First baby plans and Covid anxiety

[MrsEmiB]

Hey everyone, this is my first post here, I thought it may be a good place to start a conversation with some worries I have...

I’m 31 years old, and my husband and I made the choice to start trying for a baby a few months ago. We were aware of the pandemic then, but decided it didn’t appear to be going anywhere, and we didn’t think it would affect too much for us.

We did successfully conceive last month, however it ended in an early miscarriage last week :( (chemical pregnancy). Which was devastating as my first experience. I was very anxious when I realised I was pregnant because it suddenly felt real and I began thinking about it the current circumstances would mean it was bad timing? (I suffer from anxiety anyway, in a normal world)

So I’m now at the point of wondering whether we should just keep trying straight away, or wait until 2020 is nearing its end (not gonna miss that one are we) and re assess.

I guess what I’m really asking is, how many of you have had smooth pre natal care during all this? Would you have waited? Is 31 that old to wait? Argh!

I would wait if I were you. I had been trying for years and had my first baby at 33 via ivf in November last year. When I went to antenatal classes I was the youngest there and the others had naturally conceived (implying that most people wait nowadays anyway). There are many things like antenatal classes, partners not being allowed in for scans or until a certain point in labour, no visitors being allowed to celebrate the birth, post natal appointments being far less ( and the potential for lack of help especially around PND) , lack of breastfeeding support and the impact on your immune system of being pregnant. On the flip side there could be more time to bond without visitors, there are online antenatal classes available at a price. It’s just not going to be the experience you would want but ultimately I suppose that doesn’t matter if you desperately want a baby and that’s the end result.

Hi there :)

Thanks for your reply

See, I think that too. But then I envision this whole thing with COVID going on for a long while, and then at the same time we aren’t getting younger. From a financial stance, hubby and I both work in professions that will be continue to be needed no matter what, which is a relief.

The lack of company and support to scans and the birth potentially does worry me, but I keep coming back to the idea that it won’t change for years to come.

I had my 12 week scan alone and booking appointment over the phone but got to have DH there for the 20 week scan and have had the rest of my appointments as normal just can't have someone with me. I haven't minded not being able to go to antenatal classes as I ve had plenty of time to watch videos online and read a couple of books.

It took six months for my local hospital to get rid of their 4cm rule before allowing birth partners and for their visiting to be more than 2 hours so changes for the better are slow in some areas but as a silver lining I ve been able to get as much rest as I like throughout the pregnancy and got to work from home so didn't need to take sick days.

I know if we d have put ttc on hold then discovered that we had an issue when we started again that we d be kicking ourselves for extending the wait to get any help.

That’s the thing isn’t it.
I’ve just had a CP, and I know there is no suggestion after 1 that I’ll have more, but it could happen. Then I may need to seek medical help anyway.

I suppose it being my first, I wouldn’t know any different! But I do hope they begin to allow partners to all stages soon, because honestly I don’t see why not? Social distance and masks can be achieved in an ultrasound room. And I mean, even if 1 person was present throughout the birth, but kept at a distance, I’m sure their presence would still be better than none!

I feel it’s so so important.

I'd just go ahead and ttc if that's what u want op. You never know what's around the corner and life is short.

Hey I understand your worries, it’s a very uncertain time.

I know this is unrelated to your question - My little one is just over 1 years old and she’s missed out on so much due to this pandemic. Things like soft-play etc, it would be so good for her to interact with other kids and not be couped up at home all the time! Yes this gets me down and makes it harder to parent.

However, I would not put off TTC especially after a CP. I’ve had two CPs myself and it makes me more determined to find out if there is a cause so we can address it. With ttc unfortunately we just don’t know if it’s going to be a smooth journey or a rocky one until we try. If you really want this then don’t give up on it due to Covid. We don’t know when the world will be a normal place again, try and keep your little world happy at least x

I had virtually my whole pregnancy and birth during covid, also have a friend who conceived mid pandemic and is now panicking about the restrictions. She had 3 CPs over a year before conceiving too if that gives you hope. I would try and go into it assuming that things won't be better by the time you might be pregnant/giving birth, I know people TTC thought it would all be over by their due dates and it's becoming apparent it isn't going to be over any time soon. My care wasn't actually that bad, the bits that were I think were more due to long-standing issues than covid. Good luck