Postponing ttc due to covid and gutted, anyone else in same boat?

[Greyhoundgirly]

Hi, apologies if there's already a similar thread on the go here but I just couldn't find one...!

DH and I were going to try for DC2 this year but have postponed it due to the covid pandemic. Without boring you with the greater details, it's been a decision based largely on my work circumstances (I had effectively started a new job and was furloughed before I barely did a thing!)...

Anyway, although I've tried to convince myself it's the 'right' thing to do to postpone, ever since then I've just felt almost bereaved every month AF swings by. Does that sound dramatic? I hope not, I don't want to offend anyone, I just feel all over the place emotionally and don't feel like I have anyone to talk to.

I'm just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me? Are you putting off ttc because of the pandemic, whether that be for health or other personal circumstances? And moreover, has that decision been a difficult one for you to come to terms with?

X

Hi, just to give a different story, me and my partner decided to keep to our plan of ttc as we didn't know how long it would take (irregular /long cycles) turns out I got pregnant first time tracking everything. I'll be 9weeks Thursday. At the moment partners can't come to scans and a lot of the appointments are being done over the phone. As it's my first I have nothing to compare it to so that doesn't really bother me and partners can come to private scans (so will be booking one for just before my nhs scan). I'm very happy to be pregnant, but also scared about the current situation. Good luck with whichever route you all decide!

Hi ladies, lots to catch up on here!

@Lurchermom @LouJ85 the issue of being able to have your birth partner present at appointments/the birth itself could be a real deal breaker for some people. I understand that hospitals are still asking ladies to attend appointments solo and asking that partners are only present for active labour. This could change, of course, but that's how I understand the set up currently. I think if you're on second baby you may be less deterred because you already know the drill, could be more scary for a first time mum. I believe private scan businesses are open and allowing partners to be there (where I live anyway) so that could be a nice way to see baby together!

@Dinosaurus86 thank you for the encouragement. You're right I mean I can hardly pretend to be too pious about it because I was planning on ttc shortly after starting anyway...! As @strawberry2017 says I should probably check my entitlements... (though in my case I am a pt low earner so smp wouldn't be too much of a loss financially!)

@Dozer haha I am significantly aged by all this too!!!
@ssw101 I was a commuter in my old job so I understand. I actually left old job for current one partly because I was fed up of taking the bus! Though with restrictions and face masks being mandatory now hopefully it'll be as safe as it can be

@Pol96 congrats! That's lovely news. I understand you'll be nervous with everything going on but maybe, as I mentioned above, you could book a private scan for partner to be with you on at least one baby-related occasion. I'll be honest with you, we conceived dc1 very quickly too so I had been working on the basis that this one will be the same...! How are you feeling? Have you shared your news with friends and family yet? X

Hi all,

Thanks for sharing your stories. I'm on a TTC thread elsewhere on MN, but didn't want to bring chat of C-19 concerns there as those ladies are all committed to their plans!

I had a MMC in March. Turned 36 in April, and that was our first pregnancy. It's tricky. I'm obviously gutted that it didn't take, but I would also have been anxious about care and not having the opportunity to bond with other mums-to-be locally - I'd booked pre-natal yoga and NCT classes that would have been cancelled anyway. Obvs if we TTC now that would still be the case.

I didn't feel ready to start TTC again until recently. For a while, both of our job situations looked wobbly. DH is still up and down with his work - it's looking a little better now after 3 months with nearly no work whatsoever. Mine is now sure until Christmas. We have good savings, and this is a pretty good moment for reduced income given when our mortgage is fixed until, so financially I'm minded to go for it - particularly given our ages (he's just turned 39). DH is a little more nervous about money.

Health-wise, I just don't know. I probably won't have to commute in the first trimester if we did get lucky in the next couple of months. Part of me thinks just go for it, because we're not getting any younger and recent experiences have shown me there are no guarantees anyway. Part of me worries that's selfish.

Last cycle we didn't do anything to prevent conception, but we didn't time DTD. We're gonna have another chat before my FW this cycle and make a decision.

Anyway, just sticking my head above the parapet to say it's nice to hear from others doing these particular brain circles. Good luck to you all with your decisions Xx

Hi @banbi thanks for your message. Good to hear your feelings about it all, though I am so sorry to hear about your mmc. That must have been really tough, especially with everything going on.

