I’ve been told I can’t conceive but I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. I’m only 21. Wwyd?

[Laurenjoy1]

I’m 21 years old, been in a relationship for 2 years and l live with my mother. I haven’t had periods for almost five years but four weeks ago I got told I don’t ovulate so I would need help in conceiving a baby. Yesterday I found out that I am pregnant. In fear, my first reaction was to have a termination. I feel as though I haven’t experienced things that I know would be difficult with a child but all my life I have been excited to become a mother and I worry that I won’t be able to get pregnant again after this because of my ovulation issues. My boyfriend would preferably keep the baby but he has said he would support me regardless and thinks it’s ultimately my decision.
I currently work as a supply teacher assistant which can vary between £130-£240 a week and my boyfriend earns £350+. I know this is not a lot of money to be bringing up a child with but I do have £120,000+ in a savings from inheritance.
I am on the fence about what I think is best for me right now because I still feel like I want to be young with no worries but I also don’t want any ‘what ifs’ and regrets. What if this is my only chance? What would you do and have anyone been through something similar?

I think you should keep it but it's obviously your decision. Remember that you might not feel 100% that either decision is right so you need to go with the decision that feels "more right". Good luck xx

Who told you that you don't ovulate.
Ypu haven't mentioned any tests you have had.
I think unless you have had a hysterectomy or there are major structural problems with your organs I would take statements such as ' you cant get pregnant wih a pinch of salt'

My initial reaction is no I wouldn't abort. You have a supportive partner, money in the bank and I am assuming a wider network of support (as you live with your mum). It is entirely up to you, though. If you don't feel ready or don't want the baby then an abortion is fine. I don't believe any woman should force herself through a pregnancy and birth she doesn't want. Only you know how you feel and, to be honest, it's really easy for me to sit here and say I wouldn't abort because I've never been in your position. Do what's right for you!

By the time you're 40, this potential baby will be all grown up and you'll still be young and fit enough to enjoy all the things you want to do now. You'll probably have more money to do those things as well.

I would keep the baby in case the opportunity didn't come again.

I’d keep the baby on your case. Due to the fertility issues. I wouldn’t have when I was 21 but it was a completely different situation. It sounds like you and your part bye both want the bang

*baby

I would say keep it! I became unexpectedly pregnant at 22 and was dithering what to do, finally was sure to keep it, when I miscarried at almost 11wks. It was horrible and really drove home how much I wanted that baby. Perhaps think about how you would feel if the pregnancy ended unexpectedly (just as an exercise) to find your true feelings?

Whilst perhaps not totally ideal, I dont see anything wrong with your arrangements. I dont want to sound preachy or silly but at the time, my circumstances were totally not ideal - halfway through a degree, very very little savings, no boyfriend, living at home - and my heart still said keep it. I knew my mother and family would have been very supportive and that was a big factor in the decision. I had already begun planning for everything - a year out, a place in the uni nursery, etc.

I can only speak for myself obviously, but my miscarriage left me very sad, and it still upsets me even now. However, no one was aware of the pregnancy besides the father (who pushed for abortion) and I did everything - scans, and a d&c, all that - totally alone. So that made the experience worse.

At the end of the day, you have to go with your gut feeling. Whatever you decide is perfectly okay if it is the right choice for you x

No one can decide what is right for you or not but I will tell you my own story if it helps...I was similar to you (a couple of years older) very, very rarely had periods. Doctor said he couldn’t tell if I was ovulating or not but if I wanted children probably better to try sooner rather than later, so we used contraception and then decided to ttc and got pregnant first month. To say I was shocked was an understatement. Anyway, fast forward a few years and I’m in my thirties and trying for a third baby and I’ve had so much trouble, I just can’t get pregnant now. Although we were young and had no money (to speak of) I’m so so glad that we had two babies in our twenties. If I’d been sensible and left it later it probably would never have happened or we’d have had to go down the IVF route.

