Nightmares about MC/MMC is worrying me sick!

[Rainbowm]

Just what the title says really . I’m currently 9 weeks pregnant and are having reoccurring nightmares about being told at my 12 week scan the baby has died 😢. I currently have a beautiful toddler which I know I’m very lucky to have but cannot help the current anxiety and sadness im feeling. I had quite a lot of light brown discharge at 7 weeks pregnant which lasted half a day with stomach cramps that lasted the whole day (The cramps were very mild) and although my pregnancy symptoms were not that strong to begin with they seem to have now totally disappeared (including the increased clear discharge I was getting) which is also a concern. Before my little rainbow baby I suffered a MMC so this heightens my anxiety even more. My local hospital doesn’t accept walk ins until you are 20 weeks pregnant & as I have had no actual fresh red bleeding or pain that’s unbearable I don’t know if I should be trying to get a referral from the doctors. Just to add I did have a scan at 6+6 as id messed up on my pill so they had to date the pregnancy! Am I going insane or would anybody else have any concerns with what I’ve explained, I just need to reassurance really!

Hi didn’t want to read and run. I had 2 mmc so totally understand the heightened fear (terror) . I’m sure everything is fine And pregnancy symptoms do tend to disappear from 9 weeks onwards ( just googled that like a crazy woman for my bf who had the same worry and she’s now 14 weeks with healthy bubba. )
What I think you should do is go and get a private scan (should be some still running now ) and get some peace of mind , I’ve always had them every couple of weeks , they cost about 50/60 quid but worth it to know what’s happening . I know you’ll probably worry again a week later but it will just calm the anxiety enough to help you get to your 12 week scan. You’re nearly there !

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me & im sorry for your 2 previous losses. The grief I felt after 1 was horrendous so I can’t imagine 2 :-(. Yes I have been considering a private scan as I had one at 9 weeks with my last pregnancy but then a whole new anxiety set in about if I received bad news and having to walk out into a reception of people in tears, im just balancing up whether I would rather receive the bad news in a hospital setting. I think my mind is just going over a million scenarios at the moment and trying not to show any of this in front of my toddler.

Yes 2 was awful but I didn’t get hopes up with no2 as was no heartbeat at first scan , although one started a week later I knew there was something wrong with development.
I had the scans for second one all private , tbh it’s as hard to hear the news in a hospital ( first time) or in private place (second time) only difference was if it is bad news you have to have another scan at the hospital to confirm.
Can’t your EPU scan you if you say how worried you are and can’t sleep etc ? If you can’t go there you have to weigh up is it worse to wait til 12 weeks and be panic stricken or just go and find out now privately . If I (please God) fall pregnant again I will be having regular private scans and want to know as early as possible what’s happening rather than wait until 12 week hospital scan . I didn’t do that the first time and wished I had.
It’s really up to you though . I’m sure it will be absolutely fine , second mmc are really rare and mine was likely my age and chromosome problems (39 at the time) xxx Keep me updated x

No they won’t unless I turned up at A&E, which I wouldn’t want to do in the current climate with the risk of Covid and putting extra pressure on the NHS! I’m definitely going to consider a private scan like you said it’s better to know sooner rather than later. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you falling pregnant again you sound like such a lovely lady you deserve it. I will keep you posted on my outcome xxx

@Rainbowm I know exactly how you are feeling. I've had a bfp a few days ago, it's my forth pg, the other 3 ended in mc unfortunately. I'm feeling all mixed emotions and definitely keep having nightmares and horrible thoughts about losing this one too. I don't want to feel like that as I keep telling myself positive thoughts attract positive energy. My last mc was a year ago and I was so upset throughout it, kept thinking negative and crying all the time that sometimes I believe I kept believing it would end badly and it did. Just makes my anxiety so much more worse.
I keep going to loo to wipe to see if there's any blood. I'm trying to keep busy by cooking, talking to friends on the phone or watching movies. I haven't told anyone, we decided we didn't want to.
I would book a reassurance scan if I was you it will put your kind at rest.
Mine is booked for a couple of weeks time and I'm just going to try my best to get through the next couple of weeks happily.
Sending you baby dust and positivity xxx

@Rainbowm if it's any reassurance the chances of mc once you've reached 9 weeks falls drastically. As for pg symptoms they can come and go. I have none at all but I am on steroids prescribed my my fertility consultant. Xx

Sorry to all of you worrying. I well remember the feeling of dreading every toilet visit and obsessively checking how sick or not you’re feeling.

