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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

I don’t know who the father of my unborn baby is.

16 replies

BonbonJJx97 · 30/07/2020 02:43

Hi I was wondering ladies if you could help me without all the judgement please.
Me and my partner have been together for 5+ years and have a three year old son together and found out I was pregnant the 29 of April with a clearblue which said 3+ . My partner and I have been having a really bad time for quite a long time and I’ve tried to leave the relationship quite a few times.. he has been quite abusive physically and emotionally and I always find myself going back however that doesn’t justify my actions and doesn’t make what I did acceptable. I had unprotected sex with my partner throughout March and April also had unprotected sex once with someone I really regret on the 6th of April I don’t recall him even ejaculating but I’m not naive I know pre cum could be the case. I’m now 18 weeks and my due date is the 28th of December I used once of those reverse due date calculators which said intercourse date 16/03/2020 and conception date 23/03/2020. I haven’t told my partner about this not because I cheated but simply because I’m afraid of him and what he would do to me, I’ve told the other guy and we have been trying to find out with a non invasive prenatal paternity test twice the results have come back that their isn’t enough foetal dna in my blood but understand I am really trying to find out and I’m so stressed out I could do without the judgement. We have one more chance at getting a dna test this way otherwise they give a refund as they have tried three times. I have intercourse with my partner quite a bit as he can be demanding aswell so I know the only real way would be the dna test but a guidance and explanation would be helpful too. Also I did to a clearblue test on the 9th of April which did to me anyways appear to have a faint line but I’ve heard people don’t trust them as there is always a leftover line? But even in myself knowing how pregnancy feels Ive felt pregnant from as early as the beginning of April but maybe my mind is playing tricks? I did another clearblue digital the 14th of April but that appeared with a book sign which was no help whatsoever I apologise if I’m all over the place I’m just so stressed out.

OP posts:
Bananabread8 · 30/07/2020 03:38

The person you saw briefly.... did you actually ask him if he “finished”? I don’t know what to suggest OP but these kind of things do happen! How do you feel? Who would you want to be the father of your unborn child.

LunaNorth · 30/07/2020 03:42

From what you’ve said, your biggest priority should be getting yourself, your three year old and your unborn child away from your partner and to a place of safety.

Worry about the other stuff later. The baby is yours, and you need to keep yourself safe for him/her.

HagridsBackTeeth · 30/07/2020 04:05

Agree with LunaNorth
There are ways out of abusive relationships. Don't stay just because you are pregnant.

Gingerkittykat · 30/07/2020 04:50

Can you contact womans aid and try and make a plan to get out of the relationship?

The DNA tests can wait for now.

FourPlasticRings · 30/07/2020 05:05

I agree, OP. It's a moot point for now- get yourself and your son out of there ASAP. Do you have any family you could stay with? Remember to take any passports and birth certificates etc with you.

Hayley2303 · 30/07/2020 05:28

I’d say leave him, and focus on the rest later, I’ve been in this situation but I left before my child was born. Being in a abusive relationship is not acceptable , there’s even things partner does that you would even think is abusive but it is. Contact women’s aid they’ll help you , they did me. Best of luck please take yourself your son and your unborn to safety x

Hayley2303 · 30/07/2020 05:30

Sorry I meant to say “ there’s things your partner does that you wouldn’t even know is abusive but it is” after me speaking to women’s aid it’s an eye opener as to how much abuse I actually I took without realising half of it till I spoke out to them x

Natureotter · 30/07/2020 06:04

I think your child will be your partners. If the other guy didn’t finish, that pretty much rules him out tbh.

I think this is a big wake up call for you to get out though, you and your kids deserve better.

Original poster
BonbonJJx97 · 30/07/2020 07:34

Yes I asked the other guy if he came and he said no and not to be too much but normally you know cause can feel it

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 30/07/2020 07:43

So if he didn’t - sure it’s just about possible but very unlikely. But can we talk about your abusive relationship? Can you safely leave?

steppemum · 30/07/2020 07:50

@LunaNorth

From what you’ve said, your biggest priority should be getting yourself, your three year old and your unborn child away from your partner and to a place of safety.

Worry about the other stuff later. The baby is yours, and you need to keep yourself safe for him/her.

please do what Luna suggests. Your partner sounds abusive. It sounds as if you have sex with him because he demands it. Do you realise this is rape if you don't want it?

You are worth more than this.
leave and make a family with your kids away from him.

And please think about contraception for the future, so you can chose when to have kids, it is your body, it is your choice.

Flowers
Original poster
BonbonJJx97 · 30/07/2020 07:58

I’ve tried and he just turns up everywhere he’s even got friends to follow me or watch me and where I go he’s threatened to kill me plenty of times and if he knew this I wouldn’t put anything past him, I’ve tried getting help through my council which was a waste of time I don’t live with him but my family but that wouldn’t be anything to stop him kicking down the front door he knows I’m home most of the time myself and if he can’t get to me like that he most definitely will if I go anywhere he’s never hit his son just me. Half the time I end up feeling sorry for him AndyThinking he’s right and it’s my fault and it must be the manipulation it sounds stupid I know but when you’re in the situation it’s completely different.

OP posts:
LunaNorth · 30/07/2020 08:12

Sweetheart, ring the police.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 30/07/2020 08:22

Please get help urgently from an organisation like Refuge

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

Original poster
BonbonJJx97 · 30/07/2020 09:27

Natureotter - but when did I conceive? I’ve used countless of reverse due date calculators some say i conceived the 23rd of March and some say the 6th of April. I just feel like I’ve been pregnant for a lot longer. I have irregular periods so that’s no help. I never mentioned anything to my midwife in hopes the dna test would of gave me the answers but I only get the inconclusive results yesterday and will have to do it again. Maybe she can help me understand I just thought if it was the 6 of April I would be earlier than I am.

I’ve contacted a refuge and have also been talking to a lady from the live chat. I am looking into my safety for me and my son I just would like some help on when i may have conceived.

OP posts:
thesunwillout · 30/07/2020 09:46

From what you've reduced so far it would seem more likely you conceived earlier than 6th April.

As you can't know for sure, I think you should carry on with the active steps you've taken to leave this man.

It's normal your all over the place in this situation.

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