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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Need to offload... (TTC since Aug 2018)

1 reply

lankyliscuits · 27/04/2020 12:42

Last night I had a breakdown. Yet another month, yet another period. In March we had our first infertility clinic appointment and I should have been having further blood tests, an HSG, an internal ultrasound and a follow up appointment after all of this to try and figure out our next steps and what could be causing our, at present unexplained, infertility. This is all up in the air because of coronavirus. NHS resources are stretched and understandably all but "essential" appointments and tests are postponed. I feel selfish for getting frustrated but it's so hard not too when it's an "invisible" virus that is the cause and which is ruining so many lives. I'm frustrated we don't yet have a reason for not being able to get pregnant since we started trying in August 2018. Our initial tests done through our GP came back "normal", we are young (late 20s), both generally fit and healthy and time intercourse pretty spot on I believe. I'm using ovulation tests which seem to indicate I should be ovulating at textbook time and my periods are pretty much textbook!

The start of my period this month was painful. I couldn't stop crying last night. Everything is overwhelming and my head is all over the place. I wish it was easy to forget we were trying and to do what I said from the offset which was "just see what happens" - yeah, easier said than done!

We get married in 2022. We booked it well in advance to give us more time to try for a baby. In my head I jump to the worst case scenario of us having to have IVF which is not successful with NHS funding so we have to go to privately funding this which we wouldn't be able to afford as well as a wedding. Why can't I stop thinking of worst case scenario?

I just don't really know where my head is at and need to offload, sorry.

Sending lots of love to everyone trying x

OP posts:
October2020 · 27/04/2020 12:55

I'm so sorry. We tried for years before doing IVF and I am now pregnant but I remember the grinding, gripping endlessness of fear and worry and heartbreak that comes with infertility.

I also had the seemingly perfect cycles with nothing obviously wrong - a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy showed that my tubes were completely blocked and I had a uterine abnormality so natural conception would have been impossible for us.

I can only imagine how much harder it is when everything has stopped and doesn't even have a set in stone end date. I found the waiting horrendous but manageable when I could count down the days... at the moment you can't even do that.

It is okay to be feeling totally fucking miserable right now.

Three things that I found vaguely helpful in the waiting (although it didn't take away the agony):

Focusing on what I could control helped. Losing weight, eating healthily, researching supplements... whilst none of it would have cured my infertility I hope it made me healthier for all the surgery and procedures.

I read and listened to lots of books from people who had experienced infertility - from those who had children and those who didnt. The two most useful books I read were both written by Sheridan Voysey (the resurrection year and ...the making of us? His most recent one). I absolutely loved the Infertile AF podcast too - real mix of infertility causes and not everyone had the perfect ending (which I found supportive...I hated hearing about everyone's success stories).

We also stopped waiting for things. I had stopped booking holidays and buying clothes and applying for jobs etc etc... in the end, it was healthily for my soul to just get on with it. Remember that IVF is a bloody long process - a minimum of 3months if you do a fresh transfer and it works. If it fails you have to wait another minimum of three months... the two NHS funded cycles would take the best part of a year. If you then have to find funding yourself, you have all that time plus more because you may want to take a break between them. And that's IF it fails. I was utterly convinced that none of our cycles would work... and I got pregnant first one. If you want to get married now, do it. You can work out the finances (if you need them) later.

Sending love in hard times. x

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