I wanted to start a thread here for people to air their worries without detracting from other people's ttc journeys. There seem to be a lot of women carrying on as normal, which is perfectly valid, and there seem to be women who are reevaluating, which is also valid. All kinds of personal factors come to play in these decisions, there's no easy answer. Love the expression 'brain circles' btw, that's exactly it!!

Good luck to you too with whatever you decide x

@Greyhoundgirly - this would be almost a deal breaker for me, and it's 2nd baby for me and 3rd for DP. But it's the issue of having done it by myself the first time round I want to have a completely different experience that involves me and DP this time. He also missed out on a lot of involvement with his other 2 kids due to being away in the military. So it means a lot to us to have this journey together. I'm now panicking a little about TTC in the coming months. I know the situation changes daily and could be very different when my first scan came around ... but it just doesn't sit comfortably at all! 😕

@LouJ85 I hear you, sorry you had to go it alone the first time around (but also well done you must be super strong). As far as current guidance goes I can only speak to the experience of friends who are currently pregnant, I don't know if it varies trust to trust. Usually you'd only go to hospital to book in/12 week scan (currently combined appointment as far as I'm aware) and to have a 20 week scan... So (and am not to diminish your concerns, just trying to think around it/reassure if I can) there would only be 2 occasions where you had to fly solo. The antenatal midwife appointments are currently over the phone so your partner can be with you then, and (finances permitting) you could always have a private scan or two to be together? What I'm trying to say is there are lots of ways to experience the pregnancy together outside of the few hospital appointments if that's your main concern but am absolutely understanding of your experiences and worries about it all xx

It's not overdramatic! Once you know that you're ready, it's so so hard.

@babyllamazen thank you! I have a very supportive OH but I think he fails to understand the strange, almost primal, desire I feel to have a baby and the disappointment I now feel having to delay it a bit. Are you ttc? X

[quote Greyhoundgirly]@LouJ85 I hear you, sorry you had to go it alone the first time around (but also well done you must be super strong). As far as current guidance goes I can only speak to the experience of friends who are currently pregnant, I don't know if it varies trust to trust. Usually you'd only go to hospital to book in/12 week scan (currently combined appointment as far as I'm aware) and to have a 20 week scan... So (and am not to diminish your concerns, just trying to think around it/reassure if I can) there would only be 2 occasions where you had to fly solo. The antenatal midwife appointments are currently over the phone so your partner can be with you then, and (finances permitting) you could always have a private scan or two to be together? What I'm trying to say is there are lots of ways to experience the pregnancy together outside of the few hospital appointments if that's your main concern but am absolutely understanding of your experiences and worries about it all xx[/quote]
Certainly lots of options and I can see why people are still going ahead. Like I said before if it's the same next year, for us I think we will start trying because I don't want to keep delaying (1st baby). But having my husband at the main scans is going to be so important for me - and for him. Niether of us are hugely maternal/paternal people in general (don't coo over babies and it's been a long decision to get to this point!) So is both being involved at every step. I think is going to be really important for bonding with baby. Just our personal journey! It's so tough having to make these decisions on top of the original decision to have a baby!
You're right, it is a primal urge we women get. In my head I worry so much about having a child, but a bout two years ago I was getting to the point I could barely see a baby without crying, but my husband just wasn't in the right headspace for it all. So we got a dog instead lol! And for some reason my baby fever just disappeared! I think partly because she was such hard work at the start (rescue). But the baby fever had started to return and my husband and I were both feeling much more suited to having a child so finally made the decision to go ahead. So yeah, really tough to delay again Im with you on that!! Everyone just has to choose to do what they think is right. I'd promised myself this holiday as a last big affair before knuckling down to babies so I'm keen to keep to that next year too.

@Greyhoundgirly thank you, that does reassure me somewhat! So the 12 week and 20 week scans are currently just mums present as far as you're aware? Isn't the 20 wk scan the one where you find out baby's sex? (It was 14 years ago for me since last time so can't fully remember!) I'd be gutted to not have DP at the scan when we find out sex. Although I do get what you're saying about other ways of experiencing it together. It just feels like a very scary time to TTC! We got on top of everything else - adjusted to the idea emotionally, planned everything financially... came up with a plan for starting TTC and then a bloody pandemic hit! I'd wait until next year if I was in my early 30s but at 35, I just don't think it's wise to wait much longer... 😕 x

The other reason I feel keen to go ahead despite all this is that DD is 14 this year. This means if we manage to conceive on our planned timescales (ie by end of this year at the latest), she'll be approaching 15 when her baby brother or sister arrived. I want her to still be living at home and young enough to enjoy playing with and bonding with her baby brother or sister. If I left it much longer not only will I be approaching 40 (😳) but my DD will be approaching adulthood (😳😳). I wanted them to bond as children..not for her to have left home to live her own life before that happened. If that makes sense? Argh! I hate overthinking ..... 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣

I'm due to have my baby on Friday. I was a nervous wreck for months with all this Covid stuff. Imagined by the time we got here, all the hospitals would be in meltdown and I'd be giving birth in a field somewhere. I thought we were doomed. At the outset, my town was a hotspot. There were outbreaks literally up and down the road.

