Dealing with the disappointment

[RobinRose]

How do you deal with the disappointment of af arriving every month? We are now on month 10 and feel so stupid thinking it wouldn't take this long. I didn't think we would hit the 12month mark but it looks like we will😔

Some months are easier than others. Some months still hit me really hard (we're starting month 19). I find the months where I focus less on the task of "we are making a baby" and more on the process of connecting with DH and enjoying DTD are easier. It still sucks though! It doesn't help when listening to other people talking about how they got pregnant the first month of trying/they never had issues or the "so when are you having children?" Lot. It also helps to stop planning "if we get pregnant this month or next, we could announce it on mother's Day to the parents/on FIL's birthday". Though I am still really bad about that one! We humans like to torture ourselves sometimes.

I also try and focus on enjoying the things I can't do when pregnant/a parent, so having a glass of wine in front of the telly, having a lie in at the weekend, silly things like that. Also chatting on here with others in the same boat really helps!

It's so so hard. That feeing when you wake up in the morning and can feel your period is soon to make an appearance is absolutely heart breaking. What I will say is that it will happen. I promise. I like looking and appreciating my current lifestyle: more money in the bank, going out for dinner when I like, booking a last minute holiday, having time to myself when I want. I appreciate this can't replace a baby, but so many of my friends with kids have issues and concerns that I don't have to worry about, so I just try and appreciate what i have got. A lot of my friends with kids have felt very stressed and anxious with Covid for example and that's one less thing I've had to deal with. I totally get that a baby is the dream and what we are aiming for, but try to appreciate your current lifestyle and that might help.

I'm with you and sending a social distanced hug. I also wouldn't be put off from going to the doctor. If you are confident you've been doing it at the correct time each month (I used the expensive clear blue sticks as I cannot be doing with trusting apps, lines on cheap sticks and temperature), taking folic acid etc then it's not going to hurt going to the doc. You have to be having unprotected sex for a year, not actually "trying" for a year. x

Thank you both for you replies, they are really helpful and I will take your advice on board! Your right we do have the freedom to do what we want at the moment. we recently bought a river boat, i have found it quite relaxing and stops me thinking about all things baby! My periods are quite painful so I find it makes af arrival even worse. I have recently had day 3 and 21 bloods, both came back ok. My fsh level looks a little high but the dr wasn't concerned. I have stopped using opks,just dtd as and when we like really, i dont want to stress about it anymore. I think I'm feeling a little sensitive because my sister told me a couple of days ago she and her dp are looking at ttc no.2 at the end of the year, I sound so childish(I would be happy for her oviosuly) but I would be so upset and gutted if she conceived her second before I've conceived my first. Thank you for the cyber social distance hug!! Are you both ttc? Sending you lots of luck 🍀

Hi @RobinRose I found out I was pregnant last week, although I have absolutely no symptoms (except a positive test and missed period) so slightly worried it hasn't "stuck" so haven't told anyone (except husband) and just waiting 2-3 more weeks then will go for a viability scan. We were trying a while. It will happen, I promise. Just enjoy the river boat and take for granted all the things you can do while being kid free. That's what I did x

Hi,

I hope you don't mind me joining. I was looking for advice as to how to cope with the disappointment of AF and not being able to conceive.

@Foodie2020 not at all! How long have you been ttc for? I'm still trying to find a way to deal with af arriving!

Hello. AF arriving is a chance to try again. Maybe there are new tips you could try out etc. I found out I was pregnant last week after over a year of trying, and I'm not holding out hope that this will be a success, but I always got very down when I felt it coming, but the day it arrived I actually felt better and realised I would be able to try again soon x

Hi,
This is cycle 3 (which I know is early but I'm late 30's so time is ticking on). I know this month is a write off so going into TTW for AF so we can give it another go next month.
I know I can get low mood when due on but not usually on ovulation but I could just cry at the minute.... I don't know how to handle this time constructively....

Being honest. I’ve been off the pill for 6 months, but Only really trying for 3 and I’m already finding it hard.
To make things worse I tested at 11dpo this cycle and got a faint positive but very visible. Then followed on by negatives and af so must have been a false positive. The last 2 months I’ve thought of nothing else, especially being on furlough, but I think I need to relax and try not to let it take over things. I have to get progesterone etc checked day 21 this cycle due to lots of spotting so after that at least I’ll know if everything is fine. It’s hard tho, especially when some people manage to get pregnant from one night stands and yet others try and try and really struggle.
Hoping we all get there x

Hi @LT103, thank you for replying. We have decided to just let things be this month and enjoy being us. I know what you mean about how easily some people find it being frustrating!!!!! Being on furlough really isn't helping- it's not as you can go out and about loads (well you can I guess within reason but then there's the issue of if you want to risk doing that... I do believe we will have a second wave, especially as the temperature has dropped again).

@RobinRose I think it's worse being on furlough...especially when OH is working, though that said all my friends have children so to go and socialise I am surrounded by friends children. I have been trying to plan Christmas....if we have not caught I am defo taking that month off so I can drink, eat pate, and trough the healthy diet out the window for a few weeks.

I'm not very arty but so enjoy making things so have been looking into buying candle making kits, I can make some pretty things and fill my time with distractions.

@Foodie2020 I agree, have been working from home since before lockdown which is bad enough, being at work takes my mind off things! Working from home just isn't the same. That sounds like a great idea! I'm going to order a candle making kit 😁 even my dp likes the sound of it 😂 I have lots of colouring books I dib in and out of and have done the odd puzzle but I have the attention span of a goldfish!

I find music helps if I am feeling a but down the louder the better!

@RobinRose I'm glad you like the candle idea. A friend of mine sells them online now as well as it has become a side business for a bit of extra money towards treats and holidays.
We got a jigsaw made of our cats, picked the photo from our stash, and had it made in 2000 pieces. it was about £40 and you can buy a fixing spray so you can put it into a huge frame and hang on the wall once you're done. We have not got it finished but it's nice to do it together. I know people have ordered couple pics etc and had fewer pieces and they like them. Maybe worth considering that as well. I used Myphotopuzzle.co.uk