How bloody hard can it be?!

[Cha0907]

Hello

Posted a few times here but need to vent today.

TTC for around a year now. I have been quite lucky in a sense that my period is pretty regular every 4 weeks and so I never usually take any pregnancy tests as I always know I am out pretty much on the day my period is predicted.

Had 21 days bloods done last month confirmed I am ovulating and DP has app in January for SA.

AF due yesterday had none of the usual pre-menstrual symptoms which is unusual for me. I have been extremely tired the last few weeks can’t seem to get through a day without napping at some point. I had 1 test left over from last year. Working from home today and woke up early this morning tempted to take it. Decided against it but it just got them better of me now and I tested. Of course a BFN!! Gutted but if I am being honest I knew deep down it would have been that but just makes you wonder how the hell do we actually get pregnant?! Why is it so difficult and why does it take sooooo long 😭😂

Sorry your having a hard time, it is very frustrating isn't it?! I don't understand how some people get pregnant so bloody quickly . Been ttc over a year now and nothing. (my friend managed to get pregnant again when her first born was 6/7 months) so she's on number two and I cant even get one!

It is so hard. We're nearly two years and natural conception just seems so miraculous/unlikely.

I know so many people who caught in their first month, and it feels unfair. Like they've stolen our hard work.

I have recently been diagnosed with a pretty big polyp though so hoping things will improve when we get that. Efrec helpfully lost our referral to the infertility consultant though.

It is hard and heartbreaking. Weirdly I clicked on your thread by accident,clumsy fingers and stupid phone. I normally steer clear on conception board nowadays with only brief forays into the infertility one, and that has helped.

I find the busses too too hard.

Xx

I feel for you.
Just to give you a positive spin it took 4 years to conceive my first (I now have 3 children all conceived by fertility treatment).
The first year mark is really hard - you realise you may need intervention, if you'd got pregnant when you started you'd be sat with a baby now, everyone around you seems to find it so easy (my siblings 'accidentally' had 3 dc while I was trying to conceive).
I was lucky in some respects as I conceived at a time before social media and so didn't have it in my face 24/7.
I found that going through tests treatment helped a bit like a tick list I was one step closer to finding out the problem /conceiving. I felt like I was actually making progress during these times (not so when I was sat on a waiting list).
Communication with your partner is really important your both going to have lots of different emotions and that's ok. Sometimes talking to an outsider helps to (but choose wisely)!
Sometimes it may help to avoid people /situations and that's ok (I wish I'd known this at the time). Christmas is one of those times.
Most importantly look after yourself mentally and physically and as hard as it is try to continue living your life whilst conceiving (sometimes we put life on hold because we don't want to book a holiday because we might be pregnant etc).
Good luck.

So hard!!! My AF just showed up today and I’ve been TTC for 6 months. Feel like 6 months is a milestone so not hopeful at all and quite worried!! Just don’t know what to think. I can’t believe how difficult it is. Just want a little baby

So hard!! I TTC for 18 years. Finally managed to fall Pregnant and then miscarried 4 times. Being trying for the last 10 months and absolutely nothing

Same here. It's so disheartening and symptom spotting when it is all in my mind. Feel like I'm getting nowhere after 1.5 years

@SugarHoneyIceTea2020 yip it is so hard! Especially when you feel like everyone around you is getting pregnant and having babies. Between friends and family members this last year has honestly been a bit of a nightmare. I believe we had a chemical in October last year and would have been due around the same time one of my best friends had her baby. That was a hard one to take!

@theotherfossilsister 2 years gosh that is a long time. Lost your referral feels like the people dealing with these things just don’t care sometimes! Are you planning IVF?

@Itmaybeus hello! Thanks for you story 4 years is a long time that must of been hard for you. Social media is horrible at times. I have found trying to staff off Facebook/instagram as much as possible and when someone does announce they are pregnant just try to always think they might have struggled too. Heard though if you get the comments like ‘oh this was just a little accident or surprise’. I have used the lockdowns to start thinking about myself a bit more. I usually was 100 miles an hour before lockdown always doing something. Started working out 4/5 times a week and also just trying to make my life a bit more organised and calm. When my partner picked up the kit for the SA I was under the impression he had organised to drop it off the following week so was keen to DTD that weekend. He ended up admitting that he was to scared to DTD and feels like he isn’t performing 😣 horrible few weeks for us but managed to work it out and now the SA analysis is booked for January as that was the first app they had 🤞🏻

