Much older partner - struggling to conceive

[Lunabee]

everyone,

I am currently 30 and have been TTC for about 9 months. My partner is 20 years older than me and already has 2 children from his previous relationship (so unlikely to have fertitility issues). We really want a baby together but it just isn’t happening.

TRIGGER WARNING

I accidentally fell pregnant by him a couple of years ago but ended up having an abortion as it was completely horrendous timing and would have been impossible to make work but really regret it. I now feel like I am being punished by the universe and my karma for not having that baby is not being able to conceive one now.

I have been tracking my cycle, using ovulation tests every month, have been eating a really healthy diet, completely cut out alcohol and caffeine but have had no luck whatsoever conceiving :( :(

I don’t really know what to do - he wouldn’t be willing to go down an IVF route, but I’m not really sure what the next steps are.

I feel so deflated every month when my period ends up arriving and feel like a bit of an emotional wreck and always end up in a bit of a state about the baby I chose not to have :(

I think 9 months is not very long. Don't worry about it it sounds like you are doing all the right things. If it doesn't happen by next summer perhaps approach your gp about getting some fertility drugs for your cycle, but honestly take the pressure off yourself now you have plenty of time

Don't there say to wait until a year of trying before looking at reasons why it's not happening?
I'd give it a bit longer yet

@coronafiona

I think 9 months is not very long. Don't worry about it it sounds like you are doing all the right things. If it doesn't happen by next summer perhaps approach your gp about getting some fertility drugs for your cycle, but honestly take the pressure off yourself now you have plenty of time

Thank you - if I was with someone nearer my age I probably wouldn’t be so concerned, but as he is quite a bit older he is nervous about being a really old Dad :(

even though he isn’t putting pressure on, in myself I feel so frustrated that when we weren’t trying for a baby and it would have been horrendous timing I fell pregnant, yet now we are trying and having ALOT of sex (sorry TMI) it’s not happened

Firstly, having an abortion previously does not mean you are being punished now. I’ve never had an abortion and we’re just about to go into month 7 of TTC (AF has just started again). Secondly, we’re both 30 and so the age difference is not the problem either. Thirdly, just because you got pregnant with him before and he has had two children, doesn’t mean that he’s unlikely to have fertility issues, he is older now. Finally, you can always look at private fertility tests but you’re also only 3 months away from being able to speak to someone about it. When you start having tests, you don’t have to jump straight to IVF, there are a number of other things the doctors will suggest before that.