Anxiety vicious circle... worried (HA!) that it's affecting cycles? (TTC)

[CC81]

Does anyone else struggle with physical symptoms of anxiety, even when mentally there's nothing specific that you're worrying about?

It's like my body gets into a physical habit of anxiety/stress and can't break out of it, even when I take steps to improve things mentally. I already take propranolol for anxiety, which does help - and I've made some lifestyle changes to cope with things better - but it seems so much worse in recent months.

Getting to the point: I worry that this is affecting my cycles. The last few have been a bit strange, despite seeming pretty normal beforehand.

I feel on edge all the time, as if I've had a strong coffee. Obviously I'm a bit concerned about TTC, as it's been 6 months and I'm 38 - but not to the point where it's dominating my life (yet).

I wonder if it's partly a hangover from the CV19 lockdown... I was trying to look after my toddler while working from home, which was really tough at times! She's now back at nursery part-time, but my brain hasn't quite got back to normal.

During lockdown I had:

• Two cycles where I had an LH surge halfway through, but spotting before my period started
• One cycle where I had an LH surge halfway through, but then my period was 2 weeks late (so think I must have had a second surge later in the cycle, which was actually when I ovulated)
• Now a cycle where I'm past halfway and no LH surge yet, unless I've missed it with testing (I know that can happen)

I've also been checking my BBT, but there's no obvious pattern yet.

We're planning to seek some initial (private) fertility tests soon, but I'm waiting until the timing of my cycles settles down again. Although I've started to worry that it won't. And WORRYING IS WHAT I DON'T NEED!

The uncertainty of all this is probably (ironically) what's causing the anxiety, and thus the problems.

I'm aware that obsessing about fertility may well have adverse effects on fertility... but I don't know much about the science of it; and how likely it really is to be related (i.e. simply anxiety, rather than severe stress).

Anyone else in the same boat?

I mean people tell us to relax all the time and that stress is bad for TTC - but I'm pretty sure there's no research to back it up with? Likewise I always think women manage to have babies in wars, as rape victims and a whole bunch of traumatic /stressful situations so surely we should be able to as well?

It certainly wont be GOOD for us, but then again it's not like you can just stop being anxious. So perhaps read something like "it starts with the egg" to pick up things you could do to improve your chances and kinda counter whatever influence stress might be having on you?

@Juno231 - Thanks, those are good points! It may just be a random coincidence.

The thing is, I'm not sure that more thinking on the subject will help my anxiety levels. It's my natural instinct to research things, but I have a tendency to get obsessive and overthink... which tends to get worse the more I read about a subject.

At present I'm finding it relaxes me (in a cathartic way) to vent on this forum and talk to those in a similar position. But that may change!

@cc81 I know what you mean and I'm anxious person myself so in the same boat. What do you mean when you say there's no pattern to your BBT btw? As in it's not showing ovulation? If I could have a look maybe I could shed some more light on it?

@Juno231 - That's really kind if you, thanks. It's only a couple of weeks so far, so probably too soon! But I'll paste it anyway.

Again, somewhat ironically, I've been a bit worried this week because I haven't had a positive OPK yet this month (it's CD15 and up until last month, which was longer, my cycles were 26 days).

I just feel all out of whack!

BBT so far...

Oh yeah, and I've had some EWCM for 6 consecutive days now

@Juno231 - Another addition, about my BBT: My sleep quality has been a bit rubbish in recent weeks, which I suspect has affected my temp results.

The chart is based on waking up, but my temp has usually been lower later in the day, which is confusing (as waking temp is meant to be lowest?).

Have you been monitoring yours for a long time?