Torn between weight loss and TTC

[Doughnut100]

Sorry this is quite a long rant about me me me so feel free to ignore.

I'm 36 and have been TTC for 18 months with 2 miscarriages @ 12 weeks and 1 ectopic discovered at 6 weeks. I'm not overweight but I'm only 5ft tall and I was size 8 when we started TTC, now I'm a size 10-12. I used to look slim now I look chubby and my clothes don't fit. My BMI was in the middle of the safe range now it's at the very upper limit, if I keep going like this I'll be overweight soon. With both my miscarriages at 12w I had constant sickness for 2 months that had me eating carbs every 2 hours.

My losses have been difficult. I definitely use food as a treat because I'm sad. But being chubby also makes me sad, much as I wish it didn't and feel like a bad feminist! Apologies to any ladies who are overweight and think I'm in no position to moan. But isn't this slow creep exactly how people gain weight in the first place that they then can't shift?

In the past if I eat healthily and exercise without getting obsessive and extreme, nothing happens to my weight, it stays rock solid the same. A few biscuits here and there and it goes up. I'm able to lose weight if I go HARD, 1000 calories or less a day and quite extreme exercise. Then I can keep most of it off easily by being moderate.

The problem is that I think being in an energy deficit negatively affects fertility so my two projects are in opposition to each other. I have read all the guidance but I'm not clear about this. The only time I ovulated late last year was when I was under 1200 calories a day. But I am confused because ladies who start TTC overweight and lose weight to conceive must be in an energy deficit, and it helps in that case?

I desperately want to both lose weight and conceive and I don't understand if I can do them both at the same time. I can't be laid back about either of them. If I'm laid back about losing weight, nothing happens. I can't be laid back about conceiving because I want to be a mother so bad. Part of me wants to take a couple of months off TTC to lose the weight I've gained, but I don't think I can let go of TTC plus I'm worried it would adversely affect my fertility when I go back to TTC. I'm 36 with multiple losses and hypothyroidism, I know all is not lost for me but I certainly feel like I don't have time to waste. Right now if I get pregnant I expect to have another loss so I feel like I need to get it over with asap so I'm one step closer to having a baby.

Have any women reading been in the same situation, or know about the science? Has anyone been in a calorie/energy defecit and conceived? Has anyone experimented with losing weight and noticed how it affected your ovulation/womb lining etc? I'd really love to connect with women who feel similarly as this problem eats me up but I don't have anyone that understands.

Lots of love to all the want-to-be mamas out there x

I feel like I could have written this myself! I was always skinny, size 6/8 with a healthy but low BMI. Now I'm a size 10/12 and am on the tipping point of being overweight. Also TTC.

I spoke to my friend who's a GP and she said crash dieting could affect conception, but it's good to lose weight. She said it's best to lose it slowly over say 6 months to a year, don't try and eat below over 1200 calories in an attempt to lose it quickly. It's not healthy or sustainable and the weight will end up creeping back on. So that's what I've decided to do. It's hard but hopefully worth it in the long run x

Hi 😊 I absolutely recommend slimming world. I lost nearly a stone and a half in six months and it was sustainable as it was steady weight loss rather than a crash diet. I didn’t lose anymore as I switched to maintaining rather losing as that was all I needed to lose. You don’t need to focus on the calories you eat, rather you focus on limiting the sugar, fat and dairy you eat. It’s a high veg, high protein, high carb diet and it leaves you feeling full. You can eat a lot of pasta just saying... 😂 Also you can still have quite a bit of dairy a day when you actually measure it out. It was about what I was eating anyway. I didn’t find it restrictive at all.

Also I’m really sorry to hear about your losses and I really hope you get good news soon ❤️

could have written the post myself.
Dont have your much tougher journey but since starting ttc and having had a mc my weight has gone from great to very near overweight.
I had the same thoughts of 'can't diet for conceiving and can't keep going on like this otherwise will continue putting on kgs'.
So i am now on a healthier diet and stop the comfort eating when i can. Even when it's hard. I also try to not go in the kitchen or eat because my dp wants to eat. I let him eat by himself lol
I also exercise everyday if possible.
I am not gaining weight anymore but not really losing either. As like you one day of cake or biscuits and it all comes back... especially since lockdown
But at least i am staying on my borderline overweight bmi.

