TTC but scared about Covid

[MontyFALD]

Hi all!

Fairly new here and I lost the thread I was on I was wondering if someone would be willing to just chat about my worries with me! I can't tell if I'm being irrational!

TTC for 2 years with a few miscarriages along the way. We stopped TTC in April due to Covid.

We have worries but we REALLY want to start trying again, however I can't shake the worries and I've seen so many TTC threads on here but Covid isn't mentioned so I'm feeling like I'm just being "silly" now!?

Our worries:

• grandparents won't share in the joy of their grandchild because they are isolating and vulnerable. They will miss out as will we!
• going to scans alone, I have social anxiety so it scares me!
• no prenatal classes - meaning I won't get to meet local mums and dads to be, I really really feel I need that!!!!
• no friends and family can come around to support me or join in the celebration when the baby arrives.
• will the baby be missing out in this strange Covid world?
• if something goes wrong.... I'll be on my own in hospital!

That's just a short list of our concerns! And I just want to know if there's anyone else out there still worried or if I'm overthinking which does happen!

Would love to chat this through so I don't feel so alone!

Thanks so much

Monty

I think you're overreacting, honestly. It may take you a long time to get pregnant, so I wouldn't waste a single day if you really want a baby. The situation with covid is unfortunate but it will work itself out. Living in fear of things that may not even happen is silly. Just go for it.

At the beginning of lockdown we thought we should wait... but then as time went on we decided to just go for it.

No-one knows how long this will last for... next year there might be a different pandemic (or we might still be in this one). I don’t think there will ever be a perfect time.

I have my 12 week scan next week and partners are allowed again! (don’t know if this is the case everywhere)

There are also positives... I’m still working from home, so have been able to snack constantly to ward of the nausea. Less social events that I’ve had to pretend to be drinking at.

@MontyFALD i'm 33 weeks pregnant so was 9 weeks pregnant when lockdown started. I had my 12 weeks scan alone which was nerve wracking even though i'd paid for a private one 3 weeks earlier so I knew the odds were good but DH was allowed to the 20 week scan.

In all honesty, having the appointments alone hasn't been that bad, it's mostly BP and urine checks and bump measuring, and the midwife let me record babies heartbeat.

I m scared for labour and birth, as visiting is still pretty strict and I have chosen not to see my friends or family for months but baby and I are healthy and that's what matters. In hindsight, if we hadn't gotten lucky the month we conceived, I think we would have carried on trying baring in mind that we don't know when this pandemic will be over and the NHS needs more than a year of you trying for any fertility assistance in our area.
I'm sorry to hear of your miscarriages and you will need to bare in mind if it happens again that you would be in hospital alone but if you keep trying on hold there's no way of knowing when things can be normal again.

p.s I don’t think you’re silly.. they are very legitimate concerns... I just think the problem isn’t going to go away

We were TTC and I am now 14 weeks pregnant. I wouldn't it try just because you're worried, but I understand your concerns.

All hospitals are different but my husband was allowed to my 12 week scan, and is coming to 20. Obviously things could change. Currently BP are only allowed in during active labour.

All prenatal classes are currently happening. I've just booked NCT and they've said if something changes in March, the classes will be done on Zoom (not ideal but at least we meet people).

Don't put it off as you don't know what the future looks like. (No one ever does!) there should be a vaccine in the next 18 months if we believe what we read school life should hopefully be back to normal.

Also if you put it off, when do you start again? Isn't this just the new normal with things being like this til a vaccine is found? You don't want to start again in a years time and have trouble conceiving!

I say go for it xx

I totally get where you're coming from Monty! I feel much the same. My brother and his wife are now trying, which made me feel a bit more relaxed. A few other friends have also just fallen pregnant after trying for a short time (all of my friends and family bar one seem to fall first month..) and so that reassured me a bit too.

I also worry about what the first trimester would look like at the moment. I work remotely atm but have been asked to go back into the office one day a week soon. If I got pregnant, I wouldn't want to go in as to minimise risks, but then all of my colleagues would guess? The thought of lots of people twigging prior to 12 week scan is a worry for me. What is your work set up like atm, is that something that worries you or not?

I guess my major concern is not knowing what impact covid can have in the first trimester. We don't have much data on that yet. So I would want to be very careful and minimise social contact. DH is less worried about covid and would want me to take more risks/do more normal things like pub visits, seeing family without social distancing etc. I worry that would cause stress and conflict when we really don't want it.

