TTC and don't know whether to continue

[AwkwardPaws27]

Please be kind. I'm struggling with the current situation and not sure whether we should continue TTC.

I miscarried in late July / early August (MMC/ blighted ovum, long drawn out process, took about 4 weeks from confirmation of empty sac to negative test). It was frankly shit and took me a few months to be ready to try again. Started again in November, have tried to take a relatively relaxed approach (checking cervical mucus and DTD every 2-3 days from CD 8 - 20, but not temping / using ovulation tests etc). No luck yet.

My husband's brother and his girlfriend welcomed a gorgeous new baby a few weeks ago. His cousin is due in the next few weeks. I've had what would have been our due date and mothers day with no positive test, and now I don't know if we should continue, or pause until the coronavirus situation becomes clearer.

If we were to be lucky enough to fall pregnant in the next couple of months, I hope that the peak would be over by the time a baby was due. But what if I miscarry again? What if this virus causes developmental issues, like Zika?

I don't know what to do.

So sorry you'd had such a rough time, I can't imagine the pain and upset you've gone through.
I know it's a difficult process and no one wants to have to postpone TTC as we all know time is precious however it is a very worrying time to be pregnant at the moment. My appointments with my midwife are over the phone and I face scans alone as most hospitals are not allowing visitors. Along with possibly only 1 birthing partner at the moment. I'm also hoping things calm down by the time my baby is due but it is worrying to say the least and not how I dreamed my pregnancy would go. At the moment not enough is known about the virus in relation to foetal development which is another huge worry and again something I would rather not be dealing with. Given that you are likely and very understandably probably going to worry given your miscarriage, I would suggest holding off even a couple of months until hopefully this settles a little and more is known as the added worry and stress is hard. I'm sorry that's probably not the answer you wanted but I wish you all the best xx

I'm meant to be starting the civil service fast stream in September (if they honour the post now, given the situation) so if we hold off then I'll have to wait until I've been in post for a while before TTC again as otherwise I might not get maternity pay.

Sigh.

It's a tiny problem in the grand scheme of things but I guess I had this idea that seeing others with their lovely babies would be easier if I was expecting.

Honestly op, due to the issues and heartbreak you've had I would keep going. Also means you will be trying consistently so can get medical help earlier if it doesn't happen. It's almost impossible to plan around jobs!

Saying this, if you feel you can wait, then you would only need to be at your new job for 4 months before qualifying for maternity pay. So you could hold off until January and that would've given your body more time to rest and the situation to diffuse also. Two views, maybe see which feels more 'right'.

If I were you, and if you have time to wait, I would wait.
I'm 22 weeks pregnant and it is SO stressful right now. Appointments are a mess, partners not allowed to scans and often births. Midwife appointments over the phone so bloods and urine not getting done.
Then on top of all of that the stress when pregnancy is already stressful has raised my blood pressure.
It's ruined a special time

It's probably better if I wait, isn't it?
Maybe focus on getting fit and healthier in preparation (I'm not active enough; and my weight has crept up over the last year; my BMI is 24, so I should probably try and get it down to 20-ish).

How old are you? 35+ I’d keep going. Any younger I’d gove it a few months and see what happens.

Also BMI 24 is normal! If you go too low it may affect ovulation.

We are just starting to try, we’d put it off for over a year due to career related reasons and had planned to start trying feb/March (before all this happened). Things have gone tits up with me finding a job after finishing a PhD all recruitment has stopped, but we have decided to carry on. This will be our third child though and I am nearly 37. I am slightly concerned about the logistics with appointments etc but I don’t have the added worry of this being my first pregnancy or having had an issues in pregnancy that would make me feel extra anxious. If I was younger or this was our first baby I’d probably hold off, but time isn’t on our side so we are going to carry on as planned.

If I was you I’d hold off. If you are starting the fast stream in September you wouldn’t get mat pay if you got pregnant now anyway, not unless you are already a civil servant and they have some sort of continuity of employment when you move roles similar to the nhs. If you have time on your side age wise just wait 6 months and let things calm down.

I'm 30, nearly 31, so I do have time on my side although i am concerned about having had issues (I had another - very early and unplanned - miscarriage a few years ago).

LostInTheWoods1 I'd have deferred the fast stream and joined in 2021 instead, if I was expecting, as I'd get maternity pay via my current employer where I've worked for several years.

You can get statutory mat pay as long as you only get pregnant once you are in the job, so just hang on until sept. You have to be in the job for 12 months before getting pregnant to get the better mat pay (I applied for a civil service job so looked it up). I’d start the job and then maybe start trying a few months later, hopefully by 2021 things will have returned back to normal too.