Anyone struggle with TTC DC1 then be ok with attempting for DC2?

[Blissfulignorance]

Long story short I had an awful time TTC my first, over 17 cycles a mc at 8 weeks. Then awful mental health, hyperemesis for 7 months and traumatic birth. DC is now 2 and DH has started talking about wanting another. I have many reservations mostly about if I have the strength to go through fertility shit again, potentially more losses and then being so ill I'd rather die for 9 months all covered in crippling anxiety.
I have had some therapy for my MH and feel ok about what happened to me before however I'm not sure how I feel about going through similar again. I'm 32 now and love DC1 more than I can put into words but I fear that I will become a rubbish mother if I can't conceive again or if I do but become poorly for all of it?

I guess I'm asking if anyone has done similar or can help me get some different perspectives?

Thanks if you've made it this far x

Anyone?

I'm afraid I can't help on this as we're trying for DC2 now, but I've heard a lot of stories of it happening - even of parents who went through IVF for DC1 getting pregnant with DC2 without issue.

Mostly wanted to say that it's definitely worth really analyzing your feelings around having a second: it sounds like you went through a lot! You're well within your rights to say you don't want to go through it again: you need to feel it's worth it to you, otherwise it would be even harder

It took us a year first time, and we’re on month 2 ttc no 2. I do know a lot of people where it’s happened quicker the second time. It sounds like you have had a really difficult time so I’m sure I’d have the same reservations. I would say everyone says every pregnancy is very different so it would hopefully be a very different story.

For me, as I know we’ve managed it once I am a bit less stressed about ttc this time round. I also think it doesn’t matter too much if it takes a while as the age gap between them doesn’t matter too much. Do you think you could have a similar view? May be worth looking into cbt on this

Have you thought about speaking to the head matron about your traumatic birth? You can normally book this at the hospital, although I don’t know whether they are doing it at the moment with covid.

It sounds like you have a lot to think about. Your mental and physical health is really important and I think I would talk it through with your partner and lots of friends and family.

Yep.
Dc1 was ivf after MF infertility. Difficult pregnancy, hospitalised, crippling anxiety and antenatal depression and counselling needed.
Dc2 - conceived when Dc1 was still breastfeeding, had no idea. Easy pregnancy. Easy labour. Easier baby!

Yes, trying for over a year for DC1 (irregular cycle), conceived after 4 rounds of clomid.
DC2 conceived 18m after DC1 born, after 2nd month of trying!
My labour with DC2 was much easier & quicker (needed induction 1st time around but started naturally 2nd time)

Yes! First time was with IVF, second happened naturally as soon as we decided to try again.

2nd pregnancy was easier than the first for nausea, but I was exhausted from also having a toddler.

Not the same exactly. First baby happened easily, but labour was dreadful. Traumatic. Then two miscarriages which made me a bit manic about TTC. Second baby labour was easy 👍 Then third baby was easier again. I had another Miscarriage in May but I'm pregnant again now. It's all roller coaster, no matter the situation.

I can absolutely understand why you would have reservations about trying again. I suppose you can go into it with a different view than last time, as you have history to draw on. You could also have a completely different experience this time. Although it is likely you will have sickness. I'm not sure what sort of treatments you were given last time regarding nausea/vomiting but there are a lot of options available now, some which you have to stomp your feet to get but which are indeed safe to take.

Yes! Took about 15 months to conceive DS, even started fertility investigations. Currently pregnant again, conceived when DS was 6 months after only 1 or 2 times...!

Not quite the same but DC1 took nearly a year to conceive. I’ve been pregnant 3 times since and each time conceived in the first month or two of halfhearted trying.

Best of luck

One friend took six years to conceive her first, and one month her second. Two year gap.

Another friend had IVF for her first, and conceived the subsequent three "naturally".

Thanks all for your help

@stellafox I did have a debrief with the hospital after birth. I found it really helpful and informative. I got a chance to understand why decisions were made and I had an apology for the failings in care too.

I guess I'm worried that if I allow myself to get excited about having another and it doesn't happen that I'll not be able to cope with it.

But I'll never know unless I try.

Mine wasn't nearly as long as a lot of mammas experience but it took us 8 months to conceive first which ended in miscarriage. Got pregnant again the next month. For DS2 it took 3 months, or 1 month if you count how long we actively tried. It's so unpredictable