I know the struggle because like you seeing myself get chubby plays on my mood a lot but having ttc issues does too.

X

@lucieee and @SunnySideUp2020 hello!
It's so reassuring to hear you both say you could have written this. Although I'm sorry you're in the same position.

@lucieee great that you have a GP friend, she must be useful! It's good advice but annoyingly hard. I never thought of what I did as crash dieting, just that I needed to be extreme to lose weight, but I suppose it is. Have you lost any weight? How is your TTC journey going?

@SunnySideUp2020 You really are in exactly the same position. It's so shitty having to constantly try so hard and resist the biscuits just to maintain and not even lose weight - I am exactly the same. Seems like such a hard price for a tiny reward. That's why I want to go hard so I can at least see some results for the pain. I guess I am going to have to make peace with the fact that the best I can hope for at least for now is not to gain any more. Sorry about your mc. How is TTC going?

@Leodot thank you for the slimming world recommendation, it's always so encouraging to hear of women who have found something that really works for them. Well done you! And thank you for your condolences.

🙋🏼‍♀️ This is me to a T!!

I’m so sorry for your losses, I feel your pain I really do.

I’m 37 and 5,1 and before starting the ttc journey I was a lovely slim size 6-8.
Now I’m a comfortable size 12 and none of my clothes fit me anymore. I hate it. I’m not at all happy with the way I am but totally feel stuck in a rut.

I suffered a mc at 9 weeks in January this year and then a chemical in March.

I know that my weight is likely having a negative impact on ttc, but like you the only way I’ve ever managed to shift weight, and maintain it was through a calorie deficit diet. I used to do the 5:2, where on 2 days I’d eat no more than 500 calories, and the rest I’d stick to no more than 1200. But I feel that wouldn’t be sensible whilst ttc. I rarely eat unhealthy snacks or treats but unless I go hard at the dieting nothing shifts.

Hey @Moominmiss !

I honestly think being a shortie like us really makes the difference. I don't think petite people have smaller appetites - I certainly don't! But because we have less height to spread it over we need to eat so much fewer calories in order to lose weight to the point where it's detrimental to TTC.

And it really sucks when you are used to being slim and none of your clothes fit. I bought some horrible cheap fat trousers from new look the other day. I refuse to spend proper money on fat clothes 😡

Sorry for your losses, I hope you are ok. Where are you at now with TTC?

@Doughnut100 I agree! I definitely feel in this situation my height goes against me. And like you, I definitely don’t have a smaller appetite! I easily eat as much as my partner who is nearly 6ft 🤦🏼‍♀️

I also refuse to spend money on clothes to fit me as I am now. So I find myself living in leggings and anything else with a stretchy waistband 😂

As for the ttc thing, I came off the pill at the end of August 2019, and started ttc in September 2019. I got my bfp in November 2019 but miscarried in January 2020, then the chemical in March 2020. My af started today making this cd1 and our 9th month ttc.

I have 3 children from a previous relationship but was younger and slimmer in all of those pregnancies and conceiving each time only took up to 3 cycles, so to be going into the 9th cycle just confirms that my age and weight is against me.

All I can do is keep trying though and try to stay positive!! 🤞🏻

@Moominmiss sorry AF got you today... onto the next cycle... glad you can stay positive

One thing I see so often is that cd1 is the time to have whatever it is you deny yourself while ttc - wine, chocolate etc. But no! In this club you must feel the disappointment and the biscuit deprivation too!

