Preconception planning - anyone want to join?

[sunflowersaremyfav93]

Hello!

I've been reading loads on the importance of pre-conception nutrition and preparing your body. Some say 3 months before and I've seen some that say 6 months before.

I find myself trawling through threads on Mumsnet but wondered if there were any ladies planning to start TTC in the next few months and wanted a forum to chat about ways to prepare / excitement of it all etc.

I often find myself going on to my bf and mum and they're like ok ok! 😂

I am feeling all over the place today. I just wish coronvirus would do one...it's making it so difficult to make decisions!!

IF and it is a big IF I got pregnant this month then I would be almost 6 months at the wedding....
I've got a million questions
Is my dress is unlikely to fit, will I feel ok enough to enjoy the day?
OH has just said he's not sure about trying this month because we might not get to have a honeymoon if I do get pregnant before the wedding.
I
But then the reason we decided to get the coil out now was because what if they wedding can't go ahead? And I've put things off for another few months.

If one more person tells me that older women than me get pregnant all the time I'm going to punch them! I am aware that older women can get pregnant naturally of course....and I know some of you are older than me do please don't take offense by what I've said. But have been told by doctors for years that I should just start trying because of my endometriosis...so I have that weighing on my mind. Even the Dr removing the coil said just hope you get pregnant asap.

I have literally no idea what my body is going to do. I just don't know what to do for the best 😔

@bells3032 Ooh I didn’t even think to find out what my bf’s firm offer, I thought the two week paid was a given? Yeah the wfh will be so much better won’t it!! I work in a law firm in London and I can’t imagine I’d ever go back to being in the office 5 days a week now which also saves a lot on travel! Yeah I agree, I think prepping for the financial side of it is just as important. I want to be able to not worry about that side of things.

@jameszebra you’re so right it is ok to feel sad and I think it’s important we do. I’m seeing a friend tomorrow, she’s been TTC for a year now and is having investigations so will try lift her spirits. Funny how we spend so long trying to not get preg and then when we want to it’s not as easy. Apparently not thinking about it and worrying about it is key as well.... I’m working on that part. 😂 the house purchase will keep you me mind occupied tho!

Hi, jumping on this thread Looking to start trying at end of the month. Was going to wait until December but thinking about maternity leave it would be nice to have it start in the spring / early summer haha. Haven’t really thought much about preparing my body (probably naive!) but will reconsider if we’re successful after the first few months. Exciting times

*unsuccessful

@5rosebud welcome ☺️
You should definitely be taking folic acid and vitamin D supplements. Have you been on hormonal contraception? Xx

Sorry guys, been a few days. Having some hiccups with our house and it's making me feel a bit down at maybe having to delay TTC even more.

@sunflowersaremyfav93 that's so true - you spend your whole life being warned to use protection etc. as you absolutely will get pregnant without and then when you actually want to it takes forever

@butterfly5291 so sorry you're having a tough time with making that decision. I guess the thing to weigh up for you and your DH is what your priority is at the moment? Could you live with having a 'babymoon' (a smaller holiday before the baby is born) rather than a honeymoon? In things I've read people seem to say start TTC earlier rather than putting it off as it's likely to take longer than you expect. Although we've been a bit reticent due to coronavirus too, as it makes all decisions feel a bit less secure so I'm totally with you on that one.

@sunflowersaremyfav93 The ClearBlue ones are very easy to use, these ones apparently track estrogen levels as well at LH so a bit of extra information which is nice. I got this box as leftovers from a friend of mine who got her BFP earlier in the year, looks like they're £30 for 20 on Amazon though so don't think I'll be using these exclusively going forward or I'll be broke!

I'm a little bit worried about the mat leave situation, I am not naturally frugal and I also earn 3x what my husband does so any drop in my salary will be felt more. My package is pretty good, 3 months full, 3 months half and then statutory for the balance (also at a law firm, sunflower) and my husband is well up for taking some shared parental leave, but I would be a little sad to go back at six months. Hopefully with savings we can stretch a little further.