In case it helps (as I used to google nonstop for positive stories) I had brown/pink/red bleeding on and off 7 weeks - 20 weeks with my pregnancy (now a healthy hardy toddler!). I also hardly suffered physically at all while pregnant, so no sickness or anything - feel very lucky about that now but at the time felt sure it was a bad sign. Everything was fine but I remember the mental anguish well. Sending lots of love!

Hi @HoldingOn2Hope :-) Thank you so so much for your kind words. I’m so sorry to hear of your previous losses, I don’t think anybody can truly understand the loss until they’ve been through it their self can they. Congratulations on your BFP, I’ve got everything crossed for you that you will get your rainbow baby . My second pregnancy I spent the whole time worrying and paranoid I would lose my precious baby but luckily I now have a beautiful little girl who I am so so grateful for so I know every pregnancy is different and I wish I could have just enjoyed that one. In the nicest possible way it’s refreshing to hear that I’m not the only one that’s overly anxious and there is probably loads of us out there. I could have wrote the bit about going to the loo myself that’s another one of my horrible OCD’s as with my previous MMC I felt a little damp down there however by the time I had got to the loo the amount of blood was horrendous! . I keep replaying the moment in my head when the sonographer told me my baby had died, I’ve honestly never felt so empty in my entire life, Unfortunately it happened to me on New Year’s Eve and returning home late that night to see people partying and having fun, I was just so angry with the world. That loss was followed by bad depression and constant panic attacks, i don’t think I have ever truly got over that, which is probably why I have got myself in such a state now. I am definitely going to have a look at a private scan to try and calm me down a little. I am also in the same boat as you we haven’t told anyone until I am at least past 12 week stage, I just couldn’t face telling everyone the bad news if I was to receive it again. Please let me know how you get on with your reassurance scan it’s so good to speak to other people in similar situations xx

@Rainbowm thank you for your kind words too. My 2nd loss was over new year too and I started bleeding over Xmas and just didn't want to be around ppl. I hated anyone coming over as I just wanted to be home alone so I could go to the toilet as many times in an hour as possible. It's awful isn't it.
Let's try and keep each other positive. One thing the nurse at my fertility clinic told me on Weds when I went for some blood tests was nothing can change the outcome of a pregnancy. Symptoms are the same for AF, mc, and pregnancy so she told me not to focus on them and take a week at a time. I do feel more positive about this one maybe because I'm on meds but sometimes those horrible thoughts just creep back upon me.
I'm only 4 weeks. how many weeks are you now? 9?

Hi @yellowbelliedcreature it’s great to hear you had a positive outcome after experiencing bleeding in your pregnancy.

Im just really hoping that it’s my anxiety that’s causing me to have these terrible nightmares and horrible fears that something has gone wrong with this pregnancy but battling with your own mind is so tiring especially whilst putting on a brave face for my toddler as I know how lucky I am to have my little rainbow baby and I will never take her for granted.

I guess what’s worrying me if the total loss of symptoms, even the excess white/clear discharge I was getting has completely stopped now which rings alarm bells with me , are my pregnancy hormone levels dropping hence why the discharge has stopped? I just don’t know!

Getting it off my chest and hearing from all you lovely ladies today has actually made me feel a lot better so thank you so much to everyone for your kind words xx

@HoldingOn2Hope it’s just terrible isn’t it I know it’s never a good time to have a MC but Christmas time is when we should all be happy but I just ended up hating everyone including every pregnant woman or a new mum with a baby which makes me sound like a awful person but I guess the grief just over took me .

Yes you’re nurse is right and the symptoms are all similar it’s just a horrible trick our bodies play on us, I guess it’s just a waiting game now.

Yes I should be 9 weeks today fingers crossed that my bambino has hung on in there however I would say the loss of symptoms started just before 8 weeks maybe a few days after I had the loss of discharge and stomach cramps. I think that’s what worried me because with my MMC i started bleeding at 11 weeks but the sonographer said the baby had actually died at 8/9 weeks which would be at the same sort of stage I am now.

