Struggling to conceive- feel like a failure

[sacb1987]

we've been trying for about 7 months, some months better than others. However its getting more and more frustrating. I know in the grand scheme of things its not a long time but its upsetting.
Everytime i have a period i feel so disappointed and dread telling him it hasnt worked again. Ive become one of them people who hate pregnant people because i want what they have. Ive just started taking folic acid and were going to look at ovulation strips aswell.
There is honestly no point in this post, i just need to feel like im not alone in this

Not alone. I work with pregnant women also. No advice but I get how you feel.

You’re not alone. We’ve been going almost 4 years. I start my ivf drugs next week. It’s such a kick in the gut each month when AF arrives. Hugs x

It took me 2 years to (naturally) conceive both my kids. Every single month was torture until those BFPs came along, so I understand how difficult it is. But it can be perfectly normal to take a while to conceive - and I know a few friends iRL who have similarly taken so long. It's worth getting investigated after a year, but hopefully it'll be good news for you soon

Oh lovely it must be so tough. Completely understandable that you are feeling down & frustrates! But you are not a failure. I have been through enough heartbreak that I have to believe that the universe has a plan, and when you finally catch with that beautiful baby, it will be the exact right one, at the exact right time. Keep going lovely, you are doing amazing!

It took us a year. Use the ovulation sticks and learn your cycle. I was using an app and nothing was happening, changed to the sticks and my ovulation timings were completely different to what the app was telling me they were

You definitely need to be using ovulation tests! Its really hard without! Clearblue ones are excellent.

@gypsywater agree 100% with the clear blue ovulation tests first month using them I fell also try the seven seas trying for a baby tablets amazing reviews felt like they certainly helped me & my friend who had been trying for a long time don't give up hope

I tried for 15 years to fall Pregnant then had my 4th miscarriage a year ago. Had a little break just to give my body chance to recover ( 3 of those miscarriages were within 8 months of each other) and now I'm struggling again to fall Pregnant. I know how hard the disappointment is month in month out especially when you're convinced that this is finally it. The extra symptom that you've never had before and you're convinced you're pregnant but only 1 line comes up on the test.

Thankyou everyone, its just so disheartening at times. Im 33 and hes 38, so im paranoid about being classed as an old mum. Plus ive spent a fortune on tests its like im addicted to it.
Ill tell him at work about my period just so i dont have to see his face.

Plus if one more of my friends just say relax ill scream lol

@sacb1987 I'm in the same boat as you. We're 8 months in. My period was a day late yesterday. I'd been avoiding testing because I got a bit obsessed with it the month before and was doing maybe 3 cheapies a day. Last night I was sat on the sofa trying not to get too far into the Hope Zone (imagining it might actually be happening for us, checking due dates, baby names, planning etc). Then I woke up at about 5am and AF had started. I ended up crying for about an hour in bed and telling him how expensive IVF is and how it's only 50/50 even then (if I'm wrong, someone please correct me!). My OH was really good about it, but it's basically become a monthly event. It's impossible to keep out of your mind from about 10 days PO.

How are you coping? Have you got any strategies?

I'm spending a lot of my emotional energy on trying not to hate pregnant people . My friend at work has put in a catch-up with me next week to say bye before she goes on maternity leave. If I'd have got pregnant on the 1st or 2nd month I'd be about ready to go on mat leave too. I'm reassuring myself saying her 1st is 27 months old, so maybe she took a year to conceive this one.

Should add, I'm 34 nearly 35 so I have 2 more goes at best before I enter geriatric motherhood, if we do get pregnant

At the min, im just trying to focus on other things seeing if that helps. But im a planner and i plan every detail of my life out...
Ive saved items on etsy for a nursery and even looked into flying with a child to take to disney...
And i dont know if you guys are the same but if i start a few days earlier some months i pray its implantation bleeding. Then spend ages googling it

OP I wrote a post so similar the month before I conceived. I had convinced myself it wouldn't happen and was completely disheartened.

The month we conceived we used ovulation tests and the SMEP - id 100% recommend both. Looking back I hadn't been DTD on the right days or enough so it was no wonder why we didn't get pregnant!

@sacb1987 it takes over your life doesn't it. At least for 3 or 5 days a month if you can contain it to that! It took my friend 13 months and she said she just enjoyed it and at least she got to have a lot of sex. So now I hate her too jk. Her second took her 3 months tho so at least there's that hope of a speedier next time around if you TTC again.

@bibs124 can I ask, how many months did it take you?

OP I feel you. My second took 6 months to conceive, and I felt all the things you mentioned. What I learnt:

• get cheap pregnancy tests. I got those tiny strips that the NHS uses from eBay; they're maybe £3 for a whole bag and just as effective as the £10 ones
• go see your GP. Mine reassured me anything up to a year was totally normal, but to ease my mind, sent me for this blood test that tells you if you have at least ovulated
• have you tried SMEP (sperm meets egg plan)? It basically just tells you to have lots of sex, but felt a more considered approach than simply 'have lots of sex', which appealed to my very organised brain

Lots of luck to you OP, you can do it! 💪🏼

@CycleGirl20 started in December and got my BFP end of July so 7/8 months

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way but you are certainly not a failure, many people take a year or so to conceive.

Stop trying and enjoy life as it is. Worrying does not help one bit and spoils other aspects of your life. You are, presumably, two people who love and enjoy being together, celebrate that because it is priceless!

We've been trying for 8 months, going into month 9, and have been feeling the same. Just really frustrated and disappointed each month. I'm also a planner and I've really not done well with the lack of control aspect of TTC. Ended up getting tests done privately this month and both have come back completely fine so I'm going to try and relax and not worry too much about it. Easier said than done though, isn't it?!

Don't take folic acid tale methyl folate. 60 percent of people have a genetic issue in which they cannot break down folic acid to methyl folate in the body....has your man had his sperm count checked?? May not be your issue. You may need IVF, on average it came take 18 months to gall pregnant, just relax for now!!