Absolutely devastated

[AmesK]

Just a bit of a moan and whinge. I just feel so terrible :(

TTC for two years with no success. This cycle we DTD every other day, my day 21 progesterone bloods showed I had ovulated and I wasn’t even getting the cramps I get pre- AF a week before.

AF is due tomorrow and I was so hopeful.
But now, I felt super heavy, exactly like AF is coming and had a speck of blood when wiping, suggesting AF is going to start.
I am absolutely devastated :( This was the first real month I had hope and I just felt this was the month I would finally get my BFP. And I feel absolutely terrible :(

I’m at work and have burst into tears and I just don’t know what to do anymore or how to cope

I've not got any advice but just wanted to offer you some support. Your time will come! It sounds like you've already spoken to your doctor and they've started doing tests? Hopefully if they have then they'll be able to give you some reassurance/answers and help speed things up for you.

I don't have any advice, but I do share your pain. We're at 19 months so a bit behind you but I have had months where the arrival of AF had caused tears, usually the months where you get your hopes up. It's such a bitter pill to swallow when it seems everyone but you gets pregnant without even thinking about it.
Take some time to feel the sadness. What's the next step for you now the CD21 has been done? Has your partner had a SA yet? My thoughts are with you

@Curiosity101 @PlanBea Thank you so much for your kind words. You don’t know how much it means.

As I said I feel absolutely, fully and utterly heartbroken, in a way I haven’t felt before in this journey. I think because I really really thought it happened this month :( I can’t stop crying.

I’ve had tests and I suffer from everything. PCOS, endometriosis, fibroids. I had surgery 6 months ago for the endo and am on metformin. My day 21 test has been normal two months in a row now and my Day 2 tests show a very slight imbalance of FSH and LH (ratio of 1:1.6 is what my doctor said).My partner has had the Semen analysts just this week . I stupidly thought this was my month

I just feel completely and utterly exhausted and just cannot stop crying. I can’t see this ever happening for me now and I just feel helpless. I don’t know what more to do, what more I can change.
I’m sorry for the long rant, I just am devastated

It's completely understandable that you are devastated. It is heartbreaking.

@AntiHop Thank you so much. With each month that passes I feel more alone and more down. I’ve become hopeless now :(

Are you having fertility treatment? Because I tried all sorts for 6+ years and only IVF got me pregnant in the end but lots of people around me got pregnant on clomid or via IUI.

@Isthisfinallyit Thanks for your reply. I’ve just had the surgery 6 months ago and was waiting to be seen for follow up to discuss next steps. It’s all been cancelled because of covid and I have no idea what to do next. I’ve spoken to the fertility team and they can’t tell me when clinics will start again

If you can afford it go private. I think my first consultation was £100 and then I had one more appointment that included a scan and was prescribed clomid. So it was about £250 to get that and it does work for a lot people. It didn't work for me and I'm on the expensive ivf train now, but I regret not getting things rolling sooner.

@seven201 Thanks so much for your advice :) I think you’re right, I’ll look into this now because it’s the constant waiting and wondering that’s an extra depressing burden on top of it all :(

This is going to be a very silly stupid question I know, but I just felt like this was my month. Is there any chance this could just be an implantation bleed? I mean it’s unlikely right? I have THE EXACT, absolute exact feeling I have when AF is starting, down to the back pain, heavy feeling, stomach gurgling, pulling sensation in the abdomen etc. If it was implantation bleeding I wouldn’t have those right??

I think I’m just going mad- completely desperate attempts to see hope although I know there isn’t any!

I don’t want to get your hopes up but I was so convinced my period was about to arrive that I didn’t test until 5 days after my period was due. That was when I was pregnant with my daughter years ago. I didn’t have any bleeding though, although I did have 3 early bleeds in pregnancy with her, but not until later.

@seven201 You are very very sweet for giving me some hope! I really want to have some hope but I have done this every time. Hope for implantation and it never was. The only reason I hoped more on this cycle is because I just I don’t know, felt like I was successful! Does that sound absolutely crazy?

I don't think it's crazy. I've never before had the I think it's worked feeling and we've tried for 39 months in total, including one dd, one early miscarriage and then nothing for over two years since that. Every body is different though so you just won't know until it's time to test. Good luck.

@seven201 Thank you! I appreciate your support :) I was really positive that this was my month and as soon as I started getting these cramps etc I lost that feeling.

I’m so sorry to hear about your losses but am super happy that you have a DD. I wish you every success and happiness

Bumping to ask if anyone has any ideas about what I should do next?

I’m very confused and feeling tired so just need some advice :(

I’ve had investigations and have been shown to have endometriosis, PCOS and fibroids. Ive has surgery for the endometriosis in Feb of this year. Am on metformin to help with the PCOS. My Husband has just had sperm analysis too so awaiting the results. It’s been a stressful 2 years and now that there are no Gynae clinics running, I’m confused about what to do next?

What is the next step for me? Please help!