BF said we could ttc - then said no. What to do?

[CamiJulia]

Hello everyone!

This is a bit random... but I am stuck 😔

I am 33 and he is 29. I have a mortgage, a good job. He has a great job. We’ve been together only 10mths but we’ve known each other 2yrs.

I really want to start my family. He said we could try next year, Summer 2021 when he finishes his studies - he has a great job offer in financial services secured for then. We talked in May about starting a family but then just after my birthday, in August, he said he cannot even remember having this conversation, and doesn’t want to try until I am 38.... I don’t know what to do. I’ve discussed it with length at him, and honestly, have even thought about breaking up with him. But he says we have something good and that it’s worth fighting for. Should I wait? What if something goes wrong? I know he will make the most amazing Dad, which makes it so much harder.

I don’t know what to do.
Thank you all so much wonderful ladies xx

Wait a LOT longer before even thinking about ttc. 10 months is absolutely nothing honestly

So he wants you to wait 5 years, put yourself potentially at more risk and is now denying said conversation?

If he's already playing games I'd just say bye. Without sounding harsh, he's obviously not ready now and that's fine it's not been that long - but he's already made it clear even if you stay together he's not thinking 1-2 years, he's thinking 5.

More chance of going it alone

Well 10m is too soon but it sounds as though he wants to wait longer than you do. If having DC in the next 5 years is important to you then you need to leave. Unless you are the higher earner/independently wealthy I would also recommend marrying before having DC.

If you really want a baby, cut your losses.
He's disinenguous at best, a gaslighting liar at worst.

Is 10months I’m too soon to talk about future and family? Just to clarify; We were planning to try next year when we would’ve been together 2yrs, not 10mths (summer 2021). Not ages admittedly but also not nothing! The baby would arrive when we’d been together 3yrs.

I’m financially secure (I own a property and am a lawyer) and I don’t believe in marriage so that’s not a route for me, but I appreciate the sentiment!

Thank you guys... this has been painful but helpful. I don’t want to force it on him (and never would) - but I think you’re right. He’s clearly not ready (despite initiating a conversation where he said he was!).

I really appreciate all your replies ladies xx

@CamiJulia not saying too soon - heck I was with my now husband 10 months before he opened the conversation (or drunkenly said "will you have my babies" I told him if he could still say it when he was sober I'd think about it . . He woke up the next morning and said "I was serious you know" - 5 months later we were pregnant, we've now been together 5 years.

I think the issue here is more you having different timelines, and I'd be more annoyed by him denying the conversation/agreement. If you can't get a solid answer now, what's to say he wouldn't change again after 5 years and then you're really up the creak without a paddle