36 years of age - am I ready for this journey?

[KatieD847]

Hi everyone...I’ve recently joined MN. I’ve browsed the site over the weekend. My current situation is myself and my partner are both 36 and have been together for 6 years. These past couple of weeks we’ve discussed about now being the time to TTC our first baby and today I’ve ordered some pregnancy supplements to start taking. We have always mentioned children and I’ve always wanted to be a ‘Mum’ however I don’t know if it’s because it’s feeling more ‘real’ now but I’m starting to feel nervous and overwhelmed with it all. I’m worrying about our ages? Are we too old? Complications with that? I’m worrying about how I don’t know the first thing about caring for a baby such as feeding, sleeping and what we will or won’t need to buy? Pregnancy appointments and do’s and dont’s of pregnancy? I’m thinking of maternity leave from work? Also not telling family until/if we do conceive?
I am usually a worrier but I just wanted some advice or insight into how you all felt before/as you decided to TTC?
I feel like I’m saying to myself ‘I need a sign’ so then I definitely know it’s right for us and all this worrying is just natural?!? Aargh! TYIA x

My advice is would be to not worry about basic baby care and maternity leave until it does happen!

My partner and I decided to try for a baby in August, we conceived two weeks later. I had so many worries about not being able to conceive, that I didn't worry about anything else. When i saw those two lines develop on the test my first thought was 'what the hell have we done?' As I also have very little knowledge or experience in caring for a newborn! The reality is, not many first time parents know what they are doing, that's what families, midwives, health visitors and friends are for.

For the first 12 weeks there isn't much support, you are given guidelines on what you can and cannot eat etc, have one or two midwife appointments and a dating scan.

I'm currently waiting for the 12 week scan and for shit to get real 😊 I should also add that we are very happy and feel extremely lucky to have conceived so quickly. Just be prepared for it to happen quickly or take a while aswell.

There really isnt going to be a sign but i tell all my friends if you want a baby crack on and get started ttc.

You may concieve immediately or it may take time. Took me 18months and i was 23 when i started ttc

36 isnt too old but again...if you want a baby why wait longer as the risks will increase even if just slightly each year you wait.

I was open with our families that we were ttc and that wad good because i find those 18months of it not happening hard.

Maternity leave I wasnt entitled to anything more than ssp as had started a new job a month or two before finally concieving!!

There is alot of guidance on the internet and youll end up joining a ttc board or pregnancy chat on here when your at those stages

Good luck

If you and your other half have had a discussion and decided you want a baby and want to try now that's all the sign you need. It took me 8 months to conceive at 35, I was desperate to be pregnant and we'd starting having fertility tests but despite all that when I got the positive test I had a moment of panic! Take it a step at a time - focus on getting pregnant and when you are think about what you need to do next - you'll get information at every stage from eg the midwife. Try and read reliable sources like the NHS website as there is a lot of scaremongering about. It's never too early to think about money so if you can afford it start putting a little aside. DD is nearly 4 and I still don't know what I'm doing but it's (mostly) fun!

Your worries are all normal so I wouldn't dwell on them too much. But I would get cracking - I was infertile by age 36 as had 5 miscarriages and lost both tubes to ectopic pregnancies and had to undergo 5 rounds of IVF. There is never a "perfect" time to have a baby. No point dwelling on how you will manage with a baby until you actually know you are going to bring one home? Financially we all make the best of it - yes you might be skint for the first few years but you'll be surprised how "little" you can live on or what you can live without from your current lifestyle? I'd say most of us generally wing it with the first baby anyway - you'll get lots of conflicting advice - everyone you talk to will have some pearls of wisdom about how they got their child sleeping through the night from 2 weeks or taught them to recite the alphabet from 18 months - honestly just ignore it all! That's what we did - go at your own pace x

Firstly, don't panic about anything just yet, Just enjoy TTC to start with and see what happens. You are entitled for tests etc after 6 months of trying as you're over 35 so have that in the back of your mind just in case. Have you come off contraception already? if so, just crack on and enjoy! Don't worry about what happens after the positive test as there's plenty of time to worry about that after.

There's nothing wrong with working out affordability though, just to get all your ducks in a row :) good luck!

Perfectly normal to freak out! It’s like a skydive-you dither but when you jump, everything is wildly unexpected, out of control and new. And wonderful imo.

Agree it is perfectly normal to feel all the feels when deciding to ttc and again when you actually find out you are pregnant, but a pregnancy takes 9 months and that is plenty of time to figure things out and get used to the idea of being a mum. My pregnancy never really felt ‘real’ to me until I was close to full term, possibly not even until I had DS squirming around on my chest.

Hello @KatieD847 !!
I am 37 and just about to start TTC with my partner. I, like you, am so conscious of my age! But I do have an 11 yo DS from a previous relationship and a clockwork, but slightly longer than usual, cycle. On day 3 at the moment and anxious to start in a week or so.
Worry about everything is sooooo natural! And even worse when people say "relax" "worrying makes it worse" etc etc 🙄

@HeyDW96 @BonnieTellyLass @BabyMoonPie @ivfbeenbusy @unicornpower @MrsWooster @Waiting4another @Qwom

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply! I feel better already after reading your comments so thank you! You're all right with everything you're saying and I will try and stop overthinking everything and just take everything a step at a time. 🤗

I'm also 36 and TTC our first.
I have no idea if I am ready but I'm working with the theory of its now or never. I know age isnt on my side (people have babies much older than I am now) but I am conscious of the higger risks the longer we leave it. Also early menopause runs in the family and I am already pushing that side of things!
I never thought I would be this age before starting TTC but I wanted to live my life first and do the things I couldnt do comfortably with a baby in tow. Plus there have family issues along the way which made me want to delay starting.
I feel I know nothing either. All of my friends have children and are all amazing mums and I often think because I have zero experience I'd be terrible at it. But they all say you wing it the first time around! Take all the advice that is offered and then make judgements as you go. What works for one wont work for all.
I stopped contraception 2 years ago due to heal issues and we hadnt been actively TTC. Now were more serious I am tracking my cycles using Fertility Friend app as my cycles are irregular and its so far helped me understand my body a bit more.

@Flutterby8 thank you so much for your reply! We sound like we're in a very similar situation. I thought that I would of had a baby by now but it didn't work out that way!
We moved house a year ago and seem settled here now so I feel the time is right. I've found out a lot of information already this weekend just by browsing MN. I have also started to track my cycle, I came off contraception around 15 months ago and feel I know my cycle pretty well now but was just unsure when ovulating so I have downloaded an app to help me.
I will deal with TTC first and then no doubt will be posting other messages for everything else along the way! Aargh! Scared but excited!