My local hospital hasn't had any Covid related deaths for more than a month. I'm able to revert to our original plan where my parents can look after our toddler and my partner can be there with me for my c section. Oh and I have big babies - last was 10lb 5 and this one is on the same track, so the idea of a "natural" birth is rather scary.

If I had my time over, though the circumstances haven't been ideal, I am glad I got pregnant when I did. I'm 42 now so by my reckoning, this is pretty much my last chance.

None of us know what the future holds. When I got pregnant in September, I didn't know anything about Covid 19. And if you told me 2 months ago everything would all be ok, I would have told you you were nuts.

I competent understand if you want to postpone because this doesn't feel like the right time for you, whether that's because you're not financially ready or because you don't feel there psychologically. But I wouldn't go holding off for this "perfect" time, because the likelihood is, there never will be, and even if there is, things can change very quickly.

Sorry to raise this again, but given your age, fertility seems an important factor. Many of us experience fertility issues and some of us happily go on to have DC, but others cannot. If having DC2 is important to you as a couple wouldn’t delay ttc too long, even given covid risks.

@Lurchermom I understand you wanting to have partner present for scans. It's such an important life event. We too got a dog before we had a baby, I think we were trying to ease the baby fever too! I think if you can handle a rescue dog (ours was a greyhound as the name suggests!) it prepares you well for a baby!

@LouJ85 again, can only speak to friends experiences at the hospital near us, however it does seem to be the case that the in-hospital appointments are mum only (at time of writing). Yes, the 20 week scan would usually be the gender scan. My friend didn't want her husband missing out so she had a private scan at 17 weeks, asked the sonographer to write down the sex so they could do a socially distanced gender reveal in the garden with family present. Again, maybe not in all trusts but the hospital by me won't go in for writing down the sex or anything so just bear in mind if you're looking to find out!! And yes I totally understand wanting a new baby to be with your DD, that would be lovely for all of you! I guess the long and short of all of this is that we don't really know how long guidelines will be in place and its weighing up delaying and hoping things will change imminently or just going ahead. What a minefield!!

@Ladybyrd hello, oh how lovely, you must be so excited for baby's arrival. It's really great to get your perspective on all this. You're right, you can plan things down to the letter but you never know what the future holds. Nobody saw any of this coming! I've been told I will need a Cs because of a birth injury I sustained with dc1. Am glad to hear partners can be present for that! All the best to you x

@Dozer I know, am feeling older by the day in lockdown!! It's such an important factor, you're right, we conceived very quickly with first child but who knows how long the next journey could take. If only there was a magic button to press when you felt 'ready'!

X

@Greyhoundgirly Both times we were ttc, we very nearly got a dog. Ended up with 2 cats instead. What is that all about?!!

@Ladybyrd haha! That's brill, I'd get a cat myself but not sure my dog would be too thrilled!

[quote Ladybyrd]@Greyhoundgirly Both times we were ttc, we very nearly got a dog. Ended up with 2 cats instead. What is that all about?!![/quote]
Nesting instinct haha! I feel like I've adopted a foreign language toddler so it's been a learning experience.

Hi all! Just found this post gosh I wish I found this one sooner!

Sorry to jump on this so late but myself and my DH have decided to postpone until next hear so we can see how this 2nd wave pans out. I am gutted, absolutely gutted!

I was wondering how you're all doing? Have any of you changed your minds on waiting? Any BFPs to celebrate!?

@MontyFALD

We changed our minds ... I'm now 18 weeks pregnant with our little girl! Couldn't be happier!

It's also not been too bad navigating the NHS scans alone as we've had 2 private scans (one at 12 weeks and the other last weekend to find out gender), so I don't really feel that DP has missed out on much so far! I'm due in April and hoping there's some change to the restrictions by then, but either way partners are being allowed to be present from active labour onwards, so should all be fine. I'll let you know in 5/6 months.