Don't think it will ever happen - normal?

[Veenah]

Have been trying for 10 months, I'm 38 so time not exactly on our side.

I can't actually imagine getting a BFP; being pregnant; having a baby. I was 4 days late last month (VERY unusual for me) and even then I wasn't excited or feeling positive. I just don't feel like it will happen for us and was just resigned to the fact that tests would be negative.

I'm really not usually a negative person, which makes me bizarrely feel like this is my fate and I subconsciously know this (and normally I would roll my eyes at statements like that!)

I suppose what I'm looking for is reassurance that how I'm feeling is normal. I don't think I'm explaining myself very well, sorry!

I'm not sure if it's normal, but I've been feeling the same recently. It's been 8 months for us actively ttc so not quite as long as you. I also had a molar pregnancy two years ago which makes me think that it's just not meant to happen for us. I kind of broke down yesterday for the first time since trying and couldn't stop crying, I kept saying to dp it's not going to happen for us and that I could just feel it if that makes sense. I also feel so guilty about feeling this way though as I know that so many people have been trying for so much longer.
I feel like maybe not getting excited is your way of protecting yourself, because it's a horrible feeling to get your hopes up and get excited only to take a test and it be negative/for af to arrive xx

Me and my DH were trying for 15 months. It has been heart wrenching and at time you feel absolutely hopeless.
This month I thought we had completely fucked all the timings and everything up and I ended up writing this cycle off, we had only DTD once in my fertile window. I even started spotting early and I was pissed off that AF was making an appearance a few days before she was meant to.
I never thought I would actually get a positive test, after months and months of squinting and my mind and eyes playing tricks on me, it happened. I’m still pinching myself.
Best of luck, it will happen xx

Thanks, it helps to know that it isn't just me! It's been a tough couple of weeks with multiple pregnancy announcements from friends which probably hasn't helped but the feeling that it just will never happen for us has been there from very early on.

Maybe it is a self preservation thing. I have to try to accept that I don't know the future so there's no point thinking I know for definite it won't happen for us, even though it feels so certain it won't.

Sorry you're having a tough time teaandtoastt, best of luck to you. Congratulations Skyline, it's lovely to hear a positive story from someone who has previously felt like I do now. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy.

I'm glad there is a positive story on here, congratulations @SkylinesTurnstiles

OP, I hope your time will come soon. We have been trying for coming up to 6 years, in our 20's and tests have all come back fine. I feel the same, I don't do any pregnancy tests anymore as I just wait for AF. On the occasion in October that I was 6 days late, very rare always on time, I wasn't excited as I felt it wouldn't happen. In the end I did a test which was negative, gutted but not surprised. I'm sorry this isn't a positive answer, but there is hope if you haven't had any fertility checks or perhaps there is something that can be done. I do hope I will have a child, we will be looking towards IVF soon.

Thanks Bunny2006. We had fertility checks and nothing major came up, we were due to go back just before lockdown to look at options but the clinic had to cancel all appointments. They were happy with our results so it's extra strange that I feel so certain it won't happen, that didn't even give me hope. I don't know where this pessimism is coming from, it's not like me.

The clinic is starting to reschedule so hopefully we'll be back on track soon and able to look at options. Best of luck to you too.