My partner is also 6ft and our portions are the same. 🤦‍♀️

Totally hear you both on the portion size! My partner is 6ft 6 and I’m 5ft 10 so I’m by no means small but he feeds me like I’m the same size as him. 😂 I dish my own food up now! I think that was partly also the danger zone for me. As I’m tall it was easier to hide how big I was getting. I didn’t believe I was that heavy until I saw it on the scales!! I’d just sort of got into the habit of buying bigger clothes and stretchy things.

@Moominmiss To talk about your point about the 5:2 possibly not being a good idea when ttc I’d agree. I think restricting calories that much is giving your body the impression that food stores are low so it wouldn’t be a good time to get pregnant. Slimming world is actually supported by the royal college of midwives. It was one of the reasons I chose it and because it’s not really a diet. It’s more about the nutritional value of food and learning how often and what to eat to stay full and make your body think that food is plentiful so it can afford to lose weight as you will keep topping it up with more food. If anything I eat more since being on it. I have PCOS and really struggle to lose weight and keep it off but it’s honestly amazing.

I lost weight as a distraction from TTC, I was always slim size 8 -a year after DD I was size 14 BMI in overweight range-all I did really was switch certain food -if I had white bread just had 1 slice so for lunch I had wraps instead of bread, Edam cheese is less calories than cheddar! Also brown pasta and rice instead if white and no snacks!
I also reduced my portion size as I was over eating I started weighing my food but soon got to know how much was too much, I still ate what I wanted just less!
I know the gym is out at the mo but I went once a week!
I lost 2 stone in 5 months and am now middle of normal I'm only 5ft 3"!
If you want to TTC it's good if you have another focus during TWW! I conceived after those 5 months (ended at 13 weeks tho due to chromosomal abnormalities)!
This time I conceived first time but I managed to keep the weight off (been 9 months) as I made changes I could stick to I'm now 19 weeks along! Xx

Hey @BooMamaBear congratulations on your pregnancy and your weight loss! Will you be finding out the sex of your baby next week? So exciting. 2 stone in 5 months is epic. You make it sound so easy🤦‍♀️... I am trying to follow a similar plan to you now. I have made my peace with the idea I can only lose weight very slowly. We can't go to the gym but I've been listening to podcasts walking up and down the stairs! I just started calorie counting because it helps me stay on track. As I'm 5ft it's 1400 a day to maintain my weight, whereas 1200 a day is apparently too little for TTC. I'm aiming for 1300 and exercise. The margins are so slim. I'm 7dpo now so good idea of trying to focus on this instead of the 2ww.

I signed up to My Fitness Pal too had a calorie goal of 1340 -I could eat more if exercised so made me want to burn calories!!
It's hard at first coz I felt hungry all the time and I found it easier at the beginning not to buy snacks so I couldn't snack in between meals but soon you don't need to eat as much and the smaller portions fill you up - just don't starve yourself or cut out major food groups!!
It seemed easier to lose weight at the beginning but it slows down as you lose it and you do have weeks where you don't lose any weight but don't lose motivation!
I'd focus on losing weight until my fertile week then I'd focus on getting pregnant using SMEP! X

Sorry yes I already know I'm having a girl and thanks xx

Congratulations how lovely for you, I would love a little girl! One day! 🤞

It's a great motivation for exercise isn't it. In the past I have but currently I wasn't counting the exercise into my net calories as I was hoping it would help me lose weight while I was still eating enough.

In order to lose 0.5lb a week MFP tells me 1200 a day, but I've heard this is too little for TTC. (1200 a day is also the minimum MFP will suggest, I think it's considered irresponsible to recommend people eat less than that.) What was your weight loss goal set as when it recommended 1340? Maybe I will try eating 1400 with 200 calories of exercise so I am 1200 net.

@Leodot you might be reading this thinking slimming world is much simpler! I still might give slimming world a try. It does sound good.

