How do you take the plunge and start TTC?

[Scp93]

My partner and I have been together 7+ years. He’s 29 and always said he wanted a baby before 30 - I’ll turn 28 soon and want the same. We have secure jobs, are happy in our relationship, both keen for 2 children in our future... but I just keep dithering when he asks if this month is the month to start trying.

A lot of my life goals have been ticked. I have a MSc, I got promoted earlier this year to my first management role (same organisation, so waiting for Mat leave not an issue), bought a house, visited some amazing countries, wild nights out... babies are next! so why can’t I just get on with it? Why am I so obsessed with what other people might think of me? In my social circle (and where I live/work too) it’s unusual for people to have their first children before they’re 31/32 and obviously that’s their decision - and I shouldn’t let it affect mine. But it is. I worry about what people at work will think - “oh she had so much potential!”.

I just can’t bring myself to start TTC, despite my personal circumstances being as good as they’ll ever be. Feeling like I’ve internalised all the woman-bashing headlines that give us grief if we don’t get pregnant at bang on the age of 30 damned if we do, dammed if we don’t...

Do I need to just get on with it? Or is this a common feeling to have that I should take my time to work through? Sorry for the self-indulgent essay! Any thoughts would be really appreciated.

You'll never feel 100% ready for it but don't feel pressured to do it just cos you're nearly 30. it's relatively young these days. I didn't even meet my now DH til i was nearly 30 and starting to TTC at 32.

For me I was so not ready and then one day something just switched in my head and it's what i wanted. Don't know why, don't know how it was literally one day no and the next day yes

If you're not ready do it don't feel forced. Only do what you want to do

Thanks @Bells3032 I do really want to start trying (does that even make sense when paired with my first post?!) just struggling to actually get over what I perceive as judgement to not waiting until Im in my 30s. Which sounds so ridiculous when I type it out. If I’ve got to this point a few years earlier than my friends and colleagues, why does that matter?!

I clearly need to stop worrying about what other people think I feel better from just having written this post tbh.

@Scp93 How about you go down the NTNP route? I.e. not trying but not preventing either. Just come off contraceptives but don't actively try to TTC and see how that makes you feel. It might make you feel really excited and prompt you go nuts with OPKs and temping by the second cycle, who know!

For what it's worth, I'm on cycle 10 so it can definitely take a while, you could still be 30 when you get your first!

Everyone different, everyone's on a different path and its not a race. don't let people dictate when you should and shouldn't have kids. My sister had hers at 27 and 29. I'll be at least 33. it really doesn't matter

Thank you both 🙂 we’ve been using Natural Cycles to prevent for a while now so I have a very clear picture of when I ovulate so not trying not preventing is out the window unfortunately!

If anyone wants an update (probably not but here’s one anyway) - had a long chat about everything with partner and it really helped me see that what I’m experiencing is just totally normal nerves. The timing and positives of trying now outweighs the negatives for us.
So we’re TTC! Scary but exciting.

This is really exciting!

I had a bit of an 'epiphone' moment like @Bells3032, during the lockdown peak it dawned on me that there is no time like the present as there isn't much we are 'allowed' to do that a baby would stop us doing. Our big summer plan was to travel Borneo, which clearly won't be happening any time soon and is something we can do later in life. We also figured the earlier we start trying, the longer our family will have with grandparents/great nieces/nephews in their life which is a nice thought.

All the best with TTC journey!