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Conception

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Pre-conception planning - what would you do if you were me?

5 replies

HLW22 · 05/08/2020 12:03

My husband and I have always agreed that we would be better off moving closer to my family before starting to have children because, while we are close(ish) to his where we are now, we wouldn't really get the same support network that we would with mine.
However, I had been looking for a job locally to my parents (about 80 miles away) for over a year before lockdown started. I have had a few interviews during lockdown, but the sparse jobs that were available in my skill range were few and far between to begin with and are now even sparser. I've started being less picky and have worked out how much of a salary drop we can manage with, but with things as they are, still not getting any joy. I will need to get a job before we can move for the mortgage but my husband works in IT and can work from home normally even without the lockdown, so he doesn't need to change jobs. I won't be able to commute to my current work if we moved due to the distance, time and expense it would take.
I've been at my current job 6 years next month, so I obviously already have access to enhanced maternity benefits where I am, but I am unhappy there, which is another factor in my wanting a new job.
None of my friends have children as we are all at a very similar point in our lives. I feel I'd need a support network as I've not even had any contact with children or babies for more than the occasional hour or so since I was 16. But COVID-19 has kind of thrown all my plans out of the window and some part of me doesn't want to delay starting a family any longer to retain a bit of control with all the change going on. Equally I'm conflicted because we both want to start things off in the best position we can but I'm aware that we can't wait for everything to be perfect.
So in short, what would you do if you were me?

OP posts:
somanystars · 05/08/2020 12:36

Didn't want to read and run but honestly I can't offer anything in the way of constructive advice, that's a difficult situation! Your comment about not waiting for things to be perfect is something that comes to mind for me though as I feel there's always going to be something potentially stopping you. It's a tough one. Hope you manage to figure something out soon x

larrythelizard · 05/08/2020 13:05

I think it depends on your age, if you're 28 the advice may well differ than if you're 38?

DoctorBambino · 05/08/2020 13:17

As someone approaching cycle 6 of ttc, I'd say crack on as you never know how long it will take to get pregnant. You might be one of the lucky ones who gets pregnant first time and then you will manage whatever happens. Or you might take ages, like literally YEARS and then you'll wish you had started sooner.

HLW22 · 05/08/2020 13:43

Apologies yes I should have said. I'll be 30 in Feb.

OP posts:
Juno231 · 05/08/2020 17:59

I'm of the mantra that you should just crack on with it. It could take ages before you get pregnant, and even once you do I reckon you could enjoy the nice maternity package you've got at your current job and still look to move during mat leave/use mat leave to find something closer to your parents.

There will also always be local groups for mums you can use for support - most of my London colleagues have formed really strong relationships with their NCT mums for instance - and see them still now that their kids are teens etc. There's apps for this as well - peanut comes to mind for instance.

For reference I live in London with no family around and have no friends nearby that have kids. This doesn't worry me in the slightest as I just assume I'll make new friends as part of the baby process :). I've also been TTC for 7 cycles (8 starts end of this week!) and am so grateful I didn't put it off any longer now that I see how long it could take me to get pregnant.

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