Confused. Dont know what to do???.

[Donthaveaclue1]

Hey so abit of background.

I have two children from my previous relationship and I've been with my current partner for three years. He wants a child of his own hes really good with my children and he would make an amazing dad but I just dont know if I want another.

I am broody and I think about it alot I just dont know if I want to go through it all again my children are 6 and 4 and although they were both easy babies I just dont know if I want to do it all again plus affordability. We both work but I'm on a casual contract so no maternity pay we are saving for a house deposit and currently living with his mum which isn't ideal. I'm sorry for the long post and I dont really know what I'm looking for just needed to wright it down. X

Bump

Did you both have a conversation in the early part of ur relationship regarding him wanting a child of his own? And did you both continue on the same page as each other?

It’s really down to what you want to do for yourself. You can’t force a baby for someone else but also if you both want different things you may have to be open to parting ways, I can understand him wanting a child of his own and I can understand you not wanting to go through it again. It’s a tough situation. I think you need to have a a good long think about what you want and then sit and properly chat with him on how you feel.

As far as it not being the perfect time I truely believe there is no perfect time. Life will always throw hurdles money wise /situation wise so I wouldn’t wait around on the perfect time as it may never come.

My partner has 4 kids to a previous partner. He said he was done and then he met me and within the first few months we had the chat and I told him I would Like my own one day and if it’s not something he sees in his future with then we could part ways amicably and open room for us each meeting someone else without wasting each others time. 4 years later and we are ttc our first together and he’s very excited ... probably more than me lol

Good luck. X

Thank you for your reply.
We did have a conversation about it when we first got together and he seemed okay with me not wanting anymore and we've had a few conversations since but he just assumes I will change my mind although he has said it's a sacrifice hes willing to make to be with me.

I'm just very confused because I dont even know what I want myself I also have back and hip problems my hip needs replacing but they wont do it until I'm 40 I just dont think it would be sensible health wise either. X

If you both talked about this at the beginning and he was aware that you didn’t want any more and was happy to continue with that knowledge then I think it’s unfair of him to think you will change your mind. You can’t comprise on this. I think it’s best you sit him down and tell him again straight how your feel you and try and push the fact that you won’t change your mind x

I think you really need to think hard and figure out what you want first and foremost.

If you know for sure you don't want another then yes, you should sit him down and tell him one last time. If he chooses to delude himself after that, it's on him. But he doesn't get to wield this as an emotional weapon either ("i gave up having kids to be with you !") this is his decision and he must make peace with it.

If you decide you'd like another one, then you need to set a timeframe ("we can try in X months").

Whatever you do be honest with him.

Thank you for the replies.

I think your all right I really do need to sit him down and tell him straight I just feel guilty I dont no why. X