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Any army wives out there?

12 replies

OliviaGrace1x · 27/09/2020 18:32

Hey guys. TTC. Boyfriend is in the army and will soon be promoting, we're TTC. I have my own small beauty business at the moment, but obviously couldn't carry this on if I was to conceive. Just wondered what everyone's experience is like? Me and my boyfriend are a fan of the traditional life. He's in the army we want to raise kids and I obviously wouldn't work. Any advice? Pros? Cons? Or even just stories!

Thanks xx

OP posts:
Bouncycastle12 · 27/09/2020 21:54

If you’re not planning to work, get married first. And have v clear conversations with him about your futures.

OliviaGrace1x · 27/09/2020 22:43

@Bouncycastle12 yeah we are planning a quick wedding to be honest... nothingness major. are you speaking from experience or? We do speak about this a lot to be honest and I think as long as he promotes first then he's up for the idea really

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Richmonder · 27/09/2020 22:56

What are you looking for pros and cons on?

I would also recommend getting married first - you can apply for surplus housing if you have a child together but you are warned throughout the whole process that they can, at any point, give you 28 days to vacate if your house is required for a married couple. Being married also protects you financially - Citizen’s advice has a whole page devoted to the differences between cohabitation and being married.

You’ll find a mixed bag of SAHPs and working parents across all areas of the forces, like you would in any industry. I would recommend (from personal experience) working as long as you can, if you’re able to.

Are you likely to move regularly with his job? This can massively impact childcare and practical support from family/friends. Financially it could be hard and you might actually enjoy working some evenings to still feel like yourself.

Is he likely to get deployed overseas any time soon? If you were very close to term, there’s no guarantee that he would get back in time to support you throughout labour. You would also be solely responsible for childcare when he was away.

I don’t say any of this to be harsh - I am a military spouse myself and it’s hard work. We’re currently a long way from both sides of the family and I’m pregnant. I’ve had to accept that I will have no support for at least the first 18 months of our child’s life and that I will not be financially independent for a while (overseas). Thankfully DH is not financially abusive and we have shared finances.

As PP said, you need to have a very clear conversation about expectations and finances - this is not military specific, it’s a good starting point for all couples who are starting a family. I would not have moved overseas with DH or not used contraception if he wasn’t on the same page, supportive or understanding of the implications of me not working and having a child.

edin16 · 27/09/2020 23:19

@Richmonder
I was under the impression that surplus housing was only for relationships with no children and if you have a child then you as treated as any other family?

edin16 · 27/09/2020 23:24

@OliviaGrace1x
My partner is about to deploy for 6 months and we have a 4 month old baby. To be honest I'd rather he deeply now than when my son is too young to ask where his daddy is. Yes my partner will miss lots but it's a very small time when you think about. For me maybe it's a bit different because we've always been prepared for it happening, and we have both sets of grandparents close.
I'm my opinion (and maybe it's different because I'm not submerged in military life) you accept that that is your life and you will be doing a lot of it alone. You (both) can't put your life on hold because of his job!

Richmonder · 28/09/2020 00:20

@edin16 that is not the case with the army - the serving partner would be entitled to housing with custody of a child, however the other partner would not be on the license to occupy and would only be able to stay a limited number of nights within a certain period - not sure of the no of days.

www.forces.net/military-life/families/armed-forces-personnel-long-term-relationships-now-able-apply-service

The JSP is open source and available: assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/877029/20200401_-_JSP_464_Vol_1_Part_1_Version_20.pdf

It’s worth getting your boyfriend to read this and see what evidence you already have for surplus. It would also be worth him speaking to welfare/company clerk.

OliviaGrace1x · 28/09/2020 09:44

@Richmonder @edin16

Hey guys thanks for replying!

We have spoke about this. I think it is better to be married as you're more of a priority then if we do have a baby also, so I think if you're married and have a child you're more likely to get housed by the army whereas if we just had a child or if we was just married they wouldn't prioritise us first...

So I think if have my own little part time business from home to bring in a small income a month would be good, I'm not close to my family at all and I'm highly independent. I know a lady on my Facebook page is 24. She has two kids and is pregnant with her 3rd (I know it sounds bad but she's not the typical young mum, she's a great mum and I really envy her life! Her partner is also in the army) I just think they seem to be doing well so why wouldn't I? I don't know it's just something I've wanted for a while really. It's all I've ever wanted out of life really.

In regards to army welfare etc do you know if there's anywhere I can look to find this info? My partners quite busy with work so I don't want to nag him so I'm just wondering where I would find any more info! Thanks guys

OP posts:
Juno231 · 28/09/2020 09:49

My OH was in the army for 6 years up until start of last year. So I'm an ex army WAG but still happy to provide support where I can!

OliviaGrace1x · 28/09/2020 09:54

@Juno231 Hey! Aw thanks that's really sweet of you!

How did you find it? Any advice like money wise incase I don't end up working? I think he'll be on £27,000 a year. Like I'm sure you get super cheap rent which is around £200 for a 2 bed army house. I'm not sure what info I need really. Just any info which may help me get ready for the army life a little more! Thanks x

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edin16 · 28/09/2020 10:04

@OliviaGrace1x
There's a Facebook group called married quarters-r-us and the people on there are a world of knowledge about housing and money. Then once your partner gets his next posting they can point you to Facebook groups for that area

OliviaGrace1x · 28/09/2020 10:20

@edin16 thank you! I can't find the page would you kindly send me the link? Appreciate it

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