New here and just got my BFP but terrified after a Missed Miscarriage

[victay]

Hi all,
I am new to this forum and have never posted on anything like this before. I don't really know what I am looking for by posting but I feel so alone with these thoughts I wanted some support from fellow mums!
So here is my story
Around 13 years ago I suffered from an Ectopic pregnancy, it was an accidental pregnancy and I wasn't in a serious relationship at the time. When this happened I ended in surgery and never really gave much thought that my right tube had been removed (I really don't think I understood the seriousness)

After that I met what I thought would be my forever partner and fell pregnant again not planned and that resulted in the healthy birth of my twins who are now ten.

After this I separated and met the actual love of my life (current partner) we spoke about having children and being (34me and 41) decided to try last year. We fell pregnant straight away and had an early scan which showed a heartbeat and baby. Unfortunately I returned the following week to find out the baby had stopped beating and opted for a D&C. I went in for surgery and suffered an internal bleed from it. This meant a subsequent surgery and 7 days in hospital. It was awful just terrible.

I thought last month i was over it and would like to try again so we did and again I fell pregnant straight away. I have just found out and am petrified something bad will happen again. I made the mistake of not showing my partner how sad I was by the last experience that I cannot explain the anxiety of this time. Also, neither of us want to be happy just in case something bad happens. I am a nervous wreck that any twinge could be an issue and every day seems to drag.
I guess I am looking for some positivity and reassurance.
I am just pregnant so who knows but I wish I didn't feel this way

Hi @victay so sorry for your losses. Your experiences sounds really traumatic, so it’s understandable you are feeling anxious.
I had a MMC in December and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again too. I am also anxious and get how alone you can feel at these times.

I have taken comfort from the support of this network, and one mantra I’ve heard is ‘new sperm, new egg, new pregnancy’ obviously we can’t know how things will progress, but all we can do is remain hopeful.
Connect with groups here, there’s one in the pregnancy board which is around pregnancy after losses - and it’s really uplifting reading and asking for support over there.

I wish you a healthy and happy 9months and please reach out if you need support ❤️🌈

I had a Mmc many years ago which was discovered at my 12 week scan. I had had a dd previously and wasn’t anticipating any issues. I got pregnant again fairly soon after the mmc and can understand your anxiety. We paid for a scan at 7 weeks for reassurance and the pregnancy progressed smoothly. He’s currently driving me mad as a 13 year old talking too loudly on the phone right now! A further pregnancy was also successful. I realise it’s scary but there’s no reason to believe anything will go wrong again. Good luck

Thanks so much for your kind words and understanding. It is so lovely to see I’m not alone on this journey. I guess today is one of those days but we must be brave and hopeful. I certainly feel comfort by the posts and positive outcomes I’ve seen. I’m trying to focus on that and have set small milestones for myself: 5 weeks, 8 which is beyond my last MMC etc! It’ll be a long ride but happy to see you guys are with me

So great to hear and sometimes these things are out of our control (even when so traumatic) every twinge is alarm bells and doom! I’m aiming for positivity tomorrow and see how it goes xx