Pregnancy jealousy

[HannahAD]

Me and my partner have been TTC for a while but due to having the Depo as my last form of contraception my cycles are completely messed up and it’s been really getting me down. His sister has recently announced she’s pregnant and everything has been about babies and pregnancy. We are lucky enough to already have a son but I can’t help but feel a sense of jealousy and upset whenever she mentions it (which is 24/7). I’m happy for her but it’s really making me down. Does anyone else feel this?

Yes,

Sadly.

I'm happy for people, but it just makes the green eyed monster come out.

I have a DD, but No 2 isn't coming along very easy 18 months later and still not pregnant.

Think it just makes me sad for myself, not that I wish people weren't pregnant and god knows what some of them have gone through behind closed doors themselves. I try and think everyone is in the same boat. They get it

I had infertility for 4 years and can relate to this 100%. I would see random people who were obviously pregnant in the street and would feel down. I skipped a few (not all) gatherings of my friends because I knew someone who was pregnant would be there and I didn't feel up to the baby talk.

I had to keep telling myself other people hadn't taken my 'turn' to be pregnant, and that their pregnancy had nothing to do with my lack of pregnancy but the green eyed monster needs a constant talking to.

For what it is worth I was always fine once they'd actually given birth.

I hope that everyone going through this gets their baby asap. xx

Oh my gosh yes.
I see pregnant women and it makes me so jealous, I’ve recently had a MMC in feb and. Chemical in April.
My cousin has just has a baby she’s much younger than me and found out she was pregnant at 5 months. I honestly felt like screaming at her 😩 (I didn’t and was polite but it hurt me so much) I couldn’t attend the baby shower it was just too raw for me.

It makes me feel so sad and angry. Almost as if why don’t I deserve to have a baby and x does? What have I done wrong?

I don’t want to be bitter or jealous but it’s so so hard.
I’m hoping I get my rainbow baby 🌈 in 2021

I feel embarrassed that I’m so bitter about it but I really can’t help it. I’m dreading the baby shower and having to explain to my OH family (who aren’t understanding at all and have been known to bully me before) why I don’t want to go or why I’m being so distant.

Have you spoken to your SIL about this? Sometimes being open with things is the better option. You often don't know what other people have been through to get to the point of being pregnant...

I so so get u all lovely lady's, we've been trying for over 2.5 years, I can't understand why someone who doesn't want to be pregnant is, but I'm not.
I can't stand seeing someone pregnant, specially if Im with my husband.. It kind of feels I'm letting him down. 😔
Also, since we started his sister has been pregnant and she has lovely 1year old and we are godparents which makes it even worse, thank God we live in different countries, but its still hard.
We not telling anybody at all what we're going tru cos it's just easier to say its not time yet.

Yes, I had a miscarriage in January and since then it has seemed that everyone is pregnant. My sister told me she is pregnant the same day I told her I’d lost my baby, she was 3 weeks behind me so it is really rubbish seeing her milestone posts.

I was in a flat mood all day today and couldn’t really put my finger on why, I then saw her belly post and realised that I would have been 22 weeks this week.

I try to think of it as yearning feeling rather than jealousy to make me feel okay. It’s not the kind of jealousy where you wish they didn’t have the baby it’s my of a longing for what they have

My sister in law isn’t very understanding about anything at all. She didn’t plan this pregnancy and I can’t help but feel like why can’t I get pregnant when I’m actively trying and others can get pregnant by chance. It’s even worse that she’s the type of person that will try to rub it in just to be nasty if I was to mention that I felt sad or uncomfortable.

@HannahAD I get it.

That frustrates me more, people who didn't plan pregnancy. I spent 10 years trying not to get pregnant, now I wish I hadn't bothered if I knew this.

It annoys me that some people are a one job Bob! Jealousy by all means. Every should get the same so it's fair lol

I also get it. I had a MMC late last year. I'm fast approaching what would have been our due date and finding it hard. I have a few friends who are pregnant and although I'm happy for them, it's really hard and I often think 'that should have been me too'. Their pregnancies seem to be going so fast and they'll soon have babies and I'm still here at square 1.

I think it's normal to have these feelings and it does hurt. I also found myself feeling quite irrationally sad when I saw a heavily pregnant lady smoking the other day. I'm not one to judge and obviously that's her choice but I felt sad because I tried to do everything text book and it didn't work out and it just felt unfair. I know that sounds selfish and I'd never wish what I went through on anyone regardless of their choices, i just hoped that pregnant lady appreciated how lucky she was to be in her situation and to hopefully have a healthy baby.

Anyway bit of a ramble, but you're not alone

Yes OP. I get this. We are trying to conceive baby number 1. Someone I'm friends with has a child who turns 1 in August and she's just found out she's pregnant again and due in October. Don't get me wrong I am happy for her, but here's me hoping I'm fertile enough to have 1 and she's already expecting her 2nd! haha. I know it's easy to feel disheartened. But I'm trying to think to myself that our time will come, and when it does it will have been so worth the wait 😃 💜

I feel you OP. We’re TTC no2 also. Our DS is just over 2, it took us 18months to get pregnant with him. Just had another BFN this morning after 9 months of trying again and it’s literally killing me.
Why does it have to be so hard?! I have long cycles but I’ve had all sorts of tests done prior to DS so I know everything is as it should be. I mean fml we DTD every other day then 4 days straight over my ovulation day this cycle and I’m STILL not pregnant 😭
I have a friend who had her first by accident and then got pregnant with number 2 on 2nd cycle of trying. Forever messaging me asking if I’m pregnant yet 😐
I think it’s TOTALLY normal to feel jealous and bitter sometimes. Just don’t let it consume you. I’ve decided I’m having a down day today but tomorrow I’ll get up and just get on with it.
Hope you get your BFP soon! ❤️

Mumofboys17 I’m having a down day today aswell as I was expecting my period yesterday but a BFN. Feels like it’s a never ending cycle but I’m allowing myself to feel how I feel and understand it’s natural to feel sad!

