Did they lie to us?

[SunKissed89]

Hi there. First time starting a new thread on MN. Bit if background...DH and I have been TTC for a couple of months. I came off the pill (Brevinor) in Jan/Feb after being on it since my mid-teens. I originally took it for painful periods (I was sent home from school a couple of times because they were so sore!). I'll be 31 later this week.
Anyway, I digress! Growing up, I remember being taught that it only takes one time to get pregnant if you don't use contraception. It can happen so quickly blah blah blah.
DH and I have been trying for 2 months and nothing yet! I know it's early days but I got really upset at the weekend when I began spotting and then I got my full blown period this morning.
Did they lie to us all those years ago? I get it was to protect us from unwanted teenage pregnancies but what about when we're older and actually want to start a family? Where's our protection from the mental exhaustion that we go through at thus stage of our lives?
I know it's still early days in our TTC journey, but argh!

My Mum thinks we know too much now. Once upon a time, you stopped contraception and waited and expected it to take a few months. And it did. Now, normally fertile couples with no reason to suspect issues are immediately tracking, temping, checking their heart rate and mucous and temperature, frantically googling, testing for ovulation, testing for pregnancy 6 days before their period, taking supplements etc and then understandably devastated when it doesn't work.

I disagree that we know too much as knowledge is always power but with all the science available, cheap testing and the Internet, people who are 2 months into ttc (normal, expected) are in floods of tears, devastated and finding their mental health suffering. There needs to be a happy medium. Empowering people with facts as well as choices.

It's normal for it to take a year. Your chances are never more than 25% if you time it perfectly and are 100% fit and fertile.

Having a baby with somebody you love should be a time of joy with lots of carefree sex. Somehow, we are turning it into a pass/fail science experiment.

Hi OP :) I wrote a quite long reply about biology class and how we absolutely were not taught how to get pregnant as the emphasis was on NOT getting pregnant but then I remembered I'm 30 and life is too short to be upset by people I'll never meet in real life.
You're not alone in your feeling of being lied to. TV, films, books, adverts - all make it seem easy and almost always accidental and a 'surprise' with no effort, obsession or upset. So yes. We are lied to every single day. Not by everything, but by a lot.
TTC is a learning journey and nobody started out knowing it all 😊 try to stay realistic every month as it does help to remember the "facts" and it's okay to have a vent about it not being easy. Good luck! 🤞🤞

Thank you to everyone who's replied to my post. I've been on various forums in the past (one being a phantom of the opera fan page when I was in high school) and this one had had the most replies.
As my DH put it, I'm going to take each day as it comes and let it happen when it happens.
I do feel there is so much info out there and we know that it's no longer a simple case of man + woman + sex = baby. It makes me wonder if ignorance is bliss...
Going to try ovulation strips this month methinks...off to eBay!

OP, honestly don't buy the strips or get the apps. Take the pressure off. Record the date of your period but nothing more. Have regular sex when you fancy it.

If you aren't pregnant in six months consider using tests and apps to help.

It is really easy to make things very stressful and upsetting.

OP I hope you are ok? Yes it might only be month 2 of trying but it still sucks! It’s very easy to get caught up in TTC, all the things you should/shouldn’t be doing, what foods should I eat, what supplements should I take, ovulation sticks, taking your bbt and checking cm! The TWW for me and I imagine many others is the most stressful. Take a deep breathe and try not to get overly stressed (way easier said then done I know), if it helps use an app and ovulation sticks to get a better understanding of your cycle, the clear blue sticks started to stress me out this month so I gave up and I’m not going to use them this month. Find what works best for you, good luck!

The problem is the biological ideal age to start a family and the social age are so different now.

Of course it's possible to get pregnant from one intercourse. It's happened to me twice on two different cycles. However with 2 of my children I took over 12 months to conceive both of them. So two of my 4 children happened quickly, the other 2 who were in the middle were really tried for. 2 months is no time at all to be worrying.

Baboon baby ??????

Speaking from someone who got pregnant by accident first tine and then struggled second time there doesn't seem to be a science behind it. It just happens when it happens and it can be a long process. They say most couples will be pregnant within 12 months of trying so please don't panic on your second cycle, it will happen at some point it's just a long process unfortunately

@KeepSmiling89 we're a similar age, so yes I also remember being taught more about how to not get pregnant. It's a very strange switch to go from years of contraception to actively trying to conceive.

I'm 7 cycles and 2 chemical pregnancies in. I would say that if you know when your period is then you don't need to use OPKs, as the NHS advice is to DTD every other day from the end of your period until you're nearly at the start of your next period. That way you can't miss it

Thanks again everyone for your kind words of support. I'm using this time to get to know my body now it's pill free.
As I said earlier, I'm a very emotional person but I am fine. I work in a health centre and my office is next door to the midwives...hearing ultrasounds and discussions with other women who are pregnant just make me yearn and think "I want it to be my appointment some day soon."
It'll happen when it happens though 🙂

@SunKissed89 I get it. I thought he this was the biggest lie ever too! 3 years of ttc and not a sniff of a BFP. After investigations it turns out we had Male factor infertility and needed ivf. I’m so lucky to say that first round is currently snoring next to me at 8 weeks old. However those years of ttc were absolutely brutal. Some stats that helped get me through were as follows:
80% of fertile couples will conceive within a year
90% of fertile couples with conceive within to years
Each month you have a 25% chance of getting pregnant.
1 in 6 males have a fertility issue
1 in 8 couples have ivf or fertility treatment
You are more likely to conceive if you have sex two days before ovulation the day of ovulation and 2 days after.
The average luteal phase needs to be roughly 11 days or more to help support a potential pregnancy.

Personally I found the clear blue and cheapie ovulation sticks gave similar results. I used both a few months to test the theory.

Steel yourself for people telling you to just relax....easier said than done. Good luck