Newbie TTC 10 months

[JNG18]

I'm a long-time lurker, officially joining as we're still not expecting after 10 months.

I know, someone will jump at me and tell me 10 months is nothing, try 8 years, etc. but there are a few factors causing me concern here.

I have not been on contraception for any longer than 3 months over 5 years ago (it made me bleed constantly, so I gave it up). Since then we were using the pull out method- which we knew wasn't 100% reliable but were comfortable enough taking the risk. I was always a little suspicious as to why nothing ever happened, but shrugged it off as him "timing things right".

I have had a history of bad, but not extreme periods, with a lot of symptoms of Endometriosis. I had this checked out with the doctor, via ultrasound- they suspect Endo also, but wanted to either give me birth control or have us keep TTC in the hopes a pregnancy will put a hold on the period issues.

I found this out after we just started TTC, and a day 21 test to look into my fertility (separately from the endo) which showed I was ovulating normally.

Of course, we carried on with the recommendation of TTC, but only for 3-4 months before having a further visit (keeping in mind the years of unprotected sex). At which point we would have further investigations.

DH is due to get his swimmers tested, but COVID put a hold on that for now.

In the meanwhile we have still been trying, but with no luck, and its starting to get to me. For starters I'm sure we aren't DTD enough- its rare we have more than 3 times per cycle. His libido is much lower than mine and this is often as good as it gets (we've had discussions about this, its just how he is as a person). This compounded with my prolonged bleeding (between period and spotting, it's been as bad as 15 days in a month) there is a limited time in which we can DTD.

Therefore we try to time it with apps, following CM, (although no temping or OPKs because I have a tendency to get obsessive- I'd rather not get crazy about this).

We also don't DTD enough in my opinion, its rare we ever DTD 4x or more in a month. Although it's true, there are a lot more tests that can be done, or more of a concerted approach that can be taken towards this. guess I don't want to get too invested, work myself up more each month and experience the much steeper comedown (I think about it more and get emotional around my period about it anyway).

After reading all this about SMEP, knowing all that is impossible for us, I am pretty dispirited about the process.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for out of this post, I guess some hope or to be heard by people that understand.

Defo been here!! We were trying for 3 years. I have alllllll the symptoms of endo but in the end my consultant said exploratory surgery, keyhole or otherwise, is more likely to damage a tube than solve the issue. Our edited highlights are ttc using fertility app for 18m, sperm test for him (all ok), ovulation tests for me (all ok). Decided to get married in between all this so took a few months off for that and in the end I got booked in for an HSG. It took ages for a variety of reasons to get this test and then when that came back all clear the consultant gave us the green light for IVF. He said we should keep trying for a few months before we started the process as often couples conceive after an HSG if no other underlying issues.

We put our IVF papers in on 30/11/19 and I got my first ever bfp 4/12/19! I was 37 at the time, Dh is 39 and I thought we'd just left it too long but here we are now at 26 weeks exactly 🥰

From my experience the ttc road is hellish, it really tests your relationship. My husband used to say we didn't try enough each month and every time he said that it was so painful as I was really trying but I was so stressed at that point having sex was the last thing I wanted to do even though it was really the only thing we should have been doing to get to the end goal!

My friend is an embryologist and she said stress is much more of a major deal than previously thought when ttc so my advice would be to try and take the pressure off where you can. It might be a long road but most couples do get there. and in the meantime plan stuff together and try and be content with just each other as when you come out the other side you will be 100% stronger for it!

Hope that helps/was what you were looking for. X

@JNG18 I'm sorry to hear about your struggles, I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It sounds like you don't DTD very much, however it only takes 1 sperm, so it's really important to time sex to just before ovulation. I completely understand the not wanting to obsess, but opks might be useful for you so you can time your DTD to exactly the right time.

And I know it's hard (we've trying 1 year +) but try and keep positive. There's no point in being really down and miserable, and it could be a long road ahead (It's this thought that makes me determined to make the best of things, even though it's not going the way we want). Good luck.