Pregnancy envy

[HannahAD]

Me and my OH have been trying for about 10 months and we have an 18 month old. My sister in law is due to have her baby later this week and I can’t help but feel a bit bitter. She openly discusses the fact she didn’t want the baby at first and she wanted an abortion and it just makes me feel sad. I’m trying to stay positive but it’s really starting to get to me, the constant baby talk, family members asking us when we are going to have another one, the baby showers and everything else. I feel horrible that I feel so bitters has anyone else experienced this?

I do. All the time.

I lost my baby girl at 24 weeks in January and then two weeks later my sister told me she was pregnant. He's a beautiful little bubba now and I love him to the ends of the earth, but her pregnancy was very difficult for me. It was the elephant in the room and she still doesn't share pics with me without asking first, as she worries it's a trigger. It is, but very much in the OMG I WANT TO BE PREGNANT RIGHT NOW way, rather than difficult grieving for our girl.

I feel that everybody this year is getting pregnant, popping babies out left right and centre. And yet, we've had no luck. It's okay to remove yourself from the conversation where you don't feel you can hack it. Just make sure to show you care when you can.

It's okay to be sad for yourself when you want to be happy for somebody else. It's okay to feel whatever you are feeling, as long as you have a positive outlet for it. Speak to your partner confidentially about the bitterness you're feeling - they're probably feeling it too!

And in the meantime, I've been trying some positive affirmations.

"My baby will come to me at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way."

"I am taking care of my body and mind in order to welcome a baby."

"I allow myself to be loved, and to create a new life out of that love."

Saying that, sometimes I want to scream, drink copious amounts of wine and punch the wall. Do what you have to do to look after yourself. It's horrible and hard and sometimes I wish I didn't know anything about how to make a baby. Because we do everything right but it's all down to luck.

Yup!

A friend of mine recently announced she was pregnant, wasn’t trying and didn’t want children, 2 other friends have announced pregnancies and although I’m happy for them I can’t help but think why not me and feeling bitter about it 😕

@emiliet123 I’m sorry for your loss. We’ve had two miscarriages one before our son and one after and it’s been really hard watching someone else have what you desperately want.

I feel your pain, we’ve been trying actively for 3-4 years, not trying not preventing much much longer. A very good friend is currently 18 weeks and as much as I’m happy for her the pain is real from not being able to get there myself.

Sympathies OP, we tried for a year and while it’s not the long road that many have had it was a very hard year filled with a lot of pregnancy announcements (we’re of the age and had lots of weddings the same year as ours). We got our girl 9 weeks ago and she’s perfect, but it was a painful time waiting for her. All I can say is that - painful though it was - I can see this was our particular baby, and she was meant to come to us in her own time. If you sent me back to our month 11 BFN and told me I’d have to wait another year for her I know I would, because she’s worth all the pain and a BFP in any other month would have meant a different baby, not her.

I hope this isn’t insensitive as I know everyone rationalises things differently but I know if we wind up down that road again with DC2 (we were mid investigations when we conceived) I’d hope that the idea that we were waiting for a particular person, not just any random baby, might make the waiting a little easier.

Sending lots of love to you, I can’t wait for you to meet the baby your DC2 will be. In the meantime you’re entitled to feel however you do about the shittiness of the situation and if you need distance from SIL, take it. It sounds like she had her own stuff to deal with and enough cheerleaders around her, so don’t feel guilty for taking time out.

@HannahAD I've been trying for 10 months now too and I completely feel the same as you. In fact possibly a little worse as we are trying for our first so we have the extra worry of maybe we are infertile. It's impossible not to get upset when people around are getting pregnant and it's even harder when it's a pregnancy that happened fast or by accident like you mentioned.

Best thing I find to do is keep away from situations with pregnant woman/baby showers where possible. Smile, offer congratulations but then excuse yourself so you don't have to suffer.

Yes absolutely. I think its so important to talk about it and be kind to yourself, its a little act of bravery just speaking it on here and acknowledging it.

Its a weird sort of pain that I wish I could articulate because its so unique. Hope, longing, disappointment, jealousy, heartbreak and grief all rolled into one. I had a miscarriage last month and its difficult to not be reminded every day in the field I work in - having to be around children whilst your own is out of reach, or worse you're miscarrying and you can't even say. Its something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I'm not sure I'm in a place where I can advise but it is just nice to know you're not alone in this.