How do you stay positive when TTC?

[MissyBate]

I lost my boy at 17 weeks earlier this year and wondered how people stay positive when trying to get pregnant again. I’m petrified I’ll never get pregnant again, but I’m also terrified that I will.
The 2ww is a killer and my when AF comes, I just feel so hopeless. I don’t want TTC to takeover my life but I’m afraid it already has a bit. 😔

Anyone?

I don't have any advice particularly but I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's completely understandable that you'd feel anxious about conceiving again. I hope things improve for you soon x

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I can definitely imagine how conflicted you must feel.

Depending on how much this is affecting your day to day life it could be worth booking some sessions with a counselor to help you work through your feelings from your last pregnancy. It might help to give you a bit of closure?

In terms of staying positive in general whilst TTC, my only advice is to try and keep your life full. Try not to fall into the trap of 'waiting' to conceive. It's very very difficult, but focusing on you, your partner, work, hobbies, etc is all very important. So long as you're DTD, TTC shouldn't need to take up any headspace. Although that's so much easier said than done.

Wishing you luck for the future

Thank you for your replies.

I have been having counselling which is really helping me to learn to live with our new normal and to face the future.

I’m struggling to keep life full with everything happening with coronavirus. If things would’ve been normal I’d have booked a holiday, met up with friends- anything really to keep myself busy and distracted. I just feel like time is standing still which definitely isn’t helping.

Hi, I'm so sorry to read this.

I'm not quite in the same boat because my losses were a lot earlier than yours, but a year on I'm still TTC with no luck. I have an appointment with a hypnotherapist next week, because I hate the constant obsessing. I just can switch off from it which I know probably isn't helping. I understand being terrified about being pregnant again, I've actually said in the past to DH 'shall we stop trying because I don't want to be pregnant again', but then of course every month I'm hoping that I am. I'll let you know how I get on with the hypnotherapist if you like, but she also said it can help if I do conceive again to help deal with the anxieties after previous loss, so it might be worth thinking about.

I've also been reading 'it starts with the egg', I'm not sure if you've read this? It sort of is the opposite of trying to switch off from it all, but I'm feeling better knowing I am 'doing something' to possibly help. It explains that there are lots of things you can do 4 months before an egg is released for ovulation to improve the quality of that egg, which I feel is taking the pressure off this month (so far anyway, I'm not in the tww yet) because rather than seeing it as month by month, I'm now looking at improving my egg quality for 4 months' time, but also trying in the meantime.

I'm sorry you're in this position, it really is shite

OP, I'm so sorry for your loss and continued struggle. I've been there - had five miscarriages before finally carrying one to term. DD is now 15.

This is my advice, fwiw:

Everyone will tell you to stay positive. I found this incredibly unhelpful - just another kind of pressure to smile and think about rainbows. I think it's completely fine to just acknowledge to yourself that it's all a bit shit. The appalling process you have to go through - the medical appointments, the waiting for results, the fear, the hope, the dashing of hope, the hope again. It's incredibly painful, and I think it's completely fine to be honest about it, rather than put on a false sense of optimism. You just need to get through what you need to get through, swearing like a trooper if necessary.

During this time, be really kind to yourself, indulge yourself a little, and keep your eyes on the prize. All this horrendous crap you're going through will melt away to nothing when they put the baby in your arms.

I wish you all the best, and I'm pulling for you, OP.

@MissyBate sorry for your loss!!
Even I lost my baby at 20 weeks in april and it's my 4th cycle TTC. First time I was able to fall pregnant on first cycle TTC. But dont know why its taking so long after MC, maybe harmones to be blamed :(

So sorry for your loss, can’t imagine how it feels. I had a chemical and struggled, was only preg 5 days but still got attached. To have something given to you and then taken away so swiftly is a horrible feeling.

I don’t have great advice. No matter how much we try it does turn into a waiting game doesn’t it.

I try and resume my two week waits as if I’m not waiting, I act cool as a cucumber. However, each twinge, each cramp or even lack of cramp is playing on my mind every day.

It’s a really up and down ride but I believe it will end with a happy ending. Look at what you do have that others don’t and that usually helps me.

Someone out there would want to swap lives with us, that thought helps.

Just stumbled across this thread. I had my son just before 5 months and it was a neo natal death. My boy was healthy but my body went into spontaneous labour. He was simply too small to survive without being in the womb. I have been grieving for most of this year and still am.

I have just created a thread for women like us- late losses and ttc again. I am also trying ttc again, it’s cycle 5 but we’ve had no luck. I highly suspect hormones and stress have a major part to play so I have taken steps to try and counteract the stress (easier said than done as you’ll know) and to balance my hormones again. Which seems to be working.

Feel free to join if you want to.

@Greenbks sorry for your loss.
could you please ping the link here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3991758-TTC-journey-after-a-late-pregnancy-loss

I think I’ve done that correctly- let me know if not.

@Greenbks thanks I joined it :)

So sorry to hear your losses. In normal times I'd recommend doing things like arranging trips out or a holiday etc to give you something to look forward to that isn't baby dependent but that is different.

I think atm when we are stuck at home a lot its easy to spiral into obsession. Try and get your mind off of it and do something fun more generally. Just have some non baby making time with hubby. If you like board games or puzzles etc get some to do together. Do some painting - my latest obsession is escape room games :)

Wish you so much luck x

@Greenbks Thanks you, I have joined your thread.

Thank you all for your advice. I’m finding being at home so much, with very little to do but think, tough. I have joined the gym though in the hope getting fit/ losing weight will give me a new focus.

I'm so sorry to hear of all your losses.
I'm on the same journey as yourself so I can absolutely relate.
My DS (first pregnancy, first baby) was born asleep in June. At 31 weeks we learned he had trisomy 13 and then 5 days later he was born sleeping. It was a terrible time but meeting him was still amazing.
I started temping but I've stopped now. I have a fairly regular cycle and it was becoming too much. I was getting a bit obsessive with it and it was affecting my husband. So I'm taking a more relaxed approach even though all i can think about is having another baby. I have a free app I use to track my period and fertile days and that's it. It was my birthday on Wednesday and I was so sure I was pregnant so when AF came I was a bit devastated.
I think it's tough now because life isn't normal so we can't do normal things.
How are you feeling now? How's the TTC going?
I 100 per cent agree finding something productive to do is the best way to navigate life. I've become quite the gamer girl myself.