Possibly pregant and a bit scared

[Babybrain26]

Hi all. I feel like I've been a bit stupid. I'm 34 in 2 weeks but have underlying health conditions (crohns, arthritis, osteopenia and endometriosis). I already have one baby who's only 4.5 months old. Hard work but absolutely love him to bits of course. After having him I felt quite broody again and also because of my age and health conditions we thought we should try for a sibling sometime soon. It took me around 3 years to be able to conceive our son and had some naturopathic help as well to do so.

When I did get pregnant with him, my crohns wasnt very stable and I had only started a new medication. I'm currently in remission from crohns and my meds are now proven safe.

My husband and I had discussed my age, previous medical history and decided due to covid 19 we would wait a few months.

However we got a bit carried away last week and I think I could possibly be pregnant this cycle. Initially it was all I wanted as I was feeling so broody after the birth and missed being pregnant, but now I feel I was irresponsible and selfish because I won't be able to dedicate as much time and energy to my son.

My husband says he would be happy if I was, but I feel in terms of my health and any future baby's health I shouldn't have gotten so carried away.

I'm currently on the 2ww and unable to sleep with worry. I hate myself for giving in, but I was worried about my age/fertility etc too. Needless to say I do suffer from anxiety and I feel the hormones aren't helping.

I know it's easy to say from an outsider's perspective, but what's done (or not done) is done. It's sound like perhaps in hindsight you wouldn't have made this decision? If so I'd write a letter to your future self now explaining how you feel and what time future you should wait until.

If you do find out that you're not pregnant then hopefully your letter will act as a sounding board for future you when you're inevitably broody again.

If you do find out you're pregnant... well... there are worse things in the world. It sounds like from a practical / health point of view it might not have been the best decision. But it also sounds like you're in a relationship full of love and support and that you're loving being a mum? As I said, there are much worse things in the world.

Whatever happens, I hope it all works out for you. I've got an 8-month-old and am ridiculously broody. I'm actually quite glad we're in lockdown and I can't get my implant out. My intention was to not have another baby for 2-3 years (hence the implant), but I got to 6 months and have been 100% broody since so I can't definitely feel where you're coming from.

Thanks for your reply. I never thought I would feel so broody so quick. Its mad. I face a nervous two weeks but yes I could be in a worse situation. I just didn't ever think I would be so swayed potentially by hormones etc. And that's why I feel down on myself.