@AKcheer it’s so hard! I remember when I was at 6 months. Trying to keep positive in the middle of lockdown. Constantly symptom spotting and also buying into pretty much anything I read online!! I’ve tried all sorts of lotions and potions and kept telling myself that I would be pregnant soon 😣 if I could give you any advice it would be to listen to the fertility podcast if you don’t already. I like going a walk with my earphones in and listening to it lots of good advice and stories. The part Im really invested in is how they don’t teach you at school how to get pregnant but they tell you how to absolutely not get pregnant!! It actually made me think how a lot of what they teach you in school is irrelevant to real life 😭😂 but yep totally agree with just want a baby feel like we have so much love to give 💕

@Lozz22 heartbreaking! Have you had any answers at all? My friend had 2 misscarriages within a a few months and was convinced her 3rd pregnancy was going to be the same. She actually said she just wanted it to hurry up and happen so she could get some investigations done. Thankfully everything was fine and she now has her baby.

@Pebbles218 the symptom spotting is the worst. Every niggle you are thinking what does that mean. I am now 3 days late and absolutely no sign of AF! It is the worst and it will probably turn up with a vengeance at some point 😭 Have you been to your GP at all yet?

@Cha0907 unfortunately no we haven't. Our Appointment coincided bang smack with the first lockdown. I have PCOS so I'm not sure if that's played a factor in it. Although when I had my early scan prior to my miscarriage neither of my ovaries had any cysts on them when in previous PCOS checks they've being covered. The only thing that was noticed was one ovary was much larger than the other.

Hear hear! This is cycle 12 for me also. All tests for me and OH have come back clear so they've referred us to a fertility clinic now. Six month wait apparently just for the assessment! I keep wondering if I should just have an HSG/hycosy privately in the meantime.

Just like you my cycles are regular, I ovulate etc through tracking I know I'm DTD on the right days for conception. But nada...

@Cha0907. Its such a pain. I promise myself I will ignore it all next month but hey ho. Yes, had an hsg, which was clear and awaiting 2nd bloods to check for lupus anticoagulant. DP needs a SA but doctors aren't doing it due to covid. Apart from your partner getting the SA, have you seen your GP?

@Lozz22 how inconvenient has lockdown been?! That is strange r.e the PCOS. I had tests a few years ago due to bleeding and was told I didn’t have it but was at risk of getting it if I didn’t get my weight under control. I lost my dad, my job and my grandfather all in the space of a year so my diet and exercise was not at the top of my priorities. I am slowly getting it under control and working out 5 times a week now and I’ve lost almost 1.5 stone.

@Juno231 hello! 12 months feels like an eternity but nothing compared to some of the other ladies that have commented 💕 both my partner and I have had blood tests and all came back fine and I am ovulating but we needed to wait until January for his SA. So that will be about a 3 month wait. I did look at going private for everything but thought will just persevere and see what we find out first.

@Pebbles218 so bloody hard! AF turned up Thursday so I am out again. Just need to get through Christmas and then we are on to 2021. How long did you have to wait for your HSG was this done through your GP? I haven’t actually seen my GP it was just a telephone consultation just explained everything that happened over the last year since we started trying and before that when we think we had a chemical (not confirmed but deep down I truly believe we did as AF was over 2 weeks late and had all the symptoms). Had blood tests done last month . When the doc called back they said just need to wait until my partner has had the SA. And go from there

I found it bloody impossible to conceive naturally! 5 years of trying we ended up going for ivf (privately funded) to be told that I now have low ovarian reserve. Got seriously lucky and got a bfp after the first round.

The only positive I can find for the whole shit show of my fertility is that I now can use the withdrawal method for contraception as I seriously don’t think I can fall pregnant without assistance and 9 years without contraception seems to prove this. and I’m not too worried about a miracle baby if it happens.

💐 to all struggling, it’s a horrible thing to experience and good luck.

@MuchTooTired hello lovely to hear you finally got your BFP!

I took the pill for the first 6 months of our relationship and that is definitely were my problems started I think. Weight gain mood swings etc. We have used the withdrawal method for the last 7 years 🙈 if we are lucky enough to have a daughter I definitely think I will be proactive in making sure she is aware of the the potential risks of taking the pill. I said in one of my earlier posts about the fertility podcast and how they talk about not being educated at school level on how to get pregnant (for both boys and girls) as society tells us that during our teenage years we should just concentrate on not getting pregnant. Then results in getting to adult life and not really knowing about what to do if you are then struggling to conceive.