I'm 24 and I was in the same position as you, nearly 3 years ago I got told I did not ovulate and did not have periods for many years. Last year I found out I was pregnant and was feeling exactly the same as you. My and my partner discussed having a termination and I even spoke with my GP. After I thought long and hard I decided to keep the baby as this might be my only chance.

My LB is now nearly 7 months and I dont regret my dession one bit, money is abit tight sometimes but we are doing well, my LB does not go without and he clothed and housed.

Go with your heart and things will work out.

I'm pregnant with my 2nd, aged 42. There are so many advantages of having a child at your age. When you're my age, you'll have an adult child. That would be so amazing. You're in a stable financial position. You have people who love you.

Oh God I'd definitely keep it!!

Having had a baby when a bit younger than you and knowing what I know now, particularly with the changes covid has made to the employment market and the economy, never mind the unknown health impacts, I wouldn’t have the baby.

Given your exact situation, and also given that you do want children, I would definitely have the baby. Financially, you are far better off than many women twice your age, and your partner is supportive as well, which is HUGE.

What medical condition do you have that made the doctors say you couldn't get pregnant? This baby just might be your little miracle baby.

This is such a big and personal decision. And hey you proved those drs wrong! I was in your shoes at 21 I had been ttc for 2 years and got told I wouldn't be able to do it naturally. I was devastated all I wanted was to be a mummy. We decided to be referred for IVF then surprise when I was 23 I conceived naturally! I'm now proud mummy to three kiddos. So just goes to show doctors can be wrong. Sending you big hugs, sounds like your partner is being supportive. How would your mum feel? Could she help with childcare? I wish I could be more help xxx

If I'm totally honest I think think anyone on here can give you the right answer. Only you and your partner can make that decision and I know that's totally not helpful but you can't take advice on such a huge decision from people who don't know you.

Sorry love. It's such a hard choice to make but once you've made your decision, whichever it may be just know you did the best thing for you and that's all that matters

Keep the baby! You have plenty of support and back up and hardly 21. A no brainer!

Personally I would never have been ready to have a baby at 21 and would have went down termination route but it's your body, your life and your baby and completely a personal thing I really don't think anyone is in a position to help make that decision but you.

Wish you the best with what you decide xx

Keep the baby. 21 is hardly young and in terms of support, you have more than most. A partner who would back you is worth it's weight in gold. What are you scared of missing out on? You can still travel, go on nights out etc occasionally. I'm sure family will be more than willing to give you a break.

You must feel so scared right now. It can be scary being pregnant, even when you've planned it, so to find yourself in this situation must be a shock. You don't say how far along you are (unless I'm wrong?) but make sure you take your time with this. Nobody here can tell you what to do. You can draw up 100s of reasons for and against but ultimately you'll live with the consequences. That said, you have come to this forum for advice so for what it's worth... I don't think (or would hope not anyway) that anybody looks back on their life and wishes they HADN'T had their baby. I'd also say don't expect to necessarily hit a point in your life when you think 'right, done all the things I want to do now I'll have a baby' because as others have said, there's always time for those things at whatever point in your life, even with a child. Good luck x

I found out at 19 I was pregnant after being with my partner only a few months, luckily we were both financially stable and my family were supportive and we now have a nearly 3 year old Son and another baby on the way. Yeah we probably have missed out on "luxuries" of child free holidays and nights out but in 20 years time we can still go on them... it's hard work but it is worth it! Really think about your decision and focus on what you want, good luck honey xx

in your shoes,keep the baby

honestly, nothing better thanhaving kids young. Get it out the way while you have tons of energy!

especially with money in the bank that will help! live with your mum as long as you can for help and potentially buy a house outright?!

good luck

Update: I decided to keep the baby. I’m 6 weeks and really looking forward to have my own family. Thanks everyone.

@Laurenjoy1 Aww so pleased for you. Hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy!