Watching people not appreciate their kids

[Lucyjane123]

Hello all,
This is my first time writing in here, and am looking for some advice, perspective and and support in how to address my issue within myself.
I'm 26, and have been trying for a baby for just over 6 months with no luck, a long with pcos it's looking like there's not much hope, I'm also a nursery nurse, have been for all of my adult life, it's painful holding babies and little ones to the point of me thinking I need to switch career paths.

So the advice I need, is that since lockdown, a lot, and I mean a lot, of my friends on Facebook have been so utterly ungrateful for the time they have to spend with their kids, videoing them having tantrums saying 'anyone want to swap' or gloating about being kid free as daddy's home for the night... That kind of thing.

I understand not everyone is built in the most maternal of ways, but I don't understand how some people can be so ungrateful, and insensitive to others situations. How do I deal with these people, how do I deal with my bitter thoughts towards them? I'm not normally a bitter person and it's worried me how I'm becoming

The reality of being a parent is that you're so knackered that you do feel unhappy/angry/upset/tired/put-upon/taken for granted a fair bit of the time.

Of course those parents feel love for their children ALL the time. Most of them are only posting to get a laugh.

But what concerns me is that after just 6 months you think there's not much hope.

Have you seen the doctor?

Hi,
Sorry, for clarification, I didn't mean to sound as if they don't love their children, just that they have such a gift and they don't seem to recognise that?

It's also a part of jealousy in me I think, which is not something I'm used to feeling, I'm not an envious person, I've managed to make myself a home, have a job I enjoy, attain most things I've wanted with a bit of hard work.. I don't know.

As for the 6 months, I was diagnosed with pcos several years ago, infertility runs in my family turns out, I do feel like my hope is fading exceptionally quickly, went to the docs to have a chat about advice, the doctor barely looked from the computer screen and told me to go stand on the scales, took my height and said I was just pushing into the overweight bracket. At which point his sole advice was to lose weight, which I have done and was doing anyways but he wasn't concerned about my pcos or that I was having irregular cycles.
I'm so utterly deflated about the whole thing, it's something we've both wanted for so long, my SO is a bit older, he doesn't want to be an old old dad, I'm so worried and feel extraordinary helpless for someone who normally is a calm person who doesn't worry about anything.

6 months is no time to ttc, I'm sorry. Only 80% of couples with no issues will conceive in the first year. 90-95% in two years.

They don't teach us that in schools and so our expectations can be really really unrealistic about how long it will take when you stop wanting to prevent pregnancy and switch to being desperate to conceive immediately.

That's good you're keeping your weight in healthy levels. I think I read that a bmi of 22-23 is optimum for ttc?

I know I wasn't able to not get pretty down after the first year or so of ttc. But honestly, take it as it comes for the next 6 months and then go back to the docs.

Hopefully you'll get pregnant before then. It's possible you will. But with everything in life, there are no guarantees, which is NOT what you were taught in pshe.

I have to agree 6 months is no time at all and you are probably at least 10 years younger than many of us who experience long term infertility so you have that on your side - most people do fall pregnant within 1-2 years

I have a DD and now in the middle of secondary infertility - being a parent brings out extremes of emotions I never knew I had - you are constantly knackered angry frustrated but then there are massive highs to go with the lows. It doesn't mean we don't appreciate our children

I can't tell you how many people I know who were told they had PCOS and would struggle to conceive so didn't bother with contraception and low and behold they are pregnant in a few months

It’s wrong to assume that people moaning about their kids don’t still think they’re a gift. At times, dh drives me up the wall and I talk to close friends about it, but I love him to bits and absolutely appreciate how brilliant he is. We all need to let off steam with a good moan now and again. Asking if people want to swap if they know that they’re struggling to conceive is pretty insensitive though.

I would come off social media. It’s not very helpful at the best of times and this isn’t the best of times.

I advise you to stop focusing on the hard time and get on the exercise and health kick. Focus on that.