Hello!
DH and I have been ttc for 3 months now. He has suffered from anxiety for a long time and takes medication to control it but this has the side effect of lowering his libido and makes it really difficult for him to finish (with me and on his own and he doesn’t masturbate much due to reduced libido).
We’ve talked about ttc for about a year but decided to properly try after he managed to come twice in a week out of the blue - we thought we might have made a breakthrough (Sadly it was after ovulation). However we’ve had no success since.
I’ve tried to hide it from DH but every time a FW passes without a successful attempt really upsets me. I know 3 months isn’t long but the thought that this could take a really long time is getting me down.
I’ve tried bringing up the subject of him getting himself to the point of no return and then finishing inside me and also told him about self Insemination but he’s shot these conversations down pretty quickly saying he wants to try and make it work by DTD before we try anything else.
He’s super keen to have kids and is always asking when the best days are to try and gear himself up, but nothing. I know it’s upsetting him which makes the situation worse and he says he feels he’s letting me down. I’m being as calm and reassuring as possible, pretending I’m totally relaxed about it and making sure we’re DTD outside of crunch time so it’s not just about that. I’ve asked what was different on those two occasions we had success and he just said he wasn’t sure, he just felt relaxed but couldn’t say why.
So as I enter my FW again my questions are:
- Is there anything anyone has done to help keep a partner calm in this situation so they’re able to come when needed?
- If you have done self insemination how did you convince your partner to try? Were they just happy to do so? Is there a way to make it a bit more special and not so clinical?
Thanks and sorry for the long post