DS was 9 months when I conceived, I'm now 22 weeks pregnant. I'm usually thin, size 6-8 but put on about 3 and a half stone with first pregnancy, the first stone came off very quick after childbirth but like you I have to be a bit obsessive and really strict if I want to stick to a diet, I actually lost a bit more than I was to begin with, back to my wedding day weight and then found out I was pregnant. Tbh I'm very relaxed again now and eat what I want and will worry about it once the baby is born, so for me conceiving and calories didn't correlate

@doughnutmuffin - 😂 that both our names have doughnut in them. Says a lot. Congratulations for your pregnancy! Very interesting to hear that conceiving and calories didn't correlate for you.

@Doughnut100 Haha I know that sort of system wouldn’t work for me but it will work for others. I think you’ve got to find something that fits in with you.

I think the thing I liked about slimming world is that it gets you to understand the nutritional value of food and the importance of cooking from scratch.

500 calories worth of chocolate will not keep you as full/give you as much energy as 500 calories worth of vegetables or pasta for example. Not all calories are equal in that respect. Slimming world doesn’t count calories or give you daily targets for calories that you should be consuming. Slimming world does things on a points system where food is given points based on how much of it you should eat in a day. Nearly all fruit, veg, lean meat, pasta and rice is 0 points meaning you can eat unlimited amounts. Dairy, bread/oats and sugary/processed foods are given points so you know how much you can consume in a day and still lose weight.

You are allowed to consume up to 15 points in a day and you can choose what to ‘spend’ them on. I found that far easier than calorie counting, as when I felt hungry, I knew I could eat as much 0 points free food as I wanted. There was no need to ever feel hungry as if I was, I ate.

It’s got to be what works for you though. For me, it’s got to be something that’s not restricting. Some people get fanatical with Slimming World, like they do with anything, but I think that’s unnecessary. I knew that I could have 15 points a day which gave me 105 a week. So say my week is Monday to Sunday which means I get weighed every Monday. If I wanted to have a luxury meal out with friends on Friday night and eat 80 points worth of food that day I can, as long as I make sure that I don’t exceed my weekly total of points. It’s all about balancing and forward planning.

I tend to exercise 2-3 a week as well and it was nice knowing that I could go out for a run, have an apple or something afterwards before dinner, if I was hungry and not have to count calories on it. I could just eat whenever I wanted. 😊

I usually cook from scratch its easier to put into MFP -I think I must have started off heavier than you to have higher calorie amount -1200 isn't enough I don't think - you can customise your calorie goal - -you need to make sure your eating enough and have protein after exercise to repair your muscles if you do a lot and this helps you burn fat not muscle when you're resting!
Good luck xx

Are slimming world doing online classes? Xx

@BooMamaBear

We have a Facebook group and people are weighing themselves at home and reporting their results. People are still chatting and supporting each other. This is free for current members as this is something that you get access to when you become a member. I don’t k ow how it would work for new members. You could always search on Facebook and see if a local group comes up?

No point me joining atm anyway I'm almost 20 weeks pregnant -after my DD I weighed less than I did before I got pregnant but this time I've got a fairly big bump already so just thinking about after - if I'm still normal BMI then I'll probably just try and shift a few lbs on my own if I put loads on might join up tho! Xx

@BooMamaBear If you do fancy it there’s a lot of women with babies there, at least there is at my group. It’s accredited by the Royal College of Midwives which is why I chose it. 😊

Thanks I'll see if I need to lose weight after- I was an ideal weight after I lost 2 stone and before I got pregnant so we'll see what I'm like afterwards- so far i just have a baby bump round the front and don't seem to have any extra weight bar baby xx

@Doughnut100 hi OP 👋 Realise it's been 2 years so you might not see this but I wanted to ask how things worked out for you?? I'm in a v similar boat to you, 34 and have had two MCs and a chemical. I wasn't super happy with my weight anyway with my first pregnancy - I'm 5'3 and was 10 stone plus a few pounds. But after this hideous year I'm now 11stone and torn between the desire to lose weight and the desperation to conceive again... Any words of wisdom from your journey would be much appreciated ,🙏 really hope things have worked out for you baby wise as ofc that's the most important thing xx