Need a pep talk

[Blondecomment0703]

Looking for some positive words this morning as feeling really flat.

In our third cycle actively ttc, naively thought it would be easy. Been off the pill for years and use Natural Cycles as contraception so know my (very regular!) cycle very well.

First month had a chemical pregnancy which was so upsetting, as we thought I was pregnant for a few days, and the bleed I had when I was about a week overdue was awful. Then second cycle was weird- not sure I ovulated (I used the flashing smiley clearblues).

This month felt confident and we dtd every two days (and actually every day right around ovulation). Started feeling quite sick over the weekend and had a weird fluttery feeling in my pelvic area on Friday.

Anyhow I think I am 10dpo today, woke up and took a Clearblue early pregnancy test- negative. My BBT has dropped right down so I assume I am headed towards AF. This is due on Thursday. My cycles are short- around 26/27 days- could this be the issue?

Feeling unbelievably deflated and genuinely like there is something wrong with us. I have such regular cycles and such clear patterns of ovulation in terms of BBT that perhaps it is something which happens later in terms of implantation. I didn’t realise the process of trying to get pregnant was so cruel or anxiety inducing, and after only three months in I feel so downhearted! So many of my friends have got pregnant first time or accidentally. After the chemical pregnancy so many people suggested this is a super fertile time and I’d likely get pregnant fast. Really feeling there is something wrong now. I’m 31 so know age may come into it, and I’ve also had quite a few problems/ procedures with cervix after hpv.

Hi, I didn't want to read and run.

3 months is still very early, it can take up to a year for a healthy and fertile couple to conceive, so don't give up hope. If you're worried something is wrong you could always get privately tested. I think they cost around £300? You can get these tests done on the nhs if you've been trying for a year.

So sorry to read about your chemical

I remember the first month of TTC, and the feeling of "it's crazy, we just made a baby!" (Side note: we had not). You spend your whole adult life being told to not even think about sex as you'll get pregnant, to find out in reality it's not like that. It's like a double blow, then you get the helpful people saying things like "oh, DH only has to look at me and I'm pregnant!" - not helpful.

80% of couples conceive in the first year. Three cycles isn't long, it feels like forever though. With short cycles, it depends on if you've got a short follicular or short luteal phase. It sounds like your luteal might be a little short as AF is poking about at 10dpo. There's lots of progesterone boosting foods that can help naturally extend it a little further which will help. Oily fish, leafy greens, berries and nuts (all the usual things that people day to eat, pretty much). Honestly the best thing to do about it is to reduce stress though. Try and enjoy the ttc conceive process and the connection with your partner, it makes it a bit easier to survive a BFN when you are enjoying the process (I'm on month 18 and it's been the months that I've enjoyed the process that have been easiest to deal with, the ones where it's just doing the job of baby making are the toughest!) Fingers crossed for you

@PlanBea good advice. We are currently approaching month 20 of TTC so similar to you. I second the trying not to stress thing. My pregnancies (albeit unsuccessful) happened when I wasn't stressing

Good luck to you both

@PlanBea @Daffodil21thank you so much both for coming back to me. Both of your messages have helped me get a reality check and get my head back in the game. You’re totally right- I’m in a circle of three ladies who all ‘got pregnant the first month’ and it’s quite a tough pill to swallow when it doesn’t seem to be working.

I’m really interested to hear about things which could increase progesterone. I tend to have slow rising temperature after ovulation so I think that could be a very real problem. I’m going to look into it now.

Wish you both all the luck and thanks for caring about me x

@Blondecomment0703 it's hard not to feel disappointed when you hear other people's news!

You might like to join this thread:

TTC Thread #2 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3941503-ttc-thread-2

It's very supportive and full of ladies TTC. I think I'm the longest in the game but there are lots of other ladies that are earlier on in the process

I remember the feeling well OP - unfortunately it isn’t as easy as it looks on tv or in the movies!

Most couples can take up to a year, took us 6/7 months. Every month I thought surely this time and the negatives are crushing.

I’m sure it will happen for you, and it won’t feel real when it does. Try not to stress too much or schedule TTC like a military operation - takes all the fun out of it! Good luck x

Per the Fertility Friend chart of age vs months TTC - 31 is roughly at the AVERAGE 6 months point. So you're still early days, and clearly you managed to catch on your very first go as well! I reckon the second cycle might not even count as your hormones would have been all over the place.

When you say your cycle is 26/27 days, how long is your LP normally?

I know how you feel though - I'm due to start cycle 7 on Wednesday and never thought in a million years I would take this long as all my friends caught on cycle 1 or 2 and never even heard of OPKs pretty much. Very frustrating!

@Blondecomment0703 any time, these boards have kept me sane many a time when I've been full flow TTC madness!

I think there's a bit of a thing still about trying to conceive and it not happening straight away. A friend during pregnancy told me they fell pregnant pretty much straight away, then about a year later, her DH mentioned something about "trying for a while" when recanting the story of finding out they were expecting to a friend. I'm not upset, I know what a challenge it feels to my sense of womanhood that I can't get pregnant, it's not something I want to shout to people who know me in the real world. But it helps me to take the comments about how super crazy fertile my friends are with a pinch of salt. Some people are lucky, but statistically it's also very unlikely to happen to everyone but you!

@Juno231 so my cycle would be 26 days total, ovulation is usually on day 13. Interestingly, my pregnancy tests were negative right up until the day before my period was due on the month I got pregnant, so wondering if I implant quite late? Interesting and reassuring that 6 months is the average.

@PlanBea that’s fascinating- I agree there’s almost a sense of ‘failure’ about it which is absolutely nuts. Doesn’t help I come from a family of women who seem to get pregnant by breathing on a pregnancy test.

@blondecomment0703 that's a good length FP and LP though so doesn't sound like you'd need to worry on that part! If you implanted late it could be why you miscarried - I think stats are 82% risk of miscarriage for implantations 11 DPO onwards. Saying that, there's no way to know now if perhaps you just had a slightly slower rise in HCG but actually implanted earlier. Likewise it doesn't mean the same will happen next time :)