Can't cope anymore :(

[Copperpan123]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I apologise I've only ever posted once before and am a serial lurker, spending half my life browsing TTC forums!

Been trying for 18 months now. Husband had his sperm analysis (came back normal), I had one blood test which showed I ovulated. Spent a fortune on tests, fertility monitors, multivitamins. We have one child (5yo) so don't qualify for any assistance on the NHS and can't afford private prices.

I know everyone "seems" to be having babies when you're TTC but I swear everyone IS having babies....even baby talk on Bake Off!! Tipped over the edge by my best friend recently celebrating her little one's first birthday. We started TTC at the same time and there she is with her beautiful 1 year old, and I'm no closer.

I have a bladder disorder so all my pregnancy tests show up positive (even digital ones) so, for so many months, my heart was just broken over and over as I thought I was pregnant but then my period would come or the lines wouldn't get any darker. I know I shouldn't test but I want that amazing moment so desperately I'm also prepared to have it, knowing it's probably not real and is a false positive....just to have a moment of hope.

I'm so fed up....where do we go from here if our tests are normal? So sorry to lean on strangers here but I feel so alone and like I have nobody to confide in

I don't know what to suggest but just wanted to say how much I feel for you. It sounds like you're finding thing incredibly tough right now (understandably).

Did you conceive your first child naturally? Can you pinpoint anything that seems different since then? Lifestyle? Age? etc?

Thank you for the reply curiosity, honestly made me cry to just have someone to understand how I'm feeling - our first child was unintentionally conceived! I'd been told I wasn't ovulating after my periods didn't return when I came off the contraceptive injection. Eventually my periods came back very sporadically and I was found to have hyperthyroidism but it was all corrected etc and still wasn't ovulating on blood tests. Then next thing I knew I was pregnant! In the end they concluded they were testing my ovulation at the wrong time in my cycle. I have a history of eating disorders so always worried about fertility.

Since then my periods are very regular, 5 week cycles which means it feels like a LIFETIME between cycles. Can't think of anything different other that my husband and I are 6 years older and actually actively trying this time!

Hi @Copperpan123 just to give you some hope we fell in cycle 17 for my first so there is hope

We had all tests prior and everything was ok

This time we are TTC our second and had all tests re done as it's 10 yrs later and 10 yrs older now (38) we are in the unexplained category so nothing has been found to be wrong but we still aren't getting pregnant so I feel your pain

We are starting ivf next year
We are using credit cards so not ideal but we have enough credit limits and work so we are going for it

Sending lots of baby dust your way

Xx

Hmm, well there's a huge silver lining that you and your DH are able to naturally conceive! 6 years obviously can make a difference, but on the face of it I feel really hopeful for you.

I really appreciate the NHS and our GP services, but by their nature, they have to be generalists and so often they don't respond to the facts very well. If you have a 35-day cycle I can pretty safely suggest you probably don't ovulate on CD14 and then have a 21-day luteal phase (when the average is 12-14 days!). I'm not a doctor but I would've expected your 21-day progesterone bloods to be taken around the 28-30 day mark. I can't imagine the frustration and confusion you must have felt at the time.

When you say you're actively trying, what sorts of things are you doing at the moment? Hopefully, if you wanted, I might be able to suggest a couple of things to try?

@strawberrysummer19 Thank you for the positive vibes, I'm sorry you are struggling TTC but I'm also glad they've found nothing wrong (although sometimes I wonder what's worse!). Wish you all the luck with IVF! Do you mind my asking how much you envisage it costing overall (consultstions etc and treatment)?

@Curiosity101 ah thank you, I know I count my blessings I've been able to conceive naturally in the past....does it often happen that you lose your fertility?!

I've been tracking my cycles for months (use the Flo app) with OPKs and cervical mucus changes, I also now feel a dab hand (if you excuse the pun) for checking cervical position too. I tried temping but I work shifts so found it difficult to get a consistent time to do my temp and the thermometer I have is awful! My husband and I have been on multivitamins for ages and we have sex roughly every other day for the 1-2 weeks upto and around my predicted fertile window. Admittedly, we don't always manage every other day because I feel like I'm pressuring my husband and I think my confidence is a factor, as I don't want to force myself on him! Neither of us have alot of caffeine, we drink I'd say an average amount of alcohol a week and we have a very healthy diet (both vegetarians). Neither of us are overweight.

Honestly I will take any suggestions you have, anything at all. I'm considering accupuncture but heard mixed reviews!

@Copperpan123 Unexplained secondary fertility certainly is a recognised issue. But hopefully that's not the case for you.

And in all honesty it sounds like you're doing everything you could possibly do. If you expect you're ovulating regularly then I don't know what to suggest. I just hope it happens for you sooner rather than later.

@Copperpan123 you sound very similar to me. We've upped our vitamins - I was just taking multi vit and folic acid but now added omega 3 and just invested in some ubiquinone after reading good reviews on here for egg quality - good for SA too so thought can't hurt
I've cut out caffeine and try to eat healthier but we aren't much of bad eaters anyway
I've feel I've added more goodness in then taking away ! We have the odd take away and alcohol but nothing heavy

We have gone with a clinic which is part of the refund program
After doing some research we feel it's the right one for us
It's £15,400 but for 3 cycles and 50% refund if no success so we feel it's a better option then paying for it singular and not having the added pressure and knowing we have 3 cycles if needed
Then after the 3 cycles we can decide if we did then want to do anymore as I'm really not sure
X

@Curiosity101 thank you. I feel like I do ovulate regularly as I get obvious CM changes which I think it probably the most reliable sign, as I'm not sure how my bladder affects the OPKs so don't entirely trust them. I do wonder if only having my ovulation blood test once is enough for the GP to deduce I'm ovulating without issue. Would they normally test more than once? She seemed quite savvy about cycle length etc and tested around day 21 as appose to with my first when they tested day 14 regardless! Does cycle length correlate with fertility? Does a longer cycle mean anything (good or bad)? The GP said they could do the fallopian tube dye test as the next step which would be on the NHS but after that we would have to go private.

