This is my first ever MS post, after much lurking, so apologies in advance for any errors!
Our NY resolution for 2020 was to start our family and we got off to a great start - I was one of those magical unicorns that got a BFP after our first cycle of 'not really trying'. We were so delighted and surprised at how quickly it had happened, felt too good to be true, which it turned out it was as I ended up having a MMC at the beginning of March. Took a while to recover (mentally & physically), but we've now had 4 cycles of actively trying, with conception vitamins/LH tracking, the works, but no luck.
My DH has been on antidepressants for 2-3 years, & I'm wondering if it's having an impact... Firstly it's vastly lowered his libido and also makes it hard for him to 'get there', so although we try to DTD regularly over the fertile window he can't do a 'quickie' so it's always a long session, which when you're trying to do it every other day/every day gets quite tiring/sore, he can't always cum, and we don't do it as much throughout the month as we should be doing... And I'm also wondering whether it might have an impact on the quality/quantity of his sperm. He did a home test and it came back positive but with the faintest line, so it might be that he's on the verge of having a low sperm count (on the NHS site they say this can be a side-effect).
I know 4 cycles isn't a long time, and we got a BFP before so it would suggest we can conceive, but I've suggested we could contact a fertility clinic to both have MOTs. I'm one of those people that likes to plan, and is quite methodical, so I feel like I'd be a lot more positive if I knew that everything was in working order (for both of us), it was just a case of persevering and getting lucky. I also really want to avoid having another miscarriage if at all possible as it was horrific, so it would be good to get some reassurance that things were in working order for both sides.
I'm now 33 so I don't want to leave it a year TTC before we then find out if anything is wrong, to then start trying to resolve any issues, and then I'm 35 and my fertility starts to tail off anyway! Feel like my life is on hold at the moment, with hoping for something I have literally no control over, so just looking for things that would bring reassurance.
He's said he'd prefer to talk to his Dr about lowering his dose/weaning himself off his SSRI, which I think would help physically with being able to 'get there', and we'd end up doing it more, but I think he needs something else in place like CBT/counselling/regular exercise plan etc as he is on antidepressants for a reason and mentally he's in such a better place (and consequentially we as a couple are!) than before he was taking them... But he's refused previous offers of CBT from the Dr, and the NHS is pretty stretched right now so not sure if it's even available. Nervous about him coming off them as life is pretty stressful these days what with a global pandemic generally, and if we do then get pregnant we'll embark on the most stressful period of our lives. Feels like it's not the best time to make such a big change.
Don't know what my question is really... Have other people got pregnant when the DH was on antidepressants and do they think it affected their journey? Should we just have an MOT and talk to someone qualified to see if there's even an issue, as if his sperm is fine/healthy & plentiful then for his mental health it would seem best to stay on his meds and just carry on? Are antidepressants for life, or do you take them to get through a bad patch with the ultimate aim of eventually coming off them? Has anyone come off anti-D's and what's it like? Did anything help make it easier? How can I support him if he does?
Obviously really want for us to have a healthy baby, and he'd make the most wonderful dad, but don't want to put his mental health at risk to try and get there... And he'd get very frustrated and snappy before going on the anti-D's, so worried he'll go back to that and then I won't want to have sex with him anyway haha!
Any advice gratefully received x