I know this sounds stupid but with my rainbow baby when I went for an early reassurance scan I remember the lady in the room saying to me all pregnancy’s are different she had a MC then healthy baby then MC then second baby and I keep hearing those words in my head and thinking that is what will happen to me as my last pregnancy was successful.

Keeping fingers crossed that we both get a positive outcome xx

@Rainbowm keeping fingers crossed for us both. Stay positive and positive things will happen. Will keep you updated.
Baby dust and positivity xxx

Hey sorry I never commented back , I couldn’t find the thread again . All your fears are like mine . After second mc , I had awful insomnia and had to take time off work I’m still not recovered months later and lose a nights sleep a week ( I think because I’m ttc again and it scares me ) , my last mc was over Xmas too and was staying with my in-laws so was pretty awful.
There’s really nothing other than scams I think to help because you need to see reality to feel better. Again, I wouldn’t worry about loss of symptoms. It happens about this time any way. I had strong symptoms both pregnancies even when I knew I mc so I don’t think it’s a signal either way . Hope you get the scan soon and can take a big sigh of relief xx ❤️

Scans not scans x

Hey how are you doing hun ? X

@Sunshinelove8 thank you for checking in on me ☺️ I wouldn’t be able to get a private scan till at least a week and half however my NHS scan is booked for 3 weeks today so I’ve decided to just wait for that one. I’m very apprehensive but trying my best to stay positive. I will update you all once I’ve had my scan Xx

Sorry, its a bit hard to follow. Did you see a heartbeat on the initial 6 week scan OP? Did the EPU recommend a repeat pregnancy test a few weeks after the bleeding? I had my 3rd loss 2 weeks ago. I called 2 EPU's when the bleeding started and they wouldn't scan me, as not deemed an emergency. I then MC whilst at home! I realise a scan wouldn't have changed the outcome though.

Have you had an counselling/CBT for your health anxiety? Have you mentioned it to your GP to get some help and put things in perspective? Hopefully things will be fine, but there is info on the miscarriage association website, leaflets and info for subsequent pregnancies after a loss. Also a phone contact if you need to speak to someone.

I too was going to suggest a private scan, but sounds like you are waiting for the 12 week one now. Best of luck x

I’m glad you’ve made a decision . Everything crossed for some brilliant news soon ❤️ X

@Elouera so sorry for the late reply, I somehow missed your response. Yes I seen a heartbeat when they scanned me at 6+6 however the brown discharge occurred about 5/6 days after the scan.

I didn’t attend hospital as there was no fresh bleeding or intense pain, my hospital will only see you after 20 weeks otherwise it would have had to mean me sitting in A&E which I didn’t feel I could justify at the time with the current climate and the current strain on the NHS.

Yes I was on medication before for my anxiety however have not been on that for a while now.

since last mentioning about my symptoms I have still not had any return which I’m still very paranoid about.

I’m just hoping these next couple of weeks go fast so I can know either way.

Thank you for your advice x

Just an update.....

So tomorrow’s the day of my 12 week scan and I am so so scared I just haven’t been able to think straight all day!

Luckily I’ve had no more bleeding/discharge but I am just so so scared they will give me another ‘I’m sorry your baby died at so many weeks’ message 😟

Luckily my toddler has been keeping my mind off things the past few weeks but now I’m less than 24 hours aways from finding out if I have a healthy little bambino in there it’s getting really scary ahhhhhh !

Thank you for all your support so far ladies!

@Rainbowm sending you lots of positivity for your scan tomorrow. I pray it all goes well for you 🙏🏽

All best wishes and positive vibes for you xxxx

How did it go @Rainbowm ?

@HoldingOn2Hope @Ranoutofgoodnames @adventurer2020

Thank you all, I’m over the moon to tell you that all seems well, I just can’t believe it, it’s took until today to kick in. I’ve still got to wait for my blood results for the combined Down's syndrome, Edwards syndrome and Patau's but the fluid behind the baby’s head looked healthy and they measured me ahead which puts me at 13+2 today.

I got myself so worked up yesterday in the hospital waiting, I’ve now promised myself to try and enjoy this pregnancy as much as I can and not let my anxiety control me 🤞🏼.

Thank you all so so much for your support xxx

@Rainbowm Awww over the moon for you! Wishing you a healthy, happy and anxiety-free pregnancy!