My temp was up a little bit this morning, but not masses (.2 of a degree or so), so don't know if I actually ovulated or not. I also had a crap night's sleep which I've heard can throw things off? I should probably just chill out and go with the flow, but that's never really been my style!

I am only entitled to statutory maternity pay which is scarily low, me and my other half have budgeted it out in a spreadsheet and it is very tight but doable!

I am saving as much as I can... and me and my partner are also saving into a joint savings account.

I did have to laugh the other day- me and Martin have a joint account which we equally pay a set amount in each month for bills etc. He asked me if I was saving to 'make up the shortfall of what I couldn't put in whilst I was on maternity'

Short conversation later he now understands that he will have to contribute more while I am on leave 🤣

I completely understand the mat/pat maternity income issues. My husband is in a job at the min but doing a Masters and looking to change job soon, so that may mean no pat leave for him. I'm not permanent in my job, but hope to time it correctly so I get pregnant, work all year to save and get statuory pay. That's the plan but we will see.

Said before I came off the pill on 21st June, had a extremely light withdrawal bleed on 25th (a tea spoon). Still no period yet, but getting a little pain in one side yesterday and feel like I need toilet all day today. Might be on it's way. I hope not because my husband has booked us away for our first wedding anniversary this weekend for one night in a hotel. But sure if it happens, it happens.

@OneStepOneStumble
OH text me just as I'd finished posting saying the most important thing to us is the baby so we will work everything around that if it happens.
I think I'll feel better this way. If I don't get pregnant then still got positives from it, whereas if we didn't even try it would be on my mind...what if that was our chance.

I'm big on keeping on top of finances and budgeting spreadsheets. I'm the higher earner too, (double OH) so reduction in my income will be massive! SMP is not a lot either!

@OneStepOneStumble that's good news it sounds like it's put your mind at rest!

@queenatom yeah that is really pricey 😂 I just bought some from Sainsburys when I did the food shop, £11.70 for 7 tests. I just want to see how accurate my app is so when we do start I feel like I can ‘relax’ and just DTD as much as poss? I know what you mean about going back at 6 months and sharing the leave. My partner would be brilliant but I’d def want to do the full year, I always hear people say you’ll never have enough money for a baby, it just works when it happens.

@wrensandrobins 😂😂 that’s so funny! At least he knows now and so good you’ve done a spreadsheet just takes the pressure off knowing it’s doable.

@kittyt30 how annoying that you might come on when you’re going away! Could even be ovulation pain tho? I have terrible cramps when I’m ovulating and it feels like I’m going to come on.

@butterfly5291 aw that’s lovely, reassuring.

With the finances it’s funny because although lockdown hasn’t been nice I’ve managed to save so much more than I would normally do by not paying the commute to London, going out as much and the odd coffee or lunch here and there. I was due to get promoted in April as well which was delayed due to Covid so hopefully they reinstate that soon.

Hi @5rosebud - I agree with butterfly, def start the folic and vitamin d ASAP but healthy diet is also important. Let us know how you get on! ❤️

@sunflowersaremyfav93 I'm so sorry that you are so stressed at the moment. Big hugs to you. I got my vit D pills in the post today and they are tiny, so no chance of splitting them!! 4000IU apparently is the highest safe dosage so hopefully should be fine until I get to the Dr's for my smear and I might just ask about it then.

I do worry about money sometimes. Me and hubby both earn a decent amount, and I get 4 and half months full pay and 12 months leave but I think with the whole coronavirus situation, does leave me feeling more worried about things than I normally would. One thing that helps is the amount of family that have just recently had a baby and have said they have put a tonne of stuff to the side for when its my time so hoping that will help cut costs a lot!

@OneStepOneStumble I really hope you get your house stuff sorted and your TTC journey doesn't get delayed any more than you want it to be.

@butterfly5291 I'm glad your feeling a bit better about the situation and sounds like you and OH are on the same page about a baby being priority

@JamesZebra you are so right with trying to keep a positive attitude. My hubbies best friend send a pic late last night to let us know she just had a baby girl, and although I so wanted to be happy for her, I was kinda gutted, even though we haven't even started trying!

