Many miscarriages, I don't know how to help

[Aeon6]

Hi All,

My Sister and her husband have been trying to conceive for two years but have suffered many miscarriages, a few have been late term ones. I can't ask about this anywhere else as she is a very private person and I don't want to cause her any more pain.

I feel awful as I have been lucky enough to have a full term pregnancy (despite previous loss and fertility problems) an it just seem horribly unfair. I would happily give her one of my eggs or be a surrogate for her but my husband is not comfortable with the idea of me being pregnant again.

My Sister lives far away from me and I feel like I'm not being supportive enough, is there anyrhing that anyone can suggest that I can do to help?

Hi OP. I've had a couple of losses myself, and the best thing people could do for me is give me space to grieve, but talk about it if she needs to. Don't bring it up yourself, other than to say I'm sorry for your loss at the time. People cope with grief and losses differently. Don't ask her if she's trying again, or suggest adoption or other typical unhelpful things.

When my sister was pregnant, I had my second loss. My loss did not affect my excitement for my sister or how I felt about her pregnancy though, so don't feel bad.

I think the main things I would say is do not bring up egg donation/ surrogacy with her. If she wants/ needs this option, let her be the one to bring it up (although you've said your husband isn't cool with that). Their losses may not be down to reasons that egg donation or surrogacy could address. Although my losses were not down to the same reason each time, I still kind of felt like I had failed somehow, so offering egg donation or surrogacy, although from a kind place, might make her feel bad.

It's kind of you to seek advice from people in similar situations to your sister. You sound really thoughtful, and I hope you're able to support your sister and have a good relationship with her.

Thank you for your well thought out response, I'm really grateful. That was kind and I appreciate your point of view. I'll take on board what you have said and will try not to say anything to hurt her.

I'm sorry that you have had a hard journey, I hope that you have had some good luck 🌸

Thank you, @Aeon6. That's very kind of you.