Feel like TTC is taking over my life

[Sohe]

Hi everyone.

I was wondering if anyone has any advise on how to stop TTC taking over everything.
Basically I have only been TTC since May but had two chemicals very close together which has been difficult to deal with. I know I have a bit of an obsessive personality and so All I think about is TTC. I feel like it’s taking over my life. Days just drag on coz I feel like all I do is wait for ovulation, then wait for a test day, the wait for AF to start and it just goes on and on and on. I can’t seam to keep myself occupied so I’m constantly googling and checking forums like a mad woman but I just can seam to stop myself. The only time I can focus on something else is when I’m at work. But sods law partner has just tested positive for COVID so now I’m on a two week complete lock down.
I’m starting to feel so unhappy. Partner does his best but he just doesn’t understand how difficult this is for me. I just want to try forget about TTC and enjoy each day but I just can’t seam to do it. My mind just drifts back to TTC all the time.
Does anyone have the same problem and what can I do to try make things easier? I should also add that we haven’t told anyone about TTC or the chemicals and partners said of the family have announced several pregnancies during the past few months. They keep sending me pictures and updates and it just makes it worse. I feel like I can’t tell them to just leave me alone for a bit coz I don’t want to dampen their bubble of happiness. I also think if I hadn’t had the chemicals I wouldn’t feel so obsessive coz I know I can get pregnant but it’s just not happening.

Sorry for such a long rambling post. I just needed to get it out or I feel like I could just scream. I feel slightly better already x

@Sohe I wish I had some advice but I feel like I could have typed this post. We were TTC for 2 years before I conceived and then at 9 weeks found out I'd had a missed miscarriage. Before I managed to fall pregnant I thought then I was obsessive with it.. But that was nothing like now. Like you, I now know it can happen but every month is filled with frustration and devastation that it hasn't happened again. Fortunately or unfortunately (I still haven't quite decided) our families know now what we've been going through because of the miscarriage and since then OH's brother announced his girlfriend is pregnant. So instead of us having our little baby with us visiting family at Christmas this year and having everyone fawn over them, we have to see her with her bump as she'll be 5 months and everyone commenting on it instead. It's a really really hard and incredibly lonely journey. What I will say is please be open with your partner about how you're feeling or it will bubble inside you and your relationship will suffer. Always communicate and allow yourselves to support each other. Wishing you all the best and sending lots of baby dust 🤞💕

@Stabal thanks so much for replying. I really feel for you coz I feel the same. I want to feel happy for them and deep down I do, but part of me just feels so selfish coz I just don’t want to hear about their pregnancies. It’s so painful for me and I just have to try and hide it. I just wish I could switch my brain off until it was time to test but it’s literally my first thought when I wake up and my last thought before sleep. Just can’t seam to distract myself! X

@Sohe I'm exactly the same. I go to bed at night thinking to myself, "I wonder what my temperature will be in the morning" it's just not normal is it 😔

Could have written this myself! We’re at 1 year now and really struggling with that milestone. Had an ectopic in that time too.

I wish I had some advice for you but if I had anything good I’d be doing it myself 😂 Try and be gentle with yourself, your time will come 💙 just know you’re not alone.

...also if anyone else has any ideas that’d be great 😂

Hi all. I could have written this as well. We are not alone. My new thing is to focus on and be grateful for all the good things in my life. If I keep remembering them I’ll have a positive buzz and won’t feel so bitter. Also needed to accept where i am and practice self care. All much easier said than done though. Maybe even writing this down helps so could start a journal.

I totally sympathise. When I was ttc number 2 I was consumed by it. I didn't want to make plans in case I was pregnant.

With number 1 i was fortunate to conceive easily although did have 2 miscarriages. With number 2 I had one miscarriage then nothing for months and months.

No real advice. Just know that you are not alone xx

Totally agree with everything you said and could have written it myself!. I have also been TTC since may and every spare minute when not working has been taken up be researching, analysing and buying new vitamins. I feel a shell of who I was before. I have finally decided to take a break from temping this month as it was getting so stressful. My sleep quality has already improved not having to think about taking my temperature first thing and the fact I won't know exactly what dpo I am means I won't be googling symptoms per dpo either, I hope 😳

Aw big hugs. I feel your pain too. Been ttc number two since son was born. He’s two next month. And had mmc and chemical this year too as well. I’ve been feeling every emotion like you: angry and frustrated, worried, upset and everything else. I have started going running again and that helps. Listen to some music that resonates with you and your feelings. And I have completely come off social media and alienated myself from friends but I don’t care, I just don’t want to pretend. I’m also obsessed. But I am thankful for my son and keep saying that we shouldn’t compare the moon and the sun as they will both shine when it’s their time. Be kind to yourself and don’t be afraid to say no to people xx