Talk to me about 2 under 2...

[dottydally]

So for some crazy reason I am spending the small hours during the 4 month sleep regression contemplating baby no.2. DS is 5 months and we are thinking about trying for another as he approaches 1. Can anyone talk to me about what it's like having 2 under 2? Am I mad?

Did you go back to work after maternity leave pregnant? How was it?

We are very much of the opinion that we'll stop at 2. We had initially thought we'd try when DS turned 2 but I'm wondering whether to have them close together. I know I might not get pregnant straight away etc, but if I did, how manageable is 2 under 2?

Hi, we had 2 under 2. Our dd was 9 months old when I became pregnant with our ds. So there was an 18 month gap between them. It's quite a while ago now but I would recommend it. The only difficult thing I found was that I had an emergency CS with the second baby so that was more difficult looking after the toddler. Other than there was never any jealousy as the gap was so small. They grew up together, played together all the time, were only a school year apart, and are good friends now much older. So in our case it was the right decision. I didn't go back to work and in fact had another ds with a 20 month gap. Again, they are all such good friends now and have pretty much always been.

My close friend has 2 under 2. She returned to work full time and has found the greatest issue to be childcare costs and is now considering taking a career break or going part time until the kids' start school.

My middle two are 15mths apart, it was fine, baby just fell into same routine, fortunately he was a great sleeper from day 1.
I went back to work when he was 2, childminder/nursery for childcare.
You have to train yourself a much as the kids!

15 month gap here. I must've been mad to consider going back for baby number two so soon but my firstborn was such hard work that we thought we'd get baby number two done quickly too so we'd get on with our lives after that! Honestly speaking, It's been one of the toughest things I've ever done and I wouldn't recommended it. Everyone keeps saying it'll get easier but I feel like I've cheated my first from my time and the baby- I'm in survival mode atm and they both get just the bare basics from me. Should add that we have no family around to help so maybe that's coloured my views.

Ps. I didn't go back to work in between. Enjoyed being mum to my first so thought it'd be more of the same. It isn't. I can't wait to go back to work when the nurseries open again.

20 month gap. Went back to work in between and when DS2 was 6 months old. It was hard work and exhausting. Took us 5 years to decide to have DS3.

Positives are DS1 and DS2 can do almost everything together and they play together. It's nice to see.

Following!

My DS is 9 months and I've just stopped taking the pill (yesterday) to TTC number 2. We also had the thought that if we had two close together then we could get all the nappies and no sleep over with in a few years and then it would get easier! That's what we're hoping anyway!!

Thank you all!

@housetips we actually said just that - if we had two close together it might make outings/activities easier. I had a straightforward pregnancy and birth with DS but I know there's no guarantee I'll be as lucky next time around. Did you have an easier labour third time?

@cheercaptain very good point! Childcare will be a mixture of a childminder and grandparents and I will go back PT (4 days). Hopefully would all work ok! Plan would be for DS to go to preschool when he's 3 as well.

@JKScot4 did you not get a 4 month sleep regression? You lucky thing!

@titnomatani thank you for the honesty! We do have lots of family nearby (parents, siblings) which is definitely a factor for me. I don't think I'd be considering it as seriously if we were on our own. Lockdown has taught me how much I value having them around.

@the8thmonth did it take you 5 years because you'd found the first two so difficult or were there other factors at play? When did your eldest 2 get easier? If at all!

@JBCG good luck! That was partly our logic too. Get the baby stage done in one go. Are you going back to work in between?

@dottydally I've been back at work since January so will hopefully be able to get a good year or so back there before going off again!

I am slightly nervous about how hectic it will be but we're fairly certain we only want 2 and you never know how long it'll take! So wanted to start trying now just in case it does take a while to TTC #2!

I have two under two. My youngest is now nearly 12 weeks and my eldest will be two soon.

It's been fine so far. DS1 was/is quite high needs and that's been the biggest challenge. Especially now we can't go out and socialise, that would make it 10x easier. However I have stuck to his routine so he feels secure, and DS2 has just slotted in. Luckily he's a much easier baby! I sometimes feel bad that neither gets my full attention for long, but that doesn't really have anything to with the age gap. DS1 adores the baby and I can't wait until they can play together (and I can drink a hot cup of tea).

@dottydally

it took us 5 years to have DS3 because having
DS1 and DS2 so close together was a struggle. We had no family help and both worked full time.

Sleep was a struggle. DS1 was just starting to sleep through the night, but I was 7 months pregnant so uncomfortable and still not getting much sleep. Then DS2 was born and it was at least another 18 months to 2 years before we had everyone sleeping. I didn't sleep properly for almost 4 years.

It was definitely easier once DS2 was potty trained, sleeping good and starting to talk.

DS3 came once DS1 was in primary and DS2 was in preschool full time. It's been great. The older two are such a big help. They play with DS3 and I get to enjoy having a toddler again. It's easier for having more children with a larger age gap.

22 months here now 6 & 8, it's hard, but if I had my time again I'd do the same thing!

The first year, with both in nappies, terrible twos and a newborn, super tricky! But then they like the same things, play together, you only really go through every stage once as there's a short break in between and then before you know it they're both in school.

I hear lots of friends, for example now in lockdown, one school age is fine, but then they have a toddler who is a nightmare or whatever.

We can all enjoy similar things, it's great!

I say go for it OP, but brace yourself for it to be challenging at the start!

@dottydally you asked whether my third labour was easier, it wasn't it was another emergency CS. However, it was so much easier to recover from the second CS. He was an absolute dream baby slept well from the start and I think having all the experience from the first two helped.

I have several friends who have a 3 year age gap and their children didn't seem to play together or were often at different stages, but in our family they were much closer and were doing the same things. At one point the first two were in the same primary school class (split year groups where we live) which was very easy.

I really do think the age gap makes a big difference, of course they need to get on too. We actually had a fourth child with a three year gap (would have been shorter if we could have). Our younger DS adored DD no 4 and played with her loads, she really missed him when he started school, but the age gap was definitely more noticeable than between the first three.

Hi.
There is 12 and a half months exactly to the day between my girls.......
The first year was a bit of a blur in all honesty and quite hard work as I was a single mum.
They are 9 and 10 now, still fight like cat and dog but easier to manage lol.

I have two that are 15 months apart, they're now 3 and 1. The first year was really hard. My older child had a really hard time understanding why there was a new baby in the mix and still goes to his dad when he wants comfort which was my role. It was really hard to get through early breastfeeding while my husband was at work as the new baby wanted to feed all the time and my 15 month wanted and needed attention. I almost gave up but survived with a lot of screen time. I was only back at work a few months in between maternity leave and by the time I returned many of my peers had been promoted and I am yet to catch up.

On the good side, they play together a lot and my one year old is much easier as they learned to play independently and insist on doing most things for themselves to be like their sibling.

It's hard but I guess any newborn is hard work. We were planning to start trying for another (but have postponed until everything settles down) so it can't have been that bad!