Are these things you are thinking through at all?

Appreciate what you're saying though @JemimaTiggywinkle and @1990shopefulftm and @Aquamarine1029. There will never be a perfect time. How old are you @MontyFALD? That might be something to bear in mind :)

@CharlieD2020 completely agree with you. I guess we’ve been lucky because DH and I have both been working from home. He’s back in the office now but only with very few people.

We’ve been minimising contact all the way through and are both very careful about distancing etc and have only really been seeing immediate family, who are also very careful.

@CharlieD2020 yes my DH is on the same page of social distancing as I am, I imagine it would be very difficult if you both weren't and I had the luxury of working from home from 9 weeks so I only told my manager before 12 weeks (on the day lockdown was announced so a tough day for her, she was wonderful though).

Yes for the first trimester, they don't have much data, all they can really say is that getting a fever can be more dangerous so far.

That sounds really good @JemimaTiggywinkle, and really glad uou and baby are both so well! Is this your first baby? My DH has to go out for work due to the nature of what he does, and has done since lockdown started as a key worker, so we can't do much to minimise his exposure unfortunately

So I have a 3 month old. I was just entering my 3rd trimester when lock down hit. My husband and I, and half of our families work either front line nhs or super markets.
I worked from home but my husband (frontline nhs) continues to go to work. We only saw family from the end of the drive once or twice. But it was ok!

I'd had my 12 and 20 week scans obviously by the time lockdown happened. But had numerous and varied scares along the way involving hospital admissions or scans alone, and whilst not ideal - the midwives were amazing and we face timed a lot. If you have a severe reason why you need support if your partner, id ask midwives to accommodate you, maybe the last appt of the day. Plus private scan facilities are letting partners come, as are some trusts.

Prenatal classes, we did NCT online via zoom it was great, the 8 of us mums meet every fortnight for a walk and coffee, the days go to the pub monthly, we whatsapp daily. It's been a godsend. For someone with social anxiety online might even be better for you than face to face.

Labour wise my hubby could only come when 4cm, but to be honest I was that busy being in pain/breathing through contractions I wouldn't have noticed if he were there or not lol. He came when I was 3cm as my waters broke with merconium so I went straight to delivery suit and he joined me there. It was devastating that he had to leave 2 hours after delivery and I was in without any visitors for a few days which was said but meant baby and I bonded loads, we FaceTimed dh snd family loads too. However ladies on my nct group who gave birth in a different hospital had their partners stay over night/able to come for visiting hours. There's a lot of push back against these people bet zealous rules do by the time you give birth could be allowed your partner the whole time.

Baby classes are back up and running. Only difference is smaller socially distanced classes with extra cleaning.

Visiting grandparents wise - we basically said f the rules and had both our parents visit and cuddle babe but with strict hand washing, masks and clean clothes at first. Now it's just like normal and I'll continue as such!

I'd say if you've been trying for 2 years I wouldn't waste another day not trying (I say this as someone who tried for 6m, then miscarried then going pregnant 6m later) because of rules that may or may not be in place by the time you get pregnant plus 9 months.

Yeah it's not been like most people's experiences, and yeah not ideal but it's been fine! Made the most of it and enjoyed the positives (more cuddles for me, less expectation to see others/do things).

I think you're over thinking it. There's no perfect time and things may be this way for a looooong time.

Good luck!

Hi all, sorry, I know this thread has sort of wound down now and I don't want to jump on your post OP, but I have just had a positive pregnancy test today! Very unexpected, we did try once last month for the first time ever of unprotected for us, but I thought we'd missed the window anyway and DH and I are absolutely in shock. Really happy shock but all sorts of anxieties too! If anyone has any calming words of wisdom, I would be really grateful to hear them! Feels so surreal?!

@CharlieD2020 congratulations :) see if you can refer yourself to your local maternity services but otherwise there's not much to do now apart from try to relax which i know is easier said than done.

Thanks @1990shopefulftm! :) okay grear, will do!

Also worried. I used to have an overactive thyroid, now thyroid has no function and I take replacement hormones (levothyroxine). It looks like I'll need to be consultant led, worried about seeing less of the doctors. Also don't want my DH to miss out on scans or not be able to be there during labor. I'm not so worried about after the baby is born - hopefully more chance to chat to other new mums on the ward.

