Time off after miscarriage

[Twinkletoes85]

Hi everyone.

I miscarried over the weekend, I would have been 5 weeks and it was my first pregnancy.

The bleeding started on Sunday and I went to the hospital after ringing 111 as my body didn't react very well.

I'm currently off work (Wednesday) and I'm making the decision about going back. I'm working from home and I feel a bit of a fraud being off, it was really early, I only knew about it for a week, I've not been in pain, the bleeding hasn't been bad and is stopping now and mentally mostly I feel ok.

For those of you who have been through this how long did you take? I know everyone's different but I just feel a bit unjustified taking any longer.

I'm considering logging in tomorrow but leaving my out of office on and just letting my team know I'm around.

I didn’t take any time off for my early miscarriage last year. I started bleeding on the Sunday and was in work on the Monday. My friend asked if I was alright and I burst into tears. Looking back, I probably should have taken some time to recover but that’s not my usual style. Being at work took my mind off it.

It was later when someone else announced their pregnancy that I took a downward turn. One of the children in my class actually commented and said I looked really sad and I nearly broke down in front of them.

Take the time you need. I don’t think there is a right or wrong amount of time in these situations. I’m so sorry for your loss.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing thank you. I'm not really one for time off either, Monday was mainly as I was at the hospital until 2am and then Tuesday I just wanted some time to sit on my own and see how I felt. I decided then I wanted today too and I'm a bit torn now.

It's mostly I don't think I really want I pick up any calls as I know people will ask if I've been unwell and if I'm feeling better and I don't really want to shout about it. My manager has been though this and she understands so there's no pressure. I think I'll log in tomorrow and see how it goes.

Not wanting to talk about it is perfectly understandable. I was the same. The majority of people still don’t know that I had a miscarriage last year.

I’m pleased your manager is being supportive.

Hi @Twinkletoes85. I’m so sorry for your loss. Well there is no right or wrong in this situation. You take as long as you feel you need. If you feel ready to work then you do that, if you feel you need more time, take it. Don’t feel guilty just do what is best for you.

Iv have had two losses. One in June, and a chemical a few days ago. Both times I haven’t told anyone (except the girls on here). The first one i had only just started a new job about 2 weeks prior, I was scheduled on nights and went to my shift as normal. It was hard but at least I was busy. The second one was actually on Sunday like yourself. I’m on annual leave and to be honest I would have rather been at work coz I’m just sat at home thinking about it. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to other than the other half. But people have their own problems to deal with and I don’t want to burden people with mine.

Feeling hopeful for the next cycle. Hopefully third time lucky for a sticky one. Are you going to start trying again straight away? X

I had a mmc in June - I took off two days the first week because I was at the hospital getting the first confirmation scan, then not really feeling great. The following week I had three days off after the final hospital appointment as the tablets made me really ill. We've been working from home since Covid hit though so it wasn't obvious to many that I wasn't in iyswim

@Sohe I'm so sorry for you losses. How are you? Do you want to talk about it? I told my mum and a couple of friends who I speak to daily and knew we were trying. It's helped that they know but I don't really want to talk too much about it other than to my OH and my mum.

I've kept busy spent a couple of days with my mum and had a day yesterday to just sit and think about it.

Yes I think we are just going to get straight back to trying, you're more fertile after a loss from what I've read so hoping it works next time! Are you trying again?

@MoltenLasagne I'm sorry for your loss, how are you doing now?

I'm wfh too so most people won't really notice but there's a couple of people I speak to regularly who I know will ask if I've been poorly. I'm practicing my migraine lie

@Twinkletoes85 I’m ok thanks. Trying to keep positive. After the first one I waited a full cycle before trying. This one I’m going for it straight away so hoping that my body doesn’t skip ovulation this month. I’m ok thanks. Just feel like pregnancies are being announced all around me, and feel like I’m being left behind for some reason. We haven’t even told our families.

It’s a horrible situation, so like I said do what is right for you. I wish you so much luck for the future. Fingers crossed we all get our sticky BFPs soon. X

@Sohe yes I know exactly how you feel. The whole world seems to have baby fever at the moment and it feels like you've been missed out.

If you ever want to talk to someone I'm happy to listen. I'm sure it will happen for both of us, it's just taking us a bit longer xxx

Thankyou @Twinkletoes85. The same to you if you ever want to talk to anyone. X

I had a mmc confirmed on 20th July. After medical management failed, I had surgery on 27th.

I was signed off for 4 weeks, but only used the 3 weeks.

Physically I recovered quite quickly, but my doctors took the mental health aspect very seriously and wanted me to take time off for that so I could process it easier.

I went back to work after three weeks because I’d got to the stage where I needed to see other people, but I was pretty useless at work, which they expected, & accepted.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Xx

I’m so sorry for your loss.
There’s no right or wrong answer, you just have to do what’s right for you.
I had a MMC at 11 weeks, had 3 days off work (confirmation appointment, day of MVA and day after). I must admit I was pleased with the distraction of getting straight back to work, but perhaps I should have taken a bit of time looking back.
You will have better days ahead xx

@Sansa87 I'm sorry for your loss, that sounds like you had a really difficult time and I'm really sorry you had to go through surgery.

Mentally I think it's the loss of what could have been that's the worst part. Having time to get excited and start planning then that's gone

@Carefree1 sorry for you loss. You're right that there isn't a right answer really. I'm glad that I will be busy tomorrow and I've only got next week until some planned annual leave.
.

I was 9 weeks and started bleeding on a Sunday, it took till Wednesday to "pass" the miscarriage, I felt physically very exhausted and my stomach felt bruised for days. Like an extreme period.

Mentally, I had a lot to contend with that week. I got through it and crashed and burned about ten days after the miscarriage. I should've took time off.

Mentally, it took about 6 weeks to start feeling more like myself

Take time for yourself and don't feel like a fraud, you need this time. Sending you virtual hugs OP xx