Anyone fed up with ttc sex?

[Anotherfeduplady]

I really really love my husband and we really really want a baby... However after 14 months of TTC, our sex life kinda sucks... we're rarely 'in the mood for it' throughout the month anymore...we do it in the fertile days, every 2-3 days, but more often than not it feels like a chore. We both try to make efforts and occasionally make it special, but really, the passion we had before TTC is not really there. (It's also harder in the months when we're tired/busy/get ill/or just dont feel well)..

Anyone with similar issues? Any positive inspiration to share?
Clearly the advice of forgetting about ttc and just have fun doesnt work for us...how can you forget about ttc when we want it so much? And how can we get back to exciting bed times when we're having to plan them in the right weeks? 🤔

Maybe stop trying for a bit and take the pressure off?

I think trying to concentrate on enjoying sex is really good advice. I know it’s difficult to try to stop pursuing pregnancy but that’s my advice. I don’t really know what the secret of success is but it may just be a lottery. Enjoying your sex life cant be bad though.

The problem is you will get advice like "relax! Stop trying!" But as you are finding out , you can't stop trying because you know that every time you have sex you ARE trying.. and if you don't have sex around ovulation it feels like a missed opportunity. It's shit OP. My advice is, the sex does become a chore, however I found the important thing was to ensure that beyond the sex, we made time to still enjoy our relationship and being together. Date nights, trips away, doing nice things for each other (non sexual) , it all helps with the sex feeling less of a chore.

Good luck!

Also, and I'm sure you're already on this, you've been TTC for 14 months.. you can now see doctor and get some fertility testing done.. well in a few months once you can see a doctor again!!

Just to say - I posted a similar thread earlier yesterday too- you are not alone !

Get drunk! Forget about making a baby, do the positions you wouldn't do like missionary and have fun, I've heard of people getting pregnant once they had a wild drunken night

Hi @Anotherfeduplady, I've been trying nearly as long as you and feel your frustrations. For myself I really wouldn't want to stop trying, even for a cycle or two. I agree with @anyoneforbingo- try and do nice things as a couple and try to focus on all the nice things in your relationship / life, rather than what is missing and not going so well.

As for the sex, maybe have less timed sex? We have tried so many variations, including having sex for 4 or 5 nights in a row before ovulation- and nothing has worked! So this month going to relax. Have sex when we want to, and not worry if we skip a night (although will still try to get in some at the crucial time, but I find my libido naturally goes up anyway). It only takes 1 sperm in the end!

I think it's good to identify issues like this and do something before it gets worse. Sex is so important to your relationship, even more so now. Have you tried speaking to DP about how you both feel? I think this is an issue best tackled together! Last cycle we used extra time & energy during lockdown to get a bit more creative...

I got like this we decided to take a brake, now everything seems good again.

I honestly got pregnant on my birthday month, I was going on lots of nights out for birthday and the run up to Christmas and my birthday month in particular I had weekends away booked etc so we weren't trying that month. To say stop ttc is silly because obviously you can't just stop, but maybe tell yourself you are allowed a month to have a break, you're only going to delay things by a month max, no testing, no temping, no tracking, drink wine and eat nice food and have sex because you want too and not because you need to, a baby is everything but a healthy relationship is up there too. Put eachother first this month and of it doesn't happen you have at least enjoyed being with eachother ❤️ good luck ❤️

Thanks ladies for all your advice. Really good to read!

@letloz thanks - what's the name of the thread? There's too many here...
To be honest, things have naturally become more relaxed - we've both ill now, covid19 symptoms although mild. So i am relieved i am not pregnant right now. And also i think once we're well, we'll appreciate our bodies more and it'll be fun again (hopefully within the best timing).

@Maybeimweird will do just that, once we're both healthy.

@niknac1 it does feel like a lottery for sure! Fingers crossed that it'll happen when it's meant to happen!

@anyoneforbingo completely agree - doing something else that's fun together is really important. We've had a date like dinner at home and watched a new movie afterwards. Cant wait to be able to go out for a walk soon too, when we're well.
I've been referred to the fertility clinic by my GP in Feb but they said it'll take months before we get the appointments. I imagine it'll be even longer now due to the NHS being stretched thinly.

@BabyB19 some good advice there too. Glad it worked out for you :) it was my birthday yesterday, but we didn't drink because we both still have a cough... we'll celebrate in few weeks i am sure ;)

@Skyla01 glad to hear that you understand my worries... interesting idea with the creative variations! Hope it works out for you this month!
I know i can talk to my husband about anything, so we did talk about this too...he agreed that we want to try to bring the passion back in somehow, but also agreed we don't want to skip a month, that would feel like even more pressure really. Generally, i do think my sex drive is higher than his, which is unusual, but there's several factors contributing to that (incl health and age, we're not 20 anymore and there's 10yrs age gap between us). I am certain we'll get through this, and as long as we communicate clearly, we'll be happy. We really want a baby but our relationship is equally important.