Knocked confidence after 2nd Miscarriage

[Joan7986]

Has anyone had any problems with knocked confidence in themselves after miscarriage (I have sadly had two now). But I feel I have lost all confidence in myself in terms of how I look and how my husband feels about me.

Has anyone else felt the same? What did you do to help?

Thanks in advance! X

hey @Joan7986 - so sorry to hear about your 2 miscarriages. we had a MMC last month with our first pregnancy. totally know what you mean about losing confidence. I'm not finding it really in terms of worrying about how i look (barely go out as mostly WFH now so living in my scruffy clothes!!) but v much finding it in terms of how confident i feel with my job, with talking to people, being assertive, decision making. it's really tough and had no idea id feel like this - it kinda came out of nowhere, and it's horrible so i really feel for you. i've been reading some of "Peoples stories" on the miscarriage association website, and on Tommys. some of them ahve really helped in udnerstanding im not going crazy with feeling like i am. also get good resources through work so been reading some self help guidance etc. been toying with idea of ringing one of the helplines when been having really bad days, but last couple days been much better so will see how i go. i'd defo recommend trying these as a starting point, and u can also ring the helplines on tommys website etc if u want someone to talk too? think it's only natural with what you've been through to feel like this, so dont be hard on yourself. I find exercise gives me the headspace i need sometimes to think a bit more rationally about things.
how r u doing otherwise? x

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I also had two, and remember feeling like that. We took a break from ttc for a bit, and I had a very drastic hair cut and colour and went on an all inclusive holiday to Mexico! Just treat yourself kindly, for as long as it takes. I know it sounds silly, but I found gardening to help a bit, it was such a hopeful thing to do to plan for the future. I went on to have two DC after this, so try not to lose hope. I think it must've especially difficult at the moment, because it's even harder to focus on other positive aspects of who you are ( sister, daughter, friend, colleague etc etc) reach out to people if it helps, sometimes support comes from unexpected places. Take care of yourself.x

Not saying you should go to Mexico obviously, just that it's ok to spend some time doing something just for you!

@leftitlate37 perhaps loss of confidence is just part of the grieving process? I sort of feel like my body can't do what it was meant to do and I think it just generally makes me feel sh*t and then you loose confidence in some parts of your life. I am also WFH, as is my husband but I find the scruffy clothes makes me feel worse - so trying to make an effort every day to do my hair and makeup, just for myself really.

Yes, I have read some of the stories, it really helps to see that you are not the only one feeling that way. Also gives you hope that you will be able to get pregnant and stay pregnant (which I find very difficult to believe now it has happened twice).

@Clarabellawilliamson - thanks for the hope! It really helps me to hear stories of people who have had multiple MCs but managed to have a successful pregnancy. Did you do anything different for your successful pregnancies? It's good to hear I am not alone in how I am feeling - I wish we could go to Mexico! Trying to look forward to small things really - like have made a nice roast dinner this afternoon. I am hoping that also loosing a bit of weight and spending some time doing the small things I enjoy will help.

I don't think it helps me with how my husband deals with the loss too - he becomes a bit more distant when I want the reassurance and the intimacy. Also makes it harder too when you start to associate your sex life with getting pregnant but then loosing it a short time after...

Xx

Not quite sure why some of that message is in bold!

I think it's normal, I remember just wanting to feel like someone else/ be someone else for a while. I also took comfort in the statistics, one is quite common, two is unfortunate but statistically not that unusual and it's only when you get to 3 that you become a bit more of an anomaly. That helped me. Had I got to 3, I would have obviously needed a different coping mechanism. I think in my third pregnancy I took a baby aspirin daily for the first few months (I wasn't told to but I told the midwife and she wasn't bothered) I don't know if it made any difference but I felt I was at least doing something! I had some episodes of bleeding in that pregnancy where I was convinced I was having another miscarriage, so much so I told my boss that was what was happening and I had to go back a while later and explain I was still pregnant. I didn't take the aspirin in my next successful pregnancy, and that was very smooth.

Look after yourself, spend Christmas drinking and eating whatever you like and see how you feel about trying again in the new year.

@Clarabellawilliamson - thanks again for your advice. Yes, I am hoping that the statistics will work in our favour too. I know not a good way of thinking about it, but if it is does happen a third time at least I would know that at that point we would throw all of our energy in testing/trying to get some professional advice. I am lucky that in both times have fallen pregnant quite quickly, so I am hoping that we get the same luck again.

Yes, I have decided to take baby asprin next time around. Like you, it may not do anything but want to feel like I am doing something. Have also mixed up my pregnancy vitamins, switched to decaf on everything and will stop drinking within the TWW.

Hopefully will get some joy over Xmas and then New Year, New Start.

Thanks again. Xx