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Mid-cycle meltdown anyone?

9 replies

CycleGirl20 · 21/10/2020 08:44

I'm 34, month 8 TTC. I seem to have hit a whole new level of TTC meltdown that I didn't know even existed. I'm used to the period cries every other month at least but this time around I ended up having a mid-cycle meltdown last night. I'm 35 in 6 weeks which isn't something I'm looking forward to at least in the TTC world. I think that with the fact that my period was 2 days late last week (and decided to surprise me at 4am, a day before my OH birthday) meant I was well and truly dabbling my toes into the hope-zone. I've been diagnosed with a fibroid that needs to come out and will make it harder to conceive, but struggling to actually get an appointment and it'd cost £6-7k privately (!!!) so I've kind of resigned myself to infertility for now. I've even been looking at IVF clinics and wondering if we would want to adopt.

Last night I basically had a 1hr meltdown, where I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. My nose instantly filled with snot and I was basically crying kneeling on the sofa, occasionally muttering that I was going to be geriatric, whilst my OH held onto me to stop me fainting onto the floor.

I think the being in more with the covid situation is making things worse too. I keep loosing perspective and spend loads of my time being really introspective about fairly minor issues: am I too fat? Should I be careful about the intermittent fasting I do? Am I drinking too much caffeine (1cup)? Am I exercising too much, or too little?

I'm only 8 months in and it seems like I'm probably in it for the long haul. Anyone else care to share/vent their stories? Any success stories?

OP posts:
AmesK · 21/10/2020 09:39

Aww hun, I’m really sorry to hear that you’ve been having such a tough time and whilst I don’t have my own success story to share with you, I did want to say that I know exactly how you feel and can completely understand the meltdown.

It’s a very long and difficult process and it’s completely normal to second guess yourself and have huge lows as well as have times when you feel not that bad-I have the same! You do have to try and be kind to yourself though and I’m glad that your OH was comforting you through it :)

Have you tried chatting to your GP about getting a fertility consultation? I know things are a bit up in the air with covid but some services are starting back up now so worth having another chat as well as discussing your concerns.

Like I said, I don’t have my own success story to share ( I’ve been TTC for 2 years with no luck and believe me, I’ve had more meltdowns that my grandmas had hot dinners :p) but I know there are many many success stories across these boards and I am hoping yours is just around the corner. So this wasn’t a super helpful post but just know that you’re not alone. Wishing you lots of love and success xxx

PrimeraVez · 21/10/2020 10:35

No real advice, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone in feeling this way. I remember being at a similar amount of months in, and just absolutely losing it in the bathroom when I saw AF had arrived, yet again.

All I can say - and I know it's no consolation - is that when it does happen (and the odds are that it will!) this whole shitty TTC business, really does become a distant memory.

Chica1990 · 21/10/2020 10:51

Yep, I have meltdowns all the time and it’s reassuring to hear other people say how I feel. I try and tell myself that some days will be worse/better than others.

I have found myself losing it over minor stuff as well WFH. I would contact your gp like others have mentioned for some initial tests and start making yourself feel educated and relaxed, I would recommend doing yoga and reading the book ‘it all starts with an egg’

Wishing us both luck

CycleGirl20 · 21/10/2020 15:28

Thanks all. I hope I do get through this and look back with a baby or two and think it is a distant memory!

It really is hard. Especially the longer it goes on right!? I feel like a crazy person sometimes!
@PrimeraVez, how did things work out? It sounds like you might have come out the other end?

I'm not able to see a doctor at the moment. We're away for 6 months with my OH's work and I was expecting to get a portable health care certificate but HMRC are being really slow. Hopefully something should come through soon or I'll have to wait until next year.

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PrimeraVez · 21/10/2020 16:17

I did come out the other end :-)

DC1 came on my 9th month of trying. After him, I got pregnant another 3 times, and each time took no longer than 2 cycles!

CycleGirl20 · 21/10/2020 20:01

@PrimeraVez oh wow that's good to hear! Fingers crossed for my 8th & 9th months in that case!

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Merrz · 21/10/2020 20:20

Sorry to read it's getting so tough for you. It really is shit isn't it! I got pregnant with DD on my 13th cycle. I found the 6-8 month mark really tough, you start to feel like something is wrong and it's never going to happen Sad I'm on cycle 7 ttc no 2 and really do feel like something is wrong this time.
Have you been to Dr?

CycleGirl20 · 23/10/2020 08:40

@Merrz it does suck doesn't it! It's the putting bits of your life on hold, waiting, trying to hope but not too much. How are you feeling this time? It must have been a surprise to get pregnant on the 13th cycle. I don't think I'll believe it if I do get a sticky bfp!

I have been to the doctor's. I had my 3&21 day bloods, which were all good. Plus I paid privately for a scan which showed I have a good egg reserve and was about to ovulate. They did find a fibroid though which I need removed. Long story short my OH & I are abroad in the EU for a few months due to his work/covid so I needed to get things sorted with HMRC so get medical cover to see a doctor here. However, that was issued yesterday and will be able to get things moving when it arrives so feeling a bit more optimistic!

OP posts:
Merrz · 23/10/2020 19:48

Yes it was a big shock, had pretty much accepted that it wasn't going to happen naturally then along came the bfp.
Yeah that's what I find tough, you try not to let it take over your life but it does. Obviously with covid it's not such an issue but when I was ttc 1st time I would make plans around what time of the month it was, didn't plan any holidays because I kept thinking I might be pregnant. It totally consumes your life.
That's good all tests look good so far and you're getting the ball rolling.
When we first started ttc this time I was adamant we would just relax and there was no hurry, we have one happy healthy baby another one would just be a bonus but everytime af shows up I find it a bit harder. My cycles have been all over the place and I keep getting funny aches/period type cramps throughout my cycle which is worrying me something isn't right Confused

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