Desperate for DC3 but DP is adamant that he doesn't want any more.

[DesperatelyConfused6]

As the title suggests I am absolutely desperate for DC3 (currently have DD(4) and DS(22months) I would absolutely love to have a 3rd. I always wanted 4 but DP only wanted 2 so we had agreed to stop. I'm finding parenting DD difficult at times but on the whole I absolutely love it. I would absolutely love another baby to add to our family but I can't get over the fact that DP doesn't want any more.
Sorry just needed to get that out there.

Usually the person who doesn’t want another baby always trumps here. You need to decide if you can live with that or if you want to leave your DP so that you can pursue your desire of another.

May I ask why do you want a 3rd? You talk about wanting a “baby”. What about when you have three teenagers? Do you see yourself managing fine? Can you still see giving all the attention and opportunities to your older two if you have a third?

@Dyrne I agree. The one who says no trumps the one who says yes. I'm not going to leave DP over this, we've been together 14 years.

I guess I just don't feel my family is complete. Reminiscing about being with my 2 & my nephew at softplay (long before lockdown) & seeing the 3 of them playing so nicely together & then my eldest & my nephew playing together leaving my youngest alone was heartbreaking for me as I foresee it happening a lot more as they get older & wanting to give my youngest a playmate.

What are his reasons for not wanting a third?

Financially, how are you? How many bedrooms do you have? What types of holidays do you like to take? How much family help do you have?

@ilikebigbuttsandicannotlie we could probably just about afford it. We are by no means well off but we manage. We have 3 bedrooms, our 2DC currently share a pretty big room, the 3rd is minuscule but big enough for a nursery if we get a shed for DP to WFH in 😂 we've not had a holiday since having kids bar the odd weekend away for a family members wedding etc. Both our families live 30mins away & are very hands on with help of any variety (childcare, support, etc)
I think the main reason he doesn't want to is he's worried we'll struggle with both financially & practically. Not only that but our parents won't have the room for 3 in the car (we have a people carrier), we'll be outnumbered on days out, kids get more expensive as they grow, (clothes, shoes, hobbies etc) I can see the rational part of his argument against it & I don't disagree with any of his points. But I can't stop how my heart feels.

I get it’s hard, and I think the current situation is making it harder as you don’t have friends and cousins for them to play with.

As they get older they’ll start to play with each other more - 2 years seems like a massive gap now but soon it’ll feel like no time at all and they’ll be happily running around trying to kill each other!

Ooh and I meant say that if you had a 3rd now you’d actually have a bigger gap between 2&3 than between 1&2!

How would a third child give your youngest a playmate? There'd be a far larger gap between them.

Even if you were to fall pregnant tonight you’d have a similar age gap between baby 3 as you do between your daughter and your son, so you wouldn’t really be giving the younger one a playmate as you then might find that your nephew and older children leave out the younger one. There’s a big different between 4 and 22 months but they shouldn’t be leaving your son out when they’re 8 and he’s 6?

I am sorry though. And I know rational arguments don’t always help!

If you would struggle financially I wouldn't have another child, especially now as things are going to get worse economically.