Should we wait to try?

[y931]

Hi

I’m feeling stressed because my partner wants to delay trying for a baby until he gets his postgrad and I feel like there is never a good time to start a family, so now is the best time!

My partner and I own our own house, both have jobs and though we don't earn a lot, I feel like we have enough stability. I have wanted to try for a baby for a while and actually changed my career to accommodate having children better. I retrained and found a job in my field. I feel now the next step is trying in the new year. My partner really wants children too and wants to try asap too, he even said that we would be too old if we leave it too much longer (as we want to have a few). The only thing is that he is currently doing a postgrad and wants to finish before we try.

I now feel like there is a weird pressure that has been placed on our relationship. If he finishes his postgrad in the timeframe we want to try for a baby then great, but he admittedly has been struggling with the work, so if he doesn’t finish his postgrad then he will feel guilty that he is delaying us starting a family (he can be hard on himself), and I will be fighting the disappointment that there is this condition hanging over us starting a family.

I don’t know if I could stand it if he has to retake in 6 months or a year. I’m already getting nervous reading about how long it can take to conceive and the deterioration of fertility after 30.

Am I panicking too much or is he being unfair by making me wait? Or am I being unfair by making him try if he’s not ready?

The way I see it is that my biological clock is ticking but he can retake his exams any time. The way he sees it is that if we have a baby, he will never have time get his postgrad. So currently we are at a stalemate and I feel lost.

Please help, I don’t want either of us to resent each other but as it stands it looks like one of us will lose out

I became pregnant during my final year of uni to be a nurse. I had to go back when my dd was 9 months old to finish my exams and complete a 6 month placement. It was tough, but I did it. I think what I'm trying to say, is that if he wants his post grad, he'll be able to do it regardless of baby or not. If you were to fall pregnant now, he still has 9 months to complete it before the baby arrives and tbh, yes they wake at night, but they don't do a lot in the day, so he'll have time to do his studies. If you both want a baby, then do it. Everything else will fall into place

If you got accidentally pregnant you’d just have to get on with it, so there’s no real difference between an accidental and planned pregnancy.
Just stop birth control and see what happens.

@FippertyGibbett

If you got accidentally pregnant you’d just have to get on with it, so there’s no real difference between an accidental and planned pregnancy. Just stop birth control and see what happens.

Just that really 😊

What age are you? I would just wait if it's for the sake of a few months.you want your oh to get through this as fast as possible so you can get cracking, he might flounder under the pressure if you are pregnant at the same time. You'd survive if he was still studying with a Newborn but it won't be pleasant, you want him on hands on helping not studying.

Btw I'm 38 and pregnant. It took 3 tries to conceive. I was 35 with my first and got pregnant on my first attempt. So it's not always hard to get pregnant in your 30s- especially if you have no identified issues. I think you have an 80% chance of conceiving within 2 years at 35.

Hi all and thank you for sharing your stories! @babblebeee this is what I said to him! It’s not like he won’t have the extra time! He’s such a perfectionist though, and I have to say to him think about how imperfect (but brilliant) it’s going to be when we have a child. I’m turning 30 next month so it’s on my mind. @taraRoo, I didn’t know that. I feel like women are constantly being told that they shouldn’t wait and time is ticking but clearly there is more time. As an update, we have talked about it again, it ended up in a fight but then we came to a resolution and I’m going to wait for a certain amount of time (but not too long!). @FippertyGibbett, that is one way to look at it 😂 but I don’t think I’m going to be doing that. Thanks again for your support, it really helped me in a tough situation. You are all lovely people 😊