Erectile dysfunction and ttc with husband

[Lori23]

Hey.

I'm 31 and my hubby is 34. We have been trying to conceive for almost a year now as we got married last year (we were holding off till the wedding).
He's always had a low sex drive but since ttc I think the pressure has got to him and now we are maybe able to do it once or twice a month. I am tracking my cycle so I can try and time it with when we can but when I get a positive opk he just can't do it. I don't tell him when the time is but it feels like now whenever I try it on he just cant sustain an erection. He's spoken to the doctor but that hasn't helped. The last few months we have used a pot and syringe (turkey baste method) which I really don't like doing but I don't know how else to get the sperm in there (he can enjaculate through mastibation)
I'm at a real loss here and I feel like it's making me question our relationship as I want that kind of intimacy whether we are ttc or not. Any advise I feel like I can't tell anyone about this so I'm suffering in silence xx

Does he have a problem with porn? Has he had his hormone levels tested?

Try viagra to take the pressure off a bit. Or try sensate (google it) for longer term

Is he masturbating frequently?

Is there a physical erectile dysfunction or a psychological dysfunction? I wonder If the infrequency of sex has become a barrier, that he feels now it does happen as a function to conceive, not as shared intimacy.

The fact he can masturbate to completion more or less on command though make sure me think it's a psychological issue.

@seriouslyretro

Hey thanks for the reply.
He used to masturbate more but says he doesn't anymore.. its definitely psychological it's all in his head, he's always had low sex drive but now it is completely in his head and I don't know how we will get around it.

Hey @Aquamarine1029 he says he doesn't look at porn or masturbate anymore as he wants to save it for us but then he can't do it when we do. I've said I will look at porn with him to get him in the mood but he doesn't want to do that..

If you're "questioning the relationship" you should immediately sop TTC for now.

@Ridingthegravytrainwe tried viagra and it dud nothing to him after he took it just couldn't get hard. I think it's all in his head it's a mental thing. I'll have a look at Senate thanks!

I'm sorry to be negative, but there is no way I would bring a baby into this marriage as it currently stands. The lack of intimacy is absolutely soul crushing, and unless he takes steps to fix this problem, it's only going to get worse. Throwing a baby into the mix is a recipe for disaster. The resentment that will build up will become unmanageable, and no marriage can overcome that.

Yes I was thinking the same. Its not going to happen if we feel like this. Thanks

@Aquamarine1029 yes I agree we need to sort the problem out first with the intimacy. Everything else in out relationship is great but this is creating a massive wedge between us.

It becomes a vicious cycle, the problem is in his head but he has no desire to accept that it's a problem that could be overcome, so he hides deeper in denial/avoidance.

Has he been to the doctors to discuss his hormone levels?

@seriouslyretro he went and had bloods taken and came back that his testosterone levels were fine, only thing he was lacking was folic acid which he takes tables for.

I would stop actively TTC for a while. Focus on getting the intimacy back and decide that, if it happens, it happens. I know that that’s difficult. The desire to conceive can be all-consuming but it’s not going to happen as it stands now.

He is probably feeling under a lot of pressure to ‘perform’. It’s the man’s only real role in the conception process.

Yes I think this is the best thing to do too.

Thank you everyone for your advise x