TTC after miscarriage why do I feel sad?!

[Nicovee]

Hey ladies,

Looking for some advice, unfortunately I miscarried in June, which would of been our first baby. I have now had my monthly gift so we are talking about trying again. However, unlike the first time I just don't feel excited about it. Is this normal? Am I maybe trying to protect myself or is it maybe not the right time? I'm driving myself crazy trying to figure it out. X

@Nicovee so sorry you've experienced this. I had a MMC in May and have been trying again since. I definitely don't feel as excited and I think it is protecting myself. There's a lot of fear that it will happen again and a lot of desperation to make sure it does happen again. Even if I do manage to fall again I don't think I'll enjoy it like the first time which is a real shame 😔 we'd been TTC for 2 years, finally getting somewhere regarding fertility appointments and fell naturally after relaxing about finally getting help.

Hi @Stabal thank you so much for your message and sorry to hear about your loss. I have just been getting myself so upset as I feel like a terrible person for not being excited. I know it's likely as soon as I am pregnant again that feeling will go away but just now it's really getting me down xx

@Nicovee you're probably right that the feeling will fade when you do get pregnant again but please remember it's definitely normal to feel how you're feeling now and even when you are pregnant again. We told our family when I was 6 weeks but I'm not sure I'd do that again next time round? Even though having the support was lovely and the whole reason we told them early was in case something happened but I felt so much shame come 9 weeks having to tell them all after they were so excited. It's a really awful situation to be in but know you're not alone and you feelings are valid 💕

@Stabal I absolutely know how that feels. We were pretty much forced into telling our families as they wanted to have a socially distanced BBQ and I was refusing due to being pregnant. The MIL pushed and pushed until eventually we had to tell her. Don't really think the stress helped the whole situation so hopefully next time they will be gracious enough to allow us to tell in our own time xx

Hi @Nicovee

I’ve just had a mmc and a very long drawn out miscarriage at 11+2 (8 weeks worth of medical management and 2 lots of surgical management). I’ve also had 4 chemicals but the last miscarriage has mentally scarred me as I got so far without knowing.

I’m no longer excited to TTC and dreading testing and think if I do get pregnant I won’t be able to relax and I will be over protective over being pregnant and when I give birth. But we are going to TTC straight away as I have this huge void and feel so empty now.

I think it’s totally normal to feel sad, scared, upset xx

@TTCROYGBIV thank you so much for sharing and I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Thank you both for making me fell less alone and like my feelings are more normal xx

100%

I do have a DD but I had an early miscarriage in May. I'd only known 4 days, had told my mum and sisters 2 days after, but I'm glad because they were so supportive and in the nicest sense, stopped the 'are you going to have another question' - well yes, we really want too! Obviously it wasn't meant to be, and I try to think it didn't carry on for a reason, hopefully a blessing for that baby.

I realised I couldn't stop TTC, it felt like the only way to feel like it was going to be ok, I'm craving being pregnant. I'm just starting TWW on the second cycle since it happened. We fell pregnant on the first cycle so I was naturally a little disappointed when life didn't just let me do it again! (Totally wishful thinking, it took a lot longer with DD so I was gobsmacked on round one)

I definitely feel more cautious in myself, but I'm trying to relax and just let it be. I really hope you feel better about it soon. I don't think I'll ever forget, I had a wobble on what would have been 12 weeks etc and I know come my due date it'll be hard but I'm hopeful that we can at least be pregnant by then x

My OH is so positive and upbeat about trying again that I almost feel guilty for not feeling the same. I just feel like I want to sit on the floor with a jar of Nutella and a spoon some days and cry 😂 I'm finding it hard to understand how for something I wanted so so badly just a few months ago I now feel so sad/nervous about it. @ChunkyButFunky87 thank you for your message. I was first month too and this will be my first time trying so keeping everything crossed for you xx

I recently had a miscarriage and was obsessed with trying, did OPKs, had plenty pregnancy tests in house to test when my period was due so found out so early with this pregnancy. It was a missed miscarriage so was 11 weeks but baby didn't develop after 6 weeks. I now feel like when we are ready to try again I don't even want tests in the house, I don't need to know straight away, just need to let nature take course and if period doesn't come then order tests and wait. Think that'll help me cope better not living and breathing the process xx