I'm exactly the same OP, we've had to put trying on hold with CV. His sister has announced she's pregnant and that's all the family can understandably talk about but it doesn't help me much. It sounds daft but I feel like no one would care if we got pregnant. Especially because his sister is the only girl and my DP already had a DC (my step child)

He's now said that he thinks we should hold off until his sister gives birth(in 7 months) to start trying because he thinks he'll have too much anxiety with the both of us being pregnant. So hopefully he'll change his mind but who knows ...all plans are up in the the moment.

@BronzeSilverGold13 I completely understand the feeling that no one would care because my OH family weren’t very happy or supportive with my first pregnancy. Everything is all about his sister all of the time and if she’s not happy everyone has to change for her.

Hi guys,

Literally joined today looking for some support as our final set of close childless friends just announced their pregnancy and (although I am genuinely am happy for them) it makes it all so raw.
We have been ttc for 2years, fell pregnant 1st attempt and miscarried at 6w. Been trying since and nothing. So fed up of it all.....it's heartbreaking......finally got on waiting list for IVF at the start of April, but the obviously long list will be growing exponentially due to COVID so no idea when it will be our turn. Kind of feels that even that's not going to work for us (Sorry for moan.....I know people are suffering and loosing loved ones due to the current situation, but can't help how much it hurts.....)

Don Don20, ur not alone, there's so many of us just like yourself. I literally hate baby questions from friends. I just keep telling them that I don't want children yet, so then they leave me alone for a while.
We been trying for 2.5 years, I was just about to go for doc appointments before everything closed down..

@HannahAD DPs family pander to his sister quite a lot. She's a lovely person but definitely knows how to play the family to suit her. I'm very happy for her but I fear that his family just won't care too much about any children I have. I do get that I sound very childish but I can't help the insecurities I suppose.

@DonDon20 everyone is entitled to a moan no matter what the state of the world is. The thing I always say is if it's important to you It doesn't matter what else is going on. I hope things work out for you. It's such a shame that CV has come along and messed up so many peoples lives!

@BronzeSilverGold13 Thanks, so good to know that there are lovely people like you guys to turn to when all I want to do is curl up in a ball. That sounds like a really tricky situation, but isn't childish at all.

@Yahooo, it's just so frustrating isn't it.I've spent all night googling "when will fertility treatments resume UK" knowing full well no-one knows the answers. It's been all consuming for us for 2y. Have you guys had any tests so far? We also have a new baby in the family.....it's lovely.....but makes us realise what we don't have but so desperately want

@BronzeSilverGold13 I totally get that, my OH family show no interest in my son but are already all over his sister.

Hey,

I literally started feeling pregnancy jealousy just before you made this thread. I really hate the feeling! It makes me feel like an awful irrational person.

My grandmother was diagnosed with a terminal cancer in January and I suddenly realised how much I wanted to start a family with DH and simultaneously be the 'bringer of good news' to my family. Sounds like I just wanted a baby for this reason but far from it, I've wanted to start a family for a long time but the situation with my grandmother finally got the ball rolling.

Sadly my grandmother died in March, just before lockdown. It was really difficult because she died much sooner than any of us had anticipated, and I had hoped that even if she couldn't meet her new great-grandchild, I would at least be able to tell her about my pregnancy.

I didn't get pregnant. I am still trying (aware it's not been that long, on month 3 of trying). But I was desperate to have a baby born near her birthday, when that chance passed I just wanted to be the one to bring good news back to the family. It would be my mum's first grandchild, she would be over the moon, It would start a new generation of the family after losing one etc..

Then, this Monday, my cousin messages me with just a picture... of his wife's 12 wk scan (baby No.2). No message or anything, just the picture, like he is just expecting a congratulations. I felt this horrible sinking feeling. Of course I am massively happy for them, they have fertility issues which mean that Baby No.1 took a long time for them, but she was born last June and I felt a bit bitter that they are already on Baby No.2 less than a year after No.1, and they have "stolen my chance" to be the one to announce happy news to the family.

I told myself I was being ridiculous and selfish. It doesn't matter that they are pregnant, imagine how happy they are at being pregnant again, how would I feel knowing that someone was jealous of me. I put it to the back of my mind.

But my mum is now obsessing over it. We are a close family so we have a lot to do with each other and see each other a lot. My mum is obviously excited about having another great niece or nephew but it just makes me feel like that excitement should be for me... not them. I haven't told her we are TTC, so she wouldn't know. I've only told my sister.

Today my cousin posted it in a family whatsapp with the message "a bit of good news in these sad times" and my great aunt replied saying "hold out a bit longer and baby might be born on nannie's birthday!".

This cut me, as they were both things I had hoped for me!

LMAO writing this now I feel ridiculously selfish and crazy, but I think that is what TTC does to you. I am never an attention seeker, but when something exciting does happen for me (getting engaged, married have been only situations so far) I think I secretly do want the attention >.<

Ok I have now made myself sound like such a selfish creature so I'm going to stop here! Writing this has just been a bit of therapy for me...

And hopefully I conceive soon so that I don't feel like this anymore!

@HannahAD that's awful I'm just hoping my family will pay more attention to any child I have.

@HopeWish I'm so sorry that's happened to you, I get the need to be the bringer of good news especially now.

DPs sister announced it on DPs birthday in his birthday card....
My main worry now is that if I get pregnant any time soon I'll be accused of trying to steal the spotlight from DPs sister... that might not happen but because we haven't told anyone we're trying I fear it will seem like I'm after attention.