The post about being alone after a miscarriage is awful.

I do worry about missing out on NTC & baby classes and feeling isolated during my mat leave if I can't attend these.

But I really don't want to put it off. We have agreed to start TTC in December but maybe we are mad to do so? But it could take ages to conceive anyway (TTC1). I do have time as only 30 but if we wanted another and had problems ttc, it could be a very long process. I can work from home (though my work also wanting us back in 2 days per week) and that would be beneficial with morning sickness, appointments etc. Work wise this is an opportune time in my career.

Considered starting earlier so baby born in summer (less covid) but ideally dont want them to be youngest in the school year.

@MrsHSW why wouldn't you want them being the youngest in the school year?

I literally could have written this OP. We had initially planned on starting TTC next month but I'm not sure now and keep constantly changing my mind! I think it helps my NHS trust is now allowing partners in for scans and labour as I get really anxious in hospital settings. We do have the time to wait as we are only late 20s but we are in a really good position to have a baby now with work and family.

@MrsHSW you make a good point regarding trying sooner so the baby will be born during the summer, that's definitely something to consider.

@stabal A family friend of mine growing up always used to plan her pregnancies like this and I guess it rubbed off on me. There are studies both ways youngest / oldest child in class and if either can provide any advantage. I think it depends on the child. Some children are very bright and also confident & mature enough but some children might benefit from a bit more time before starting formal eduction.

@MrsHSW I was the youngest in my year my whole way through school and was always at the top of the class along with others who were also some of the youngest. My 14 year old niece is the same and also top of her class and is doing her Maths GCSE in January and currently taking add maths GCSE classes right now. So I think that's a strange way to look at things lol but each to their own.

*ad maths, bloody autocorrect

@ErrolFinn It's so hard as we don't know how the virus will progress and if we will have a vaccine any time soon (if pregnant we probably won't be able to have it?). My only thought is that I'd rather be locked down over winter with a small baby born in Autumn than one a bit more active/aware when they would maybe benefit more from baby classes but be unable to attend for some time because of restrictions?

@Stabal A healthy baby no matter the month born is obviously all we want really :) I think I sway this way as I generally think we start formal eduction a bit too young in the UK.

@ErrolFinn @Stabal @MrsHSW

Thanks for joining in! :)
Funnily enough even given the news today and the new lockdown likely to happen very soon. Myself and my DP decided this month to start to try and I'm now in my TWW!

We decided - we could wait age wise but like @ErrolFinn said - we don't know how long it could take. If we are pregnant This month we'd be due in June which should be better for the dreaded Covid!

It's an unknown but it's what we really want for us :) we decided we're in the right place!

Appointment wise my local trust is currently allowing partners in and THey can be in hospital during active labour.

Classes are on zoom and I hope if I am pregnant I can meet local mums and dads to be from a distance!

It's about the positives

• working from home - morning sickness would be easier
• more time to nest at home :)
• waiting room quieter

And telling people will be different but we can make it special :)

@CharlieD2020 oh my gosh! That's such amazing news!! Have you got over the shock yet!? How is it going!? And how are you coping with the latest Covid news?

Huge congrats to you guys! Xx

@MontyFALD Woohoo! Amazing news! Congratulations! Totally agree re using Zoom & there are a lot of positives too. All very exciting, its good to hear your trust has relaxed some restrictions.

@MontyFALD why wait? You are doing the right thing, life goes on and that’s where the control lies.
I had a mc just as we went into lockdown and should be 30 weeks pregnant now. Despite COVID I would give anything for that to be the case.
Good luck 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Thank you @MontyFALD! I'm 5 weeks 1 day today and though feel cautious in that it is still really early, I am over the moon to be pregnant and am loving it. I've got over the shock now, I've been saying aloud 'I'm pregnant!' and it feels so surreal! I think there's something about being pregnant and just wanting this baby so badly that actually makes me feel calmer about covid. In a weird way I just feel like we will roll with the punches and see what happens, I'm due late May so loads of time for things to improve. We are planning to tell our parents on Saturday, in case more restrictions come in that would mean we can't tell them face to face for a while.

Huge congratulations on your decision!! Hope the TWW goes okay and passes quickly, so excited for you!