How do people manage?

[cloudydays7]

Hi...I'm new here. TTC our first however I feel like I've hit a bit of a brick wall slowly realising the reality. Trying to work out the expenses what we would need to buy and how much things cost and starting to wonder can we actually afford to do this?

I was all excited at the start of our decision but the past couple of days I've started to think about maternity pay and if I did conceive and have a baby and go back to work the childcare we would need to pay for as myself and DP both work Mon-Fri. He works from home though so we could compromise a day or two which would mean he would make hours up on an evening or weekend.

Maternity Pay has got me totally baffled...I work for the council in my area and have worked for them for over ten years but I don't have a clue what maternity pay they would offer so I don't know what I would be entitled to. I actually thought to email HR but then I'm thinking that sounds a bit crazy as we're not even pregnant yet but I do like to prepare. I do know someone who is due in Nov who does a similar job to myself working for the council as well so I'm thinking if I do become pregnant to message her and ask how much money do you get? Aaargh! How do people do it?! 🙈😬

Council maternity policies are usually publicly available of you google them.

I truly think if you think about it too much you'll never be able to afford it in your head - in reality its fine.

I'm on mat leave now with my 2nd, statutory pay only. We saved to cover my portion of the bills and mortgage while pregnant. Most things this time are from our 1st but you really don't need a lot.

Your workplace maternity policy should be available somewhere but there's nothing wrong with emailing HR to ask for parental leave policies!

As for the cost, I agree with PP, if you think too much about it you'll convince yourself that it's impossible. We have a pretty average income but high outgoings (we rent, and it costs a fortune) and we just make it work (one toddler DD, I work three days a week and, yes, it costs an arm and a leg!). Don't forget to factor in Child Benefit, and remind yourself that childcare isn't an infinite expense. It's sensible to plan and save beforehand, but unless your finances are a complete state, you do just make it work! Good luck with TTC!

And yes, babies don't really cost much in the first year. Buy prams and stuff second hand, nappies from Aldi or Lidl, hand-me-down clothes. Ebay and Facebook Marketplace will be your new best friends. New and expectant parents are a marketers dream, but you honestly don't need most of the crap they'll try to sell you!

@QforCucumber @Mybobowler
Thank you both for your replies! You're right I need to stop overthinking and just take everything a day at a time. I will start saving more now though to prepare us.

I know what you mean about buying for the first time I feel like I need everything I see advertised and it's usually the most expensive things! I am clueless about what is a reasonable amount to pay for a pram, car seat, crib/cot etc...I will browse eBay and market places more now.

Public bodies tend to have much better maternity leave then private companies so you should be ok there

As for the cost of childcare you'd be surprised how much you can actually make it work. If someone had said 10 years ago I would be paying as much as my mortgage in childcare fees (and this will go up again next year to 1.5 times my mortgage as am now pregnant with twins) then I probably wouldn't have had children! But you make it work. Yes you have no money and have to cut out a lot of the "luxuries" - nice car, meals out, holidays in the Maldives, new clothes every month, latest I pad but it's only for a relatively short period of time until they start school

Baby equipment is as cheap or expensive as you want it to be. IKEA and ASDA have fits etc, prams can be brought from eBay

If you fall pregnant with twins like me though it IS expensive 🙈🤣

@ivfbeenbusy haha I can imagine! There are twins in the family so I may get a surprise haha! When are you due?

@cloudydays7

I'm due in February but pretty much on bed rest already 😢

The biggest expense with twins aside from the childcare is the pram - looking at £1800 for that and now Mothercare has closed there aren't really any places which do interest free finance payments.

Prams on eBay tend to be sibling ones so still have to buy extra equipment to make it suitable for twins

One thing I would say is that if you plan on having more than 1 child and want a small ish gap is to future proof your pram and buy one you can turn into a tandem one in the future (have a slightly sturdier chassis) - they are only a couple of hundred more expensive than the standard models. I didn't and now have a lovely silver cross pram in my loft which cost £1000 that can't use and is pretty much worthless

@ivfbeenbusy
Aww hope the next few months are ok for you. Do you know if you're having boys or girls?
Thank you for the advice will bare that in mind when searching for a pram. I'm also confused about baby sleeping arrangements, so...baby sleeps in a crib/Moses basket in your room for first six months? Is that right? And is the crib/Moses basket then not needed as do they need to be in a cot after that? Also...where does baby sleep in the day? Did you have a separate sleeping aid for downstairs?
(Sorry for all of the questions)

@cloudydays7 Hi, I just wanted to say what your feeling is completely normal. I felt exactly the same with my DD who is now 2 as we are a low income family atm. I bought a pram of fb second hand and made do with what I could, honestly all they need is baby grows and basics when they are a new born. I barely used any of my gifts from my baby shower as they just weren't necessary. Money will probably be tight but the memories you will make will make up for all the hard times. My suggestion would be to work part time when you return if you can, I have only just felt ready to go back full time now my DD. If you do not earn enough working part time you may qualify for universal credit and they pay most of your childcare for you. X

@cloudydays7

I'm having a boy and a girl! Very exciting! But also means 2 lots of clothes 🤣

I had a "next to me" crib (about £150) for night times as was breastfeeding. And during the day a Moses basket downstairs (£35-£50 ASDA)
Both of these will only last 6 months as soon as they can roll over they have to come out of those - then it's in to a cot for bedtimes (IKEA have a good selection for about £100 incl mattress) - or you could save yourself the money and just have the cot in your bedroom from day one and not bother with the "next to me" and then during the day a bouncy chair, play mat etc

@ivfbeenbusy thank you for your help! I will save this thread for future reference. Our bedroom isn't that big so I will need to think of something that will fit in there for the 6 months. I like the idea of having a Moses basket or chair for downstairs though. Are baby chairs suitable from birth?
I'm getting way ahead of myself in my thinking! I know! I've even got my names picked out! One step at a time, I need to calm down!Haha!
How lovely for you a boy and a girl! Did you feel any different with this pregnancy that you kind of knew it was twins before your scan?

@Olivebranch26 thank you so much for your response! We will have to consider about childcare and change of working patterns...I'm hoping once/if it happens it will all just fall into place and won't be as bad as what I'm thinking.

Babies cost as much as you let them cost! Well some things you need but second hand is a good option, friends and family love to help so direct them to what you want rather than yet another £15 sleepsuit. Childcare is expensive but sometimes you can rearrange hours to do 3 or 4 days (longer) to save for instance and childminders are often cheaper.

I put everything on a credit card and paid it off by the time they were 6. Possibly not the wisest approach though!!