Thanks for recommendations, I will definitely add it to my shopping list.

No I haven’t been on the pill for ages as it affected my moods so much. Used condoms for a while and then had the copper coil which I’ve just had taken out.

My diet is ok, very rarely drink & my BMI is fine. Although I’ve started exercising as I didn’t really do any!

Completely relate to people’s comments about finances; I created a spreadsheet last week and I don’t know how we’ll survive on my maternity pay We’ve started saving now!

I've just found this website maternity.money/
You put in your salary, due date, date your mat leave starts and then what mat pay you get, so i get 16 weeks full pay then 23 weeks SMP.
It calculated my current take home pay pretty accurately (deducts pension and student loan but nothing else yet)
Really helps give you a month by month picture.

@butterfly5291 that looks really good, thanks

Hi :) interesting to read about your mat pay and leave. It‘s quite different than here. Hope it‘ll work out perfectly for all of you. :)

I can totally relate to the thinking/worrying about finances. I tend to overthink that too (as well as getting pregnant apparently :D) Although I do think that it‘s very important to know what‘s what moneywise. :) Thumbs up for us.

Based on what you guys have said I am going to grab some folic acid and vit d tomorrow. Is there anything else I should get?

That’s really helpful @butterfly5291, thank you!

As far as I’m aware I will only get the basic maternity pay, which isn’t great. How do things work for you @Nate1?

@JamesZebra I‘m taking folic acid and vit d too :) my prenatal also includes iodine and my doctor said it‘s important but I can‘t really remember why. Sorry
Does anyone of you take it?

@MsQueenInTheNorth I get the basic plan too which for me is 2-3 month full salary around the birth (6 weeks before due Date and 6 after birth) and then I‘ll get 60% of my last salary for up to 10 month (paid from tax money not the companies) but they take the average out of my last year so I must have had my job for at leasteone year to get that.
How about you?

Statutory Maternity Pay ( SMP ) is paid for up to 39 weeks. You get: 90% of your average weekly earnings (before tax) for the first 6 weeks. £151.20 or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower) for the next 33 weeks.

So for the next 7 or so months you have to live on £600 a month

I wish I had a job with even a little maternity pay, but I work for a small charity!

Statutory Maternity Pay ( SMP ) is paid for up to 39 weeks. You get: 90% of your average weekly earnings (before tax) for the first 6 weeks. £151.20 or 90% of your average weekly earnings (whichever is lower) for the next 33 weeks.

So for the next 7 or so months you have to live on £600 a month

I wish I had a job with even a little maternity pay, but I work for a small charity!

12 weeks full salary would be lovely @Nate1! Do you have to start your maternity leave 6 weeks before the baby is due, or can you hold on for a bit longer?

I’m the same @wrensandrobins! I haven’t specifically asked, but I think it’s just the basic. I think that’s the norm for most registered charities?

@MsQueenInTheNorth I have some friends who work for charities, most have been SMP only but one or two had enhanced packages (albeit they were at slightly larger charities). I suppose you have to work on the basis of SMP only and then it'll be a pleasant surprise if there's anything more?

Having a nightmare trying to get started on temping accurately - have had two shocking nights sleep in a row (awake from 1am to 4 - 4.30am) so I doubt my readings are worth anything. Thinking I might just sack it off until I get my first bleed and then try again. Hopefully I'll get a decent kip tonight as I'm seriously flagging!

@queenatom Yes, I think so. A colleague of mine went on maternity leave back in the spring, and I’m fairly certain that she said she was only getting SMP. I don’t know whether people who are more senior than me will get something better, but we do the same job so I assume I’ll get the same as her!

Sorry to hear you’re struggling with the temping, I found it hard when I used natural cycles as I wake up quite a lot in the night so the number isn’t valid. I think I’m going to stick with using the cheap LH test strips from amazon for now and see how that affects the data on my apps.