@strawberrysummer19 yes we do sound remarkably similar! How long have you been TTC with your second? Thank you so much for kindly sharing the info on the IVF, that's really helpful. Presumably if you get pregnant say on the 1st cycle, you still pay the full amount? I've looked into our local clinic (who did the sperm analysis) and they have all sorts of different options, some being cheaper where it's not like full IVF? What were the options for you given both you and your partner on paper should be able to conceive? Sorry to bombard with questions!

@Copperpan123 no that's fine, ask away, happy to help where I can.

I'm when you say about your bladder - how does that affect the tests again? I have a terrible bladder and wonder if opks are even worth it. I have cm so just usually go by that

We had all tests done on nhs - all my bloods, sa, pelvic scan and dye tests

All came back ok so we have just been told me need ivf. We have our consultation on 23rd so guess that will confirm which one we go for
X

And yes if we conceive on round 1 we still pay and if we don't we still have the 2 cycles x

@strawberrysummer19 Thank you! I had an operation on my bladder to make it bigger using a piece of bowel when I was younger so it means I get debris in my urine which affects urine tests. Pregnancy tests almost always show positive no matter what (although I've found Superdrugs own early detection ones don't seem to show a false positive oddly.....EVERY other one does, no matter how cheap or expensive). The OPKs are a bit better as the line will get darker to show a true positive, whereas with a pregnancy test it tends to always be a faint line which never gets darker which is how I eventually realise it's a false positive.....that or my period comes. Its cruel if my period is a few days late though. To confirm pregnancy I have to have a blood test. On the odd occasion I've had a late period (and the obligatory positive pregnancy test), I've had a blood test to end up confirming I wasn't pregnant which is just heart breaking.

I read about IUI as a less invasive step before IVF which also seems cheaper so I wonder if this would be a more affordable option for us. Also considering accupucture but I'm not sure how effective it is?

Oh I see you poor thing, an added heartbreaking thing to go through!

I don't really know, I've heard of it but it's not really talked about a lot is it? It says on the website at the clinic we are going for that IUI will be discussed to see if it's the best option? So I'll definitely ask

It does say the success rates are lower than ivf and usually used in same sex couples/ single women or donor sperm but also says used if there is a borderline low sperm issue ? Which I don't really get? Thought it would be a good count needed
So as we don't have that maybe we won't be advised that?

X

It's odd as you'd assume IUI would make sense for couple who have good sperm count and are ovulating? But then i suppose it doesn't really make you any more likely to fall pregnant than if you try naturally as it's reliant on timing?

It's all a total mine field! I also worry that the private funded nature of it all might mean expensive treatments are recommended for the wrong reasons, but then I suppose that's why choosing the right clinic that you trust is so important.

I can't believe I'm even considering all this fertility treatment stuff, how did I get here

I think with my age 38 I'm 39 in April I think I would want to do ivf the 3 cycles I've found
Once you do iui for a couple of attempts it affects your eligibility for the programme we are going for as they factor in if you've been pregnant before / Mis carried etc so they can risk assess it
So it 2/3 iui didn't work then then they will look at the factor of 3 failed attempts - we may not get the program we want
If I was younger I would probably look at it but time is not on my side
It's a gamble really isn't it
I guess it's good there are different options and at the consultation they can decide what the best option is
I shall update when we've had our consultation x

@strawberrysummer19

Oh I see you poor thing, an added heartbreaking thing to go through!

I don't really know, I've heard of it but it's not really talked about a lot is it? It says on the website at the clinic we are going for that IUI will be discussed to see if it's the best option? So I'll definitely ask

It does say the success rates are lower than ivf and usually used in same sex couples/ single women or donor sperm but also says used if there is a borderline low sperm issue ? Which I don't really get? Thought it would be a good count needed
So as we don't have that maybe we won't be advised that?

X

I know I completely agree. I would have thought the same PP says it's like TTC without the sex That put it into context to me I've been doing that 5 years this time ( sort of not really trying for 5 years just life getting in the way ) but 5 yrs off the pill and not preventing Been actively trying since July And tried 17 months before so fed up now ! Well I used to think like that but the clinic we've chosen has such a good rep So once you're happy with the clinic you've chosen those reservations do diminish They did for me anyway Or I've just accepted that as otherwise I would be going mad! I know I feel like that but again just accepted that this is the way forward, being positive and accepting that this is our journey and to embrace it Although it's bloody hard ! Soon to be 15k plus meds in dept No stable job ( I'm temping atm) and the dreams of owning a house, married and working for a lovely company with a big fat mat pay isn't reality! What is reality, I have a LOVELY (rented) apartment, a lovely boyfriend who is working 2 jobs at the moment to make ends meet and for us to be able to do this, a daughter already and our health and plans to get engaged when we can afford to ( deffo off the cards now we have ivf to pay for !!!) but I'm happy Happy as I can be - be more happier if I get my baby but until then life is good xxx S

Can't help but I've been trying a year and I'm nearly 38. Waiting for them to check tubes but no other issues found on other tests. SA was fine.

I've got no children already though so whether it could even happen I've no idea. But I just wanted to say I know how you feel.