I always said I only wanted 1 or 2 max but the longer it takes to actually conceive I feel like I want a football team 😂😂

I took the pill for 4-6 years but was on one of the ones where I was told I could take it back to back so I did that.

I also had no idea about how to get pregnant, I honestly thought the first time I had unprotected sex with DH (just before he became DH) there’d be a baby in 9 months time 😳 I’m definitely going to make sure that my DC know how to avoid pregnancy, but also know the options available to them if they struggle to conceive too.

DH followed a sperm boost diet 3 months before we went for ivf. We’d abandoned a cycle before getting started a couple of years ago due to a bereavement and my having MH issues but he’d done a sperm test. When he had another just before our cycle began the Drs requested he do another as his levels were amazing and they wanted to check it wasn’t a fluke.

I honestly had no idea it was this difficult for me to get pregnant, if I had known back in my younger years I’d have had much less fear!

It's been three years for me trying for my second, bloody nightmare it's been! When you're younger you're led to believe if you have sex you WILL get pregnant. Well maybe for some, not me. It took about 6 years of unprotected sex to conceive ds and now I'm still trying for my second. I also developed pcos (or possibly already had it) after ds. I was put on the pill after ds and I remember thinking to myself I don't even need this 🤣 I won't use it again. Im in the middle of my first ivf round now actually, it's been a struggle so I feel everyone's pain ❤️

@Cha0907 I got a referral to recurrent miscarriage gynae in Jan and had first telephone consultation in July. They did bloods first and then two ultrasound and HSG was in November. Took a bloody long time and still nowhere with it. I think my local GPs and hospital are awful. Be very pushy with your GP. Ask a referral and chase it up. Yours might be better than mine mind you.

Yep I feel you. 3 close friends who started trying after me all have their babies now. Finished pill in July 2019 and got going right away, got a positive pregnancy test finally end of Sept 2020 but it was ectopic, after all that.

I’m now trying again but am at more a disadvantage now as one of my tubes has been removed. Nothing else wrong with me according to my tests and scans, DH’s analysis results came back fine too.

It feels awful, I can’t even put into words how shit I felt yesterday coming on my period :(. I told my friend last December I’d be annoyed if I didn’t have a baby in 2020 and now I’m running out of time for 2021 and the idea of that makes me want to scream and rip my hair out. Thinking about paying for ivf as I just don’t think I can put myself through it anymore.

Just wanted to jump in with my two cents!

I came off the pill last December. It took a few months for my period to regulate, but after that we had a few months of no luck. Around September I decided to invest in Ovusense after seeing it recommended in a Facebook group.

I used it in September and it told me my ovulation date was a few days earlier than both my period tracking app and my ovulation sticks had been telling me. We then followed this ‘window’ in October- and got pregnant on the first go! I am 11+1 today ☺️

So to sum up, I would highly recommend Ovusense- it takes all the guesswork out, and I’ll defo be using it next time.

@Rachetine how many days off were the sticks?

I have an Ava bracelet which gives me a long fertile window. I have thought about ovusense but I feel a bit sick of spending money for something just to tell me when abouts to have sex if that makes sense?

@Chica1990 in both cases the sticks and apps were 2 days late, meaning by the time we thought we were in our fertile window we had missed it.

I totally get what you’re saying, and when I bought it the price did make me a bit 😬 but since we got pregnant immediately it felt like it was worth the cost! Including the subscription cost I paid a total of £90, and I think that’s a small price to pay to get rid of the stress of not knowing, months of taking tests etc.

Just to add, it’s specific enough to give you a short window. Screenshot attached- the green window was there from the start based on the September readings, so we knew to try in this period. The blue ovulation day then came up when it tracked my temperature change. Means I am also able to date my pregnancy exactly as I know precisely when I ovulated.

@Rachetine hello! Sorry I’m just seeing your posts now. Wish I had seen this before Christmas and added it to my Xmas list 😂😂 that is amazing though!! I think we are going to wait until my partner has had his SA and if all good will maybe invest in this 😊

Wishing you all a lovely new year I know this time is really hard for most of us! Lots of baby dust to everyone ✨

@Rachetine your screenshot and some other things I’ve been looking at have got me in a right muddle in terms of dpo and when you ovulate. I thought you ovulated at the temp dip but yours says otherwise, ava is saying otherwise and so is fertility friend??

Is it 3 days after the temp dip or is this covering of the latest you can ovulate? I might do a new thread on this to get other peoples input, do you mind if I use your screenshot as an example?