TTC after ectopic and late miscarriage

[Here4theaibu]

Hi

I had an ectopic pregnancy nearly 2 years ago and a late miscarriage at 18 weeks 3 days 5 weeks ago.
Would it be foolish to try again so soon? We've been told it could be months before we get an appointment with a consultant to discuss the miscarriage and then it might only be a phone appointment. We didn't have a post mortem for our little boy so I don't know what they would be able to tell us anyway.
For my last pregnancy we conceived in the first month of TTC so it's not the getting pregnant that worries me, it's the staying pregnant. Reading online I think I may have had an incompetent cervix and I've read having a cervical stitch put in around 12 weeks could be an option. But on the other hand there may have been no reason for it to happen and we'll likely never know

I don't want to come across as desperate or selfish for TTC so soon after losing our little boy, I really don't. I'm terrified of it happening again. I was a mess before our 12 week scan this time convinced there would be something wrong despite having an early scan due to my previous ectopic. I relaxed a lot after that not even imagining that something could go wrong. I'm scared that the extra monitoring and care I'd need if I were to get pregnant again wouldn't be available due to the current pandemic.
And I know it shouldn't matter to anyone but me and my husband but I'm scared people will think that I'm just trying to replace our son and either haven't got over losing him or don't care that we've lost him.
There are quite a few family members and friends expecting/have had babies this year including my sister in law. I think I'm mourning what I should have had as well as everyone else. I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone else but I just can't understand why this has to happen to us especially after last time, it's just so unfair

I know you're more fertile after pregnancy/birth but without talking to a consultant etc whenever that would be, would it be silly to even consider TTC again at this time?

I’m really sorry for your losses. What I would say is, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Your body is yours, your life is yours and your decisions are yours. So as long as you are following medical advice, do what you want and don’t worry what others think or say!
Wishing you the best ❤️❤️

I’m really sorry for your losses. I think you should start trying when you feel ready, and if that’s now then go for it. If you are worried about what care and support you will be able to get, you could speak to your GP? My understanding is that scans are still going ahead, but you can’t have anyone there with you. But I don’t know whether that’s early scans too.

Hi @Here4theaibu i’m pleased i’ve come across this post, i’m so sorry to read about your miscarriage and eptopic pregnancy, it must have been so hard! we had a late miscarriage at 17 weeks on the 4th april, we had said in the beginning we would wait until we had spoken to the consultant but in this current situation it could be months and took us 6 months to get pregnant before (i know in the grand scheme of things that’s not long) but we had a bit of a slip of judgement the other night so now we’ve just decided to see what happens and let nature take its course. I too am really worried about what people would think of we were lucky enough to get pregnant quickly however at the same time we wouldn’t tell anyone until further down the line and 3 or 4 months they wouldn’t remember exactly when it happened too us. None of my friends have been through this so they would never understand how it feels to have the emptiness and longing for a child, it’s not like i am trying to replace our little boy but i still want the hopes and dreams i had to become a reality!
what have you decided to do? x