I think I've had two chemical pregnancies. Advice please x

[MrsO2020]

Background info: my periods have always been like clockwork, I had the non hormonal copper coil in for 6 years and it was removed in July.

Started TTC for our first child as soon as the coil was removed. I was late for my period that month, took a test, very faint but visible line and then 3/4 days after I started bleeding very heavy and lots of clots and this lasted for three days.

This month pretty much the same has happened, I didn't have a period after my chemical (is this normal?) and at the start of this week I had a very faint positive (I tested because I was having symptoms) but the next day I started bleeding, this time with no clots and I started to bleed before my period was due instead of after and this lasted two days. My period would have been due today. Tested today to make sure and it's a definite "not pregnant" on my clear blue digital test. Weirdly I'm peeing a lot more than usual still and feel sicky.

I've not had my usual 5-6 day period since TTC, both months faint positives and both months bleeding not long after testing.

I'm trying not to feel shit but I can't help but wonder where this journey is taking me

Has anyone had any experiences with chemicals but successfully conceiving also?

Can I keep trying straight after a chemical? This is what I did last time and it's happened again.

Can only assume both were a chemical pregnancy?

I had 2 back to back chemicals. Spoke with 2 different GPs who said 2 completely different things! Not helpful. Anyway, the first said that I should give my body a rest for at least a month (though she recommended 3) before trying again. The second said most women don't even realise that they are pregnant before a chemical and go on to have healthy pregnancies so to try again if we felt up to it. Both GPs were willing to refer me to the recurrent miscarriage unit if I have a 3rd chemical. Sorry for your losses. It's heartbreaking to get your hopes up like that x

TBH, and I know this might not be a popular view, I think this is the downside of having early pregnancy tests and testing on the day or even the day before a period is due.

Before all these early tests were available many pregnancies will have ended without the person even knowing they were pregnant. They maybe just had a late period or even a period which was normal but it was still possible the egg could have fertilised.

With all this early testing there is far too much emphasis on the need to know and to then grieve for a baby which might never actually have existed. I’m not talking about a miscarriage which happens some time after an actual positive result, but about these situations where the period is a bit late, and the person convinces themselves they must have been pregnant.

For what it’s worth, it’s estimated that eleven out of twelve eggs do fertilise but just never implant. That doesn’t mean you’ve had eleven miscarriages though. Iyswim.

It’s also important to relax. Easier said than done I know, but you’d be amazed how many women have definite symptoms while they’re ttc, convince themselves they must be pregnant because they’ve got all these symptoms they don’t usually have, and then turn out not to be. And the stress and worry can actually affect your cycle which in turn can lead to late periods which in turn can lead to the thinking that maybe you were pregnant and something went wrong.

My personal view is that you should test no earlier than a week after a missed period. Although that is easier said than done.

I think that could have been said in a more supportive way without belittling feelings. Remembering now